Friday, 27 February 2015

9DPO - not looking so good...

I was surprised to get a drop in temperature this morning. I did wake up at 5.50am which is earlier than my usual time, obviously (crazy early!) but I temped anyway because after I settled Lydia back to sleep, it would have been time to get up and pray and prepare for my day, so I just got up. Turned out to be a beautiful and productive start to the day, and I saw a lovely sunrise which always helps! :) So, my temp would have been lower than usual, but not necessarily by a lot. It was quite a bit lower.

That was not what I was expecting! I still felt pregnant. Last night when I was lying in bed trying to get to sleep, I had PROPER bad cramps, at last! :) Without a period to go with them, I knew that they meant implantation, so that was exciting! :) They were hot and vice-like, definite period-or-implantation cramps. I was lying on my back, and I had that BH contraction feeling, and after that I had some vice-like pressure/searing cramps, quite like period pain. This stayed until I went to sleep, along with some on-and-off periody cramps. DEFINITELY "bad cramps". This morning the bad cramps were gone (another absolute pregnancy sign for me, without a period having arrived while the bad cramps were there), and I just felt mildly crampy.

So, after I got up and prayed, and the children woke up, and we had breakfast, I finally got around to going for the first wee of the day, lol! I tested around 13 hours after the last test last night, and expected at least a line as clear as yesterday's but it looks negative to me. :( There's a shadow of a line, I think, more like yesterday morning, but still negative. :( I checked it against yesterday morning's test and yesterday evening's, and I can really see the difference - it looks like yesterday morning's, and the evening test is a more obvious positive, though very faint. I really was not expecting my period to show though. I definitely felt (feel!) pregnant, but with a drop like today's and a negative test at 9DPO, I suddenly felt doubtful for the first time this cycle... Maybe it's going to be another chemical pregnancy? I was so sure it wouldn't be though...

By late morning I was feeling very crampy and heavy in the pit of my abdomen again, and thus began the many many trips to the loo to check to see if I had my period, because I started to get paranoid! I felt like I was leaking something at one point in the morning, but it was just CM.  It reminded me VERY much of being actually pregnant! ;) It's such normal behaviour at this stage in my luteal phase when I AM pregnant! :) Especially with feeling SO crampy like I was, proper heavy periody cramps, which NEVER happens unless I'm pregnant. I was also greatly reassured when I started to feel very mildly queasy around 11am, same as before. By 11.30am I was feeling scrunchingly hungry, and have been very hungry and nibbly the rest of the day, so I'm definitely charting increased appetite. My skin is weirdly soft today, for sure, which Neil confirmed when he got home from work! :) I have constant crampiness, sometimes more mild, but mostly moderate to bad cramps this morning. This afternoon I have had mild cramps, mostly. I am still getting new spots that I only ever get when hormones are involved, but more commonly for me when pregnant. Still having some heartburn. The backache I had yesterday is now very mild on the right side - I can still prod a sore muscle the same as before, but the searing pain is gone, so maybe it WASN'T an injury after all?! :) The same on-and-off discomfort/pulling/pain is there on the front right side which I originally thought was radiating pain from my back "injury", but now I'm thinking maybe implantation? I would absolutely have put it down to that originally, if it weren't for the muscle pain through the other side in my back.

I ended up going crazy and testing again with 2nd morning urine only 2-3 hours after doing the previous (negative) test! :P I remembered a dear friend saying she gets her BFPs with 2nd morning urine, and does better with 25miU tests than 10miU ones, so I tested with a newly arrived 25miU test, and saw a shadowy line within the first minute or two. I was so encouraged! BUT, very faint, and really when I waited longer, it didn't get stronger, and I'm not convinced there's colour to it... can't be an evaporation line after only 1-2 minutes while the background is still clearing, surely?! Also now it's dried a bit, I'm not sure if I can see ANY line at all in certain lights and at certain angles, so does that negate the line I can see at a flat-on-the-sink-surface angle?! I would post a photo, but it's all too faint to show up, and I couldn't be bothered to faff about with photo editing software! DEFINITELY still feel pregnant, but the tests and temp are confusing me! :/

So then, fast-forward to this evening. I had been continuing to feel mildly queasy all afternoon, and Neil was home, and I told him about my temp drop and said that I had been checking my underwear all day because of paranoia! And on that note, I said I would just go and check it again, since I hadn't for an hour or so. TOTALLY did not expect to see pink spotting. :( Then I thought, well, it's only a little, and it's only pink, and you know, spotting is actually quite common in healthy pregnancies during implantation (as I personally know already!). But still - sinking feeling...

I put a pad on so I could keep an eye on it, and carried on with kiddies' dinner and pyjamas and nappies and bedtime, etc. Right before the boys got in bed, I found a moment to dash to the loo to check the pad - nothing on it! So I was encouraged. About 30 minutes in to doing their individual snuggles and prayers (it takes me about an hour to work through them all), I felt leaky, and went to check. A couple of tiny spots on the pad, but RED. Hmmm, not so good, maybe? I finished bedtime and went downstairs to find Neil cooking dinner for us (sometimes we eat after they are in bed, but often we all eat as a family). So I took the chance to check again - a couple more red spots, not much. I also noticed that the bad cramps and backache were back, starting when I first saw the pink spotting, but that has been here on-and-off through the day anyway. So maybe it's a period, and maybe not?

After we ate dinner, I felt leaky again, and now I have more of a hot searing backache and the same cramps as before, but darker red spotting, and more of it. :( I wouldn't call it flow yet, it's definitely just spotting, but I'm thinking now that it might be the start of the end. My temperature should confirm that in the morning, but I took a look at my chart from last cycle, and saw that my temp dropped to exactly the same temp as today, the day I started bleeding, and THEN it hung around at that level the next day, and then went UP the day after! Talk about confusing! I will be frustrated if that happens again this time, because it really doesn't allow me to have closure on things, it keeps me hoping that MAYBE I'm still pregnant and it's just implantation, when I'm not and it isn't. I am thinking maybe my progesterone levels are still too low, like they were when the doctor checked them last year. I'm wondering, anyway. I'm getting older after all...

The only thing left to hope with, is that I still feel properly morning sick this evening. I feel shattered - totally physically wiped out, very like pre-period, or the normal early pregnancy exhaustion. The smell of washing powder makes me feel sick and gaggy today. I definitely have some symptoms that can't be explained away by anything other than pregnancy hormones, and I don't have a shadow of doubt in my mind that I've conceived, but I think maybe it can take a day or two for those hormones to drop enough for the symptoms to subside? I don't know. I was still feeling generally more hopeful than not, even with the spotting, but now that it's a bit heavier I don't know. Last cycle when I started bleeding though, it was BRIGHT red, and I noted it as weirdly so - crazy bright, for days. This is dark red, which I guess is more in keeping with my early pregnancy bleeds in past pregnancies...

There's not much I can do by just wondering and going round in circles! I should go to bed, and see what the morning brings. Temp, which should drop if this is my period, and if it doesn't drop - if it stays level or goes up, then test. I am feeling less and less hopeful of seeing a positive test this time around though. :(

Thursday, 26 February 2015

8DPO - could it be?!...

It's late and I must get to bed, but I need to update here first. I will copy and paste from my chart notes for speed. I just didn't want to leave 8DPO without its own update, as it has been fairly eventful today! :)

This morning I had an identical temp to yesterday, and was feeling BURNING hot in bed on waking (even at 6.30am!), so I thought for sure it would be minimum 36.8-something or 36.9, but it was 36.78 again. Nearly as high though, and no drop. Flat temps, hmmm! I've had flat temps before in pregnant cycles, but not for quite a few babies! :)

8DPO is the earliest I will let myself test, and since that day had finally arrived, and my temp was high, I decided to. I only had 2 expired tests (25miU at that) but with my first-morning-urine (which I had urgently needed since the early hours but saved just in case!), I decided I might as well use them as not. I expected a total negative result because I'm only 8DPO (and have never had a positive test before 9DPO - and have even had negative results at 9DPO before when pregnant too), but otherwise they'd go in the bin when replaced by the ones coming in the post today anyway. So I used one. And there was a faint line! Took 5-10 mins to show (negative must be confirmed by waiting 5-10 mins as per instructions) and super faint, but I was juuust about able to get it to show in a photo, and there's some extremely faded pink colour to it! :) The only way I could get it to show up enough was to make the photo darker and black and white. It's such a barely-there line that I wouldn't call it a positive - or I would feel unsure charting a positive test result... Anyway, here's the photo from this morning's test:



I knew my new pregnancy tests would be arriving in the post today at some point, so I decided to keep the urine I used for the test, as the tests arriving would be more sensitive (10miU). I did buy a few 25miU tests as well. They arrived mid-morning, and I dipped a 10miU test in my FMU. It looked negative after the first couple of minutes (you have to wait until 10 to rule out a negative result in the new tests too) and the children were interrupting me all the time at the bathroom door (you can't imagine how hard it was to photograph the earlier test - I had to smuggle the camera into the bathroom in a basket of clean laundry, lol!). So I left it, and returned at around the 10 minute mark, to find a faded PINK fat line, just about visible. I don't think it was an evaporation line as it was too soon for that, I think, and there was colour to the line... BUT still too faint to call positive. I didn't get chance to take a photo but I'm pretty sure I would have struggled to get it to even show up on a photo, and I didn't have time to fiddle with it! :P Later in the day, when I went back to look at it, I wasn't sure if I could see anything at all really, so I was a bit confused because I just KNOW in my knower that I'm properly pregnant, and am just waiting for the tests to catch up with the fact and show it! :P I feel a bit silly and guilty as though I'm being complacent, but I can't explain it. I just know. Did I mention this yesterday? I can't remember. It feels like ages since I last updated, but my last entry says "7DPO" so it must have only been yesterday! ;) I feel like I shouldn't be so sure of myself about it, but I'm not trying to be. Last cycle I had SO many pregnancy symptoms and was sure I was pregnant (and I was), but even so, I was constantly hoping and wondering each evening that my temp might not drop. Often I felt doubtful, even in spite of the symptoms. Not this cycle, it feels so different. I am almost doing my days without dwelling on my luteal phase at all. I am not even obsessing much at all! I feel strangely as though I am just biding my time and waiting until enough time has passed that I can see those positive tests that I'm already feeling on the inside. I feel further on in pregnancy than I actually am, which is a statement that makes NO sense whatsoever, and I can't explain it, but there it is. I'm NOT further on, I just feel... further along! :/ Confusing, sorry! I can't describe it any other way!

I have been having more heartburn than usual for the past few days, and it's been bothersome ALL day today, on and off. I've had a lot of trouble with morning sickness type feelings, and my nose has become super sensitive today - very handy when trying to track down a dodgy smell somewhere in the kitchen (!!) but not so handy when it makes me feel queasy to smell things! I opened the back door this morning and in 0.3 seconds I knew a cat had pooed in the garden overnight. Ugh! If it hadn't been pouring with rain I would have had a walk about to see if I could sniff out where it was!

I feel really quite crampy today. Mostly mild cramps... My backache from yesterday is still pretty bad, but more crampy/pully than injury today. I have had some definite pulling and twinges inside my hips though, on both sides, but more persistently on my right side (where the back (injury?) pain and radiating abdominal pain was yesterday). I have been more crampy this afternoon and evening, worse than mild cramps, but I am not sure if they could be classed as bad cramps, even for me... Charting bad cramps for now. Definitely more than mild cramps... I have a slight sore throat on once side this pm/eve, which is worsening a little. It has been hanging around mildly for a day or so, NOT viral, just more like that "is it/isn't it a sore throat" thing that I've had in the 2WW before sometimes.

Neil says my skin MAY be weirdly soft - especially on my left cheek, lol! I'm not sure either. He will check again tomorrow. :)

I had another yucky afternoon/evening feeling queasy with everything smelling of old car, yesterday. Today, the queasy feeling started at 10.30am!! It is making me SO nervous... :/ I'm only just at 3 weeks - what on earth would I be like at 4 and a half (when it started with Lydia)?! Or SIX (when it started with most of the boys, and kicked into a higher gear with Lydia)?!! I could be actually vomiting, which I am SO VERY THANKFUL to have avoided thus far in my reproductive career! :/ The difference today was that I didn't have so much of the car smell. Chewing my finger/fingernails makes me feel a bit yucky (definite morning sickness sign - aaaargh! This doesn't usually happen until another couple of weeks have passed!!!!), and I have had a yucky metallic taste in my mouth some of the time this afternoon and evening. I have just felt mildly queasy in the background of everything. I made roast chicken, etc. for dinner, and making the gravy at 6.30pm made me feel gaggy, just the consistency made me feel a bit sick, and then slightly gaggy as I was watching it being stirred in the pan. I am most definitely absolutely pregnant. I wasn't sure if I could eat the dinner, even though I wasn't feeling too sick or anything, when I sat down to it. I ate it anyway - oh and I felt sick at lunch time and made myself a ham and cheese and cucumber sandwich, which I felt slightly queasy eating, and then felt better for eating straight away, followed by slightly queasy not long after finishing (morning sickness pattern, for me). I'm also noticing an ever so slightly bitter taste to food, especially crisps. I almost gagged on a parsnip this evening - not the sweeter tip, but the part nearer to the root that sometimes has that... yucky, almost garlicky taste - can't describe it, but it made me almost physically gag when I was chewing it. DEFINITELY pregnant. No other possible reason in the whole wide world. Just impatient for the tests to confirm it! ;)

Right before the boys went to bed tonight, I was upstairs getting pyjamas, and needed a wee, and was suddenly seized with the urge to test again! I felt quite silly as I'm STILL 8DPO, and have already crazily tested today, lol! But I hadn't been for a good long while (5/6 hours at least?), and had a pack of 10 super early tests to use up which will sit around for ages (ever?!) once I know I'm pregnant and don't need them any more! :P So I used another. That's what super early tests are for, right?! ;)

Well, after a few minutes, it looked negative, so I went out of the bathroom to finish getting the pyjamas for the little boys. The window on the wasn't 100% white yet, but almost completely, and I'd been there at least 5 mins. When I had finished gathering clothes, I came back - just before the 10 minute mark I would think, though I wasn't timing it. There looked like a very faint line, with colour, and fat, not a thin stripe, like this morning but I didn't have time to compare them, and thought not much of it, since it was obviously no different to earlier and I would likely test again in the morning anyway. Finally after the boys were prayed for, and snuggled, and going to sleep, I had chance to sneak back into the bathroom to collect both this morning's and this evening's tests for detailed examination downstairs (and to show Neil), around 9.15pm! ;) There IS a line! I can barely make out a shadow of one on this morning's test, but there's more of a shadowy line on this evening's than this morning's!!! :D I handed them to Neil and he squinted at them for AGES, not seeing anything. He often can't see the super duper faint lines on early tests that I can see. He says, "Nah!" and then I have to point a pencil tip at where I mean him to see the almost non-existent line, lol! And sometimes he sees it, then. Sometimes not. Anyway, he was very patient with me! ;) He took his glasses off, and held the tests at various angles, and then suddenly said, "Oh!" And I said, "Which one?" He said, "The bottom one."  and pointed at the shadowy line. I told him the top test was this morning's and the bottom test was this evening's. :) I think I could almost call it a BFP (this evening's not this morning's), but Neil says he thinks I need something more visible to call it one, so I'm not sure what to chart right now. But obvious progression - yay! Now that I'll be testing only 12 hours from now (presuming my temp doesn't drop, which for some inexplicable reason, I have no qualms about - even though it COULD happen, pregnant or not, I just feel so sure I'm pregnant and it's not about to end), there might not actually be any difference in the line tomorrow morning from this evening's... Oh well. I will see. I can't NOT test tomorrow morning with FMU though, can I?! ;)

OH! I forgot to say here, because it happened after I updated my blog, in the afternoon - I was leaning on the bannisters upstairs, talking to Benjamin who was playing in one of the bedrooms, and Arthur appeared on the stairs and said, "Mummy? Have you got a baby in your tummy?" I was totally floored and just opened and closed my mouth, and was not awfully cool about it, lol! I didn't give him an answer, just said, "What makes you ask that?!" and he told me, "Matthew said he thinks you've got a baby in your tummy, so I came to ask if you have!" Then Matthew appeared next to him, smiling away. I could NOT help smiling, aaaargh, I tried so hard to keep a straight face, because they're old enough at 8 and 10!!!! I don't want to give anything away before it's 100%, and even then I would prefer to let them know later than this! Anyway, I asked Matthew the same question, and he said it was because he looked up the stairs and saw me leaning on the bannisters in a certain way, as though I was "trying to feel.... maybe a baby inside?!" Bless! I said, as far as I KNOW (because I had no positive test yesterday), there isn't, but I felt a bit guilty saying that, as I felt instinctively that I DO have a baby growing inside me. :/ The fact that he said that makes me even more excited, because he did that with Lydia's pregnancy at 6DPO, just randomly, the same as yesterday (7DPO). :) Arthur has also done this in very early pregnancies before, when he hadn't yet known about my pregnancy. Or children (Nathan and Matthew) have randomly started discussing a name for the next baby while I was waiting to test once! Seems like a good pregnancy sign to me! ;)

Happy note: Matthew was VERY disappointed that I wasn't pregnant. He said he would REALLY like another baby, and he doesn't mind if it's a girl or a boy, just another baby would be so lovely. Love that boy! :)

I will update tomorrow! :)

Wednesday, 25 February 2015

7DPO and not much news yet...

So I'm still here! Still with that weird laid-back feeling - I don't feel obsessive about anything yet. But I'm seven days past ovulation!! :)

Yesterday my temp dropped a bit, which - this will sound weird - I was almost expecting. Like an implantation dip kind of expectation, given that it was 6DPO with no temp drops so far before that. It wasn't that much of a dip, and I would have been thinking it might be the start of a drop towards getting my period, SO LONG AS it continued going down the next day. I felt strangely calm about it, because it's like I expected it to dip and then rise again the next day - no reason why I could possibly know or feel like I know, but there you go. Anyway so today it did rise back up! :) No period coming today at any rate! :)

I haven't had a whole bunch of symptoms this time round. I have a few that are well worth noting, but not the huge array of them that I had last cycle. I almost feel in "neutral" gear, like nothing is happening either way, but I remember that's a very typical way for me to feel when I'm pregnant, between 4 and 7 or 8DPO (going by my blog entries on my other pregnancies - haven't checked the earlier babies, but the more recent ones had this "neutral" feeling window.

I bought some pregnancy tests yesterday evening. I figured I ought to, since time is passing and I'm going to want to test in a couple of days if I haven't got my period by then, and I only have expired tests now (and the Clearblue which I want to use for confirmation). See? Soooo laid-back, lol! They should arrive tomorrow. I got early pregnancy tests (10miU) and normal ones (25miU) - not loads of them because I feel like (again, weirdly - and I may prove myself wrong anyway!) I won't need a load of tests in the bathroom cupboard. I've got enough for a couple of cycles though.

A really significant symptom which started on the afternoon of 5DPO, is nausea, and not just nausea, but that travel queasy kind (ie. morning sickness!). I could smell cars - like the smell of a coat that's been left in the car, a sort of yucky doggy fuel-like smell (blech!) - and once it started, I could smell it all of the later part of the afternoon, and the evening, and the smell made me feel sick - it pervaded everything, yuck! When he came home from work, I asked Neil, but he couldn't smell it at all. When I went to make the boys' dinner (felt too bloated/queasy to eat anything myself at that time), and got the sweetcorn out of the fridge, I realised what the sweet/sour yucky smell had been that had assaulted my senses every time I'd opened the fridge since waking this morning - the open (but foil-covered) can of sweetcorn! Actually standing over the can and spooning it out was almost overwhelming - the smell was so nauseating! I talked to Neil about all this while I was making the dinner, and both of us were saying basically I'm definitely pregnant with that symptom alone! ;)

Then yesterday (6DPO), in the morning when I woke up, there was not a TRACE of that car/fuel yucky smell, and I didn't feel queasy at all, so I figured it was a blip the previous day. I was putting away the lunch things mid-afternoon and realised I felt a bit queasy. As soon as I paid attention to the sensation, I realised I could smell that yucky car smell again, not just a bit, but really strong. Ugghghhh. It really smells horrible! But apparently there's no smell there, according to Neil! So that continued until I went to bed for the night, and made me feel really travel/motion queasy, even outright nauseous at some points, when combined with the bloating and gassiness (also pregnant of me) that I seem to have. When Neil called from work and asked how I was feeling, I said the morning was fine, but now I was feeling yucky and the car smell was back. He charmingly said, "Wait - you're telling me that it's come on in the AFTERNOON again?! You're all knocked up!" :P And I realised that it's TOTALLY a morning sickness pattern for me. All my babies without exception, my morning sickness starts mid-late afternoon (or it's there all the time but it's unbearably worse from that time onwards), and continues until I fall asleep. Often it's not there at all on waking, and if I'm lucky, I don't suffer from it much until the afternoon. So... that really super-duper unnerves me! I would only have been 2 weeks and 5 days pregnant (5 days after I ovulated!!!) when it started!!! *gulp* The earliest it ever started before is 4 and a half weeks, with Lydia. Before that it was 5 weeks (Samuel), and the others were a day or two before the 6 week mark. No matter if it starts earlier, it significantly worsens from about 6 weeks onwards, so the fact that I feel like this now fills me with... wary anticipation! :/

So, I can't stand the smell of sweetcorn (funnily enough - or not, if you're as convinced as I am that I'm pregnant! - the same thing I've had an aversion to the smell/taste of in previous pregnancies), although I did eat some with dinner last night and it actually was fine. Once a week, Neil and I eat shop-bought lasagne and garlic bread. It's an easy meal that we enjoy and have eaten for years, but when I'm pregnant I can't take the extreme garlic at ALL and it feels too rich for my tummy. He has suggested it for a meal two nights running, and both nights I said no because I honestly couldn't stand the thought of it (and still can't). My stomach feels yucky with all this wind in it though, so maybe that's part of the problem? Although, going by my blog with other pregnancies, the yucky wind thingy is pregnant of me at this stage too (I've asked that question before at this stage - "Maybe it's just the windy tummy?" ;) ).

Today I have had some flashy pains in my right breast. This is marvellously pregnant of me! :) I was super duper excited to feel those happening, because I don't get those when not pregnant - I sometimes get tender breasts, but not flashy pains - those I get every time I'm pregnant in the 2WW. I blogged with excitement that I was feeling those at last, at 9DPO with Lydia! :)

I'm irritable, tired and intolerant of children's noise and even the slightest act of disobedience. *sigh* This is also pregnant of me - I realise it's also normal for basically motherhood in general, but for me, increase in these things while I'm waiting to test is usually a pregnancy sign. Today and yesterday I have had so much trouble feeling exhausted that I have prayed in bed when my alarm went off at 6.10 (and temped at that time too), and then fallen back to sleep, instead of getting up and starting my day with worship and prayer, etc. like I mentioned last entry. Even when I had not had nearly enough sleep, before this, I managed to get up anyway. Even sleeping longer this morning, I felt utterly shattered getting up, like I was just tooooo tired. I thought I would wake up a bit as the morning went on, but I've stayed exhausted instead.

Now it's 1.17pm and I have just noticed in the last 20 or 30 minutes that everything smells of badly perfumed CAR, uggghhh. I feel yucky and sick with it. I was fine this morning! :) Definitely hmmm....!

I have some really painful lower back pain today, since I got out of bed, but I don't know that it's pregnancy related - I think I must have done something to it (can't think what!), because it's like sharp muscle pain or something - on my right side. I do have some duller, cramp-like pain through the front in the same area, inside my hip an inch or so, so that IS the sort of place I get implantation pain... but I'm not sure if I've just injured something or other and that's the pain of it radiating through? I've tried massage, and my muscle behind my hip feels sore, but it hasn't helped. Other than that I've been mildly crampy, if that, and no bad cramps yet.... If I'm pregnant I will absolutely need to have bad cramps at some point very soon - I often have them before 7DPO, though sometimes not until today or tomorrow.... They usually occur out of the blue, and there's no mistaking them!

I'm trying to think if there's anything else.... I'm contining to have the "pregnant" CM that I talked about before, but a little less of it now. I guess I will wait to see what tomorrow's temp brings, and if it's up, I guess I MAY test if my new tests arrive in time, as I'll be 8DPO. Too early really, but yeah. I have had positive tests at 9DPO before, so to me, that's the day to start testing. If I had tests in the cupboard at 8DPO I would probably start then, though! ;)

I feel pregnant, and Neil is sure I am, but I feel very relaxed about it, happy to just wait and see it pan out. Or not, whatever. ;) So strange for me to feel this way! I'll update again soon! :)

Monday, 23 February 2015

5DPO! :)

Thank you for the Happy Birthday in my comments last entry, Desiree! :) How did you know?! My birthday was Saturday, and now I am 39!!! I really really feel my fertile years dwindling now, in the last year of my 30s. How I hope I will be blessed again before they are gone!

I did ovulate, as I thought, on CD20! I got my confirmation that I ovulated the next day after my last entry, and I'm now 5DPO. Parsnips was actually the day before ovulation, not 2 days before as I said last entry. I feel way more laid back this cycle, and can't believe the days are passing so quickly without me mega-obsessing over everything! ;) By 5DPO last time, I was like, "Well, I could get my period today, which would be a 4 day luteal phase, or maybe tomorrow, which I hope won't happen, but maybe it will, and then it will be a 5 day luteal phase, but I really hope it will be at least 7DPO for a 6 day luteal phase, and I'm sure I'm pregnant but it would be too early to test... " etc. lol! ;) THIS time, for no apparent reason, I feel relaxed. What will be, will be (disclaimer: I will likely lose this laid-back approach in around 2 or 3 days, lol!). I don't have a million glaringly obvious symptoms, I feel really quite neutral and comfortable and relaxed, physically.

I have had a couple of bizarre things. At 3DPO and once at 4DPO (yesterday), I had what felt for all the world like miniature Braxton Hicks contractions. Just here and there. It was a slow grip, hold, and release sensation, and for a while I was perplexed thinking something was up with my bowel, lol! But no. It definitely felt uterine in nature, and reminded me exactly of Braxton Hicks, except tiny in scale.

Also, on my birthday (so at 3DPO) I got up suddenly to dash for the front door and had to stop in my tracks due to a sudden ligament pain inside my right hip, as low down as my pubic bone. I remember this stuff from last cycle, but didn't expect it this early! I thought it was a fluke, but yesterday (4DPO), we were in the van travelling to a war museum (Arthur's passion - war history!) and I blew my nose and had such a sharp ligament pain it took my breath away! Same kind of location too.

Temp-wise, I am enjoying my chart this cycle! :) I had a big dip in temperature before I ovulated and the day of ovulation, then it has been quite a slow but steady rise since then, about .1 of a degree Celsius each day, until today. It looks pretty and encouraging! :) I am temping earlier than ever before, this past week, at the same time each day exactly. I used to temp around 8.30 when Lydia woke up (that's when I got up! Seems SO late now!), and then she shifted her waking time to around 7.30am more recently. THEN I finally acted on the conviction I've had for YEARS, that despite being The Very Opposite of a morning person (I feel actually ILL when I get up early, and my body has always been geared to late nights - I am most alert and clear-headed at night and used to do my best homework then too!), I needed to get up and give the FIRST part of my day each day to God. I felt for ages that God was asking me to get up BEFORE the children, so I had time to pray and worship and get my head in gear properly for the day ahead (praying over it is so important and makes such a difference to how I cope with it!). I know lots of mamas (especially of many children) who do this but it's SO hard for me to do it. I'm not saying it isn't for them! But it's goes against my nature - I chose to do it because I knew God was asking me to, and I wanted to obey him, but also I wanted to GIVE, like, sacrificially, because it felt good to. I am a week in to waking up to an alarm clock under my pillow at 6.10am (shudder!) while all my children sleep! It feels SO WRONG, haha! But I do it. Often, Lydia wakes before I get off the bed, so I feed her back to sleep before going down, and cover kiddies who are out of their covers to minimise the risk of them waking too soon! Samuel tends to wake around 7am if not before, so I have less than an hour, sometimes less than 30 minutes between getting downstairs and him getting up. I would ideally like an hour, and work towards praying/worshipping, reading my Bible and also a devotional book or something, exercising, getting washed and dressed, and having my own breakfast/cup of tea. And even starting on housework for the day!

Right now, I start with prayer and worship (to a quietly-played CD) right away, and then I pray through a chapter of 'The Power of a Praying Wife' and then read my Bible. Some days I write in my journal if God has put something on my heart to write. Some days I have enough time to watch the sun rise with a cup of tea (this is an AWESOME perk to getting up early, and also serves to fill my heart with more worship for God than ever before!), and eat breakfast, unload and re-load/start the dishwasher, and get washed and dressed, but not always. I do love being up and ready for my children in the morning, and able to greet each one as he arrives downstairs with a cuddle and a chat. I love the happy faces as they see me down already, and I love being one step ahead of the day, not playing catch-up all the time. Most of all I love having spent time with God FIRST. It feels good to get the most important priority attended to at the very start of the day. :) I am finding it a bit hard-going with disciplining myself to get to bed early enough, and just with being tired in the first hours, but it's worth it.

Soooo, the point of all that is - my temp time is the same time every day now, and it's EARLY. Temping at different times always gives me different temps - the earlier I temp, the lower the temp is. If I lie in, I get a higher temp than "accurate" for me, that sort of thing, so I have to take that into account. Sometimes in the past, if I've had reason to temp at 6-something-am, and inevitably get a low temp, I will adjust it a little for accuracy. Rarely though. I've experimented before (even as recently as this weekend!), waking at 6am and temping, then falling back to sleep until 7.30am and temping again, and then sleeping some more until 9.15am or something (my usual lie-in at the weekend - thankful to Neil!) and I will usually get temps in a pattern like this: 6am - 36.4; 7.30am - 36.54; 9.15 - 36.8. Quite a difference! If my usual time is 7.30 I will only use the 36.54. Since my new waking time, even though it will get me "lower temps" than is normal for me, I am keeping those on my chart because they'll have the most accurate overall pattern on my chart since I'll maintain that time.

So today I was really was surprised to temp at 6.10am and get 36.8!!! Really high temp for me that early in the morning, and I can't fathom what that would have been at my usual time or a bit later! Probably 37.0 which I never get unless I'm pregnant, but usually not as early as 5DPO all the same. So that interested me today! :)

I have what, for me, is very "pregnant" CM since late afternoon on 3DPO. I used to write precise details of CM here at this blog in my "younger years" (ha!), but I feel a bit squeamish and private about that in recent years, so I will just say it's "pregnant" for me, and leave it at that (and write the details in my FF chart notes where only my eyes see, lol!)! ;) Same as last cycle, and same as Lydia's pregnancy at this stage, in any case. I haven't checked to see if it was my usual in previous pregnancies yet.

Okay, it's time to make lunch so I will stop for now. Will update again soon! :)

Friday, 20 February 2015

Here we go again! :)

With all my usual ovulating late in my cycles, I was really surprised to have EWCM on cycle day 14!! :) I had a couple of days (CD8 and 9) even earlier but it was only a little bit, so I thought maybe it was just another "blip" and I would get the real deal later in my cycle (like after CD20 at the very earliest). But after 8 days of lots of it, I think I have ovulated. My temp is starting to rise (quite a slow rise, but definitely on the up today). I had a couple of very weird high temps in the middle of it, and taken at my usual temp time as well, which I can't explain, but I have chosen to disregard the highest one (36.67!!) because my chart started saying I had ovulated (which I hadn't), and I didn't want it to skew everything! I was perfectly well, and the temps were still normal, despite being higher than my usual pre-ovulation temps, so...

Anyway! I had ovulation pain for a few days - I seem to get terribly achy and heavy-feeling now when I'm heading to ovulate in the two days leading up to ovulation, AND the day after. It's like bad cramps, and very distracting no matter what things I'm busy with during the day. At least I get a good heads-up that I'm actually going to ovulate! I think I ovulated 2 days ago, by my temps and ovulation pain, and the fact that I last had a little EWCM yesterday morning (and I'm not sure if I could even call it that really, but they say to chart it as such if in doubt). Tomorrow's temp will hopefully make my chart confirm ovulation and I'll get my temp coverline!

Parsnips occurred 2 days before I think I ovulated, so if I have ovulated, I am definitely in with a good chance of conception again! :) Excited to watch and wait! I feel crampy today with a little low backache. ANYTHING is worth noting for me, yes, even a day or two after ovulating. I often look back and realise I had noticed subtle changes from RIGHT after ovulation, when I am pregnant. Not always, but it has happened.

If I did ovulate, I did so at CD20!!!! I haven't ovulated that early in... years and years, I think! Nice and early and almost normal for me! :) I need to buy pregnancy tests - I have two that are now expired, and my Clearblue Digital.

Of course I haven't even had confirmation that I've ovulated yet, and I'm STILL going crazy thinking ahead! :P Confession: I have been praying for a sister for Lydia! I know it could (much more likely?!) be a boy, if I have another baby, but I would LOVE LOVE LOVE a sister for my baby girly! I would love to re-use all her darling girly clothes! I bought some sleepsuits for Lydia in size 18-24 months this week on eBay, in a design I really like, and I realised they are the same set of 3 Next sleepsuits that I bought when I was pregnant with her! One of them is the first thing I bought for Lydia in size tiny baby (7.5lbs!), and it was the one that I lay out next to my bed during my pregnancy and gazed at it and stroked it daily until she was almost here! :) Today they arrived in the post, and I was SO excited putting them away! They are HUGE for their label size, so I know she will be wearing them more around age 2 than before, and suddenly I thought how PERFECT it would be to have Lydia in that favourite print sleepsuit, and a tiny newborn in the same matching sleepsuit! Oh what a happy thought that was! I know I may have a boy, or not even be pregnant, but still... lovely daydream! :) If I'm pregnant (if I ovulated, lol!) I would be due on November 11th which isn't the most ideal time, because it's 2 days after Arthur's birthday - never had that to worry about before, as all my babies have had a separate birth month.

So much to think about, and I have to make myself STOP IT for now, because it's way too premature! Hopefully I'll get confirmation that I've ovulated tomorrow, and then I'll update here much more often in my usual obsessive way! ;)

Friday, 6 February 2015

Update at last!

I'm so sorry to have left you all in suspense! Thank you to those who have reminded/nudged me to update! I thought everyone could see my chart (there's a link saying "My FF chart" over on the right hand column), and, well, apart from that I really have no good excuse for not updating! :/

So my temps have taken their time to slowly come down, but now they have been down in my normal "I'm not pregnant, and haven't just ovulated either" range for 3 or 4 days. My bleeding behaved like a period in how long it lasted, whereas the time I bled with Elijah, it was the ongoing-ness of the bleeding which made me wonder what was up. It dragged on as brown spotting for ages and ages, which isn't normal for me with my periods. So this one has been normal-ish. It was heavier and "brighter" than I am used to, and for a few days of it, I still had pregnancy symptoms. I tested positive again (the top test of 5 from last entry's photo of the bunch of 5 tests) 3 days into the bleeding. It was weird. I was definitely pregnant. Maybe this time, it started out like an implantation bleed, but actually went wrong instead and the whole pregnancy ended? Or maybe, whether or not I was going to have implantation bleeding, I didn't have the necessary hormone levels to sustain it, and so it was going to end anyway. I have finished bleeding now at any rate - I had some red/pink spotting yesterday (after nothing at all for the previous 36 hours) which was a bit odd, but otherwise it seems that I am on a new cycle (currently CD8).

I kept my chart until today, with the bleeding marked on as "spotting" because then it would all stay as one chart, so I could see the pattern of my temps and so on. I have changed it today and I really don't like what the software has done, because now I can't see that beautiful rise and fall of temps over that journey. It cuts off at the end of a "cycle" (and that feels cold - it was more than a "cycle" to me) with my temps still high and a positive pregnancy test still to be recorded, which now looks odd and out of place in the first couple of days of a new cycle chart (with the high temps looking weird as well!). Also, as I was changing the data re. the bleeding, the software kept being confused over my ovulation date, and changing my ovulation to 2 days before (when it originally said I ovulated) and then back to the current date (2 days after the parsnips), and back again. Now that it's all entered in properly, it says 2 days after the parsnips again. I am not sure that's when I ovulated, but oh well. Also it gives me a 6 day luteal phase, and that is disappointing to me. I feel like I definitely made it to 8 days past ovulation with all those pregnancy symptoms and a positive test at 9DPO (which I recorded), but now that's supposed to be 7DPO - that doesn't make sense to me! Anyway. In the end I have decided to "disregard" the drop in temp on CD33, because it was an odd temp for me to get after having a spike up into my usual "post ovulatory" temp range, and if that's taken out of the picture, the software finally decides to revert my ovulation date back to CD31 instead of CD33. That gives me an 8 day luteal phase and feels more consistent with my pregnancy symptoms, and ovulation symptoms. Doesn't explain the EWCM the day after ovulating, but oh well. I think I would prefer to leave it on that day, but I won't necessarily expect longer than an 8 day luteal phase next cycle, just in case it was really just a 6 day luteal phase...

The day after I updated here last, my temp actually went UP a little, and I was so confused about it! I was on my 4th day of bleeding, and hadn't really had much in the way of cramping at all. I took another test and it didn't really do much to help, because I still had that "is it/isn't it a line?" thing going on, and it was no stronger than before. It may have been a little fainter, so I didn't bother photographing it, and called it a negative test on my chart. I was still having the odd twingey/crampy pain that day as well, but not so much of it. This also didn't make sense to me - either they're to do with implantation, or they're not! If it was a period, then why were they even there at all? I was also still irritable, less tolerant of the children's noise than usual, and had increased sense of smell, increased appetite, and I was weeing more often, for sure (not drinking more than usual). I was also that hormonal kind of exhausted, which never happens after my period has started. I was reeeally confused that day, lol! Also I just wanted my temps to come down properly by that point. I figured either they needed to anyway, because I was not pregnant any more, or even worse, I was still pregnant but my temps were being persistently low, and that is never good, so I was beginning to get worried about that. The one thing I noted on my chart that had changed that day, is that I no longer felt like my skin was "weirdly soft". :(

The next day I felt relieved to have a lower temperature, and although I was still having some increased appetite and pregnant-tiredness, the symptoms I'd been having were gradually dropping off or else fading somewhat, and I felt pretty confident that things were settling down.

I also felt SO sad. And so silly for feeling that way, and even angry at myself for feeling that way. So I didn't update, because I didn't want to, I guess. I figured people would see my chart, or put 2-and-2 together, and I would update when I felt like it, but I kept not feeling like it, so...

I was so grateful for 8 days with that little one, and grateful for a positive test or two to give me visible evidence that it was true. My little one never got as far as even developing a heart, let alone having a heartbeat, and was just a tiny bundle of cells, but the communication is what got me. The way the line can show up on a test - a little message in chemical form saying, "I'm here!" And the way I felt so many obvious symptoms that told me my body knew someone was getting started in there. I liked that connection, however early it was, and even though it was just for DAYS, not even weeks. But I felt like, God opens and closes my womb. I trust God. I'm happy - privileged - to have carried the beginnings of a new person for 8 days! I have hope that I will see that little person in heaven one day! These are all good, happy things, and not really any reason for regrets. Then I was buttering toast in the kitchen and Neil asked me if I was okay (about the fact that my temps were coming down along with the bleeding), and I suddenly wasn't. Suddenly I felt like there was a joyful, budding little life which was - for all I know - perfectly healthy and able to develop into a healthy full-term baby and live a long and happy life, but I got in the way. Instead of miscarrying because the baby died due to something being wrong, it felt like there was nothing wrong, and if only I could have "helped" my little one take root and grow, there's no reason why he/she couldn't have been a normal baby through a normal pregnancy. I guess I took my eyes off trusting God about it for a bit, because then I was SO SAD. Surprisingly sad, and I felt silly and annoyed with myself, with all that I profess to believe, and with the fact that it was so very early. And I've been there and done that before.

Well, that's it really. I feel much much more at peace now, and glad to trust God over it. I feel so elated that I was able to conceive - only a couple of months ago I was wondering if I would ever ovulate again, never mind conceive! :) I'm so hopeful now that I may yet have another baby, and maybe even sooner than I had thought possible?! Neil seems at ease about the idea, and I'm now constantly mistaking my number of children - counting up seven and thinking, "Who is missing?!" before I realise that I do only have seven children! ;) I remember this from all the other times, starting with just Arthur and Matthew (thinking the littlest was missing and remembering we only had two, lol!). That's when I knew we'd have another on the way soon. :) I hope so!

I have EWCM today, which I am going to say is probably a fluke, because it's CRAZY early even before I had children, to be getting ready to ovulate like a week after my cycle started! I am SURE I will be waiting another 2 or 3 weeks - last cycle I ovulated on CD31 (or even CD33 if the chart is right, but I don't really feel that it is...), and that was earlier than I expected even! I've ovulated much later than that in my cycle between babies before, so... It does tend to get earlier each cycle by a little bit, but I'm not necessarily expecting to ovulate before CD28 or so. I'm just glad I DO ovulate! I am still so excited! :D I will keep you posted with any news, but this end of my cycle is pretty boring for the blog I'm afraid! ;) You can always check my chart if you're twiddling your thumbs with nothing better to do - I update that usually every few days and enter several days of temps at once, if I forget to do it daily. I'm much better about doing it daily if I'm watching for signs of pregnancy! ;)

Oh I hope I get to experience it all again! I have an "I'm going to be a big sister" top on my watch list at eBay in Lydia's size (and the next size up!), and I do so want to get to use it one day! :)

Sunday, 1 February 2015

Confusing update at 11DPO/9DPO/Cycle Day 3, lol! (see?!)

So sorry that I didn't update last night, and it's taken me until now to do so! Thank you so much for the encouraging comments! :)

I am beyond confused! This is so so so very much like Lydia's pregnancy, as it turns out. BUT I still seem to not be pregnant, and seem to be having my period. That's part of the confusion. But the most likely scenario - maybe?!

So the last time I updated I was 9DPO, with a temp drop that wasn't a LOT, but still a drop. And then bleeding, proper heavy bleeding, shortly after getting up for the day (right after temping). And a positive test! But a very faint one. I'm so glad you guys said you could see it too! :) The other thing that confused me about things that day, was that I still had many of my early pregnancy symptoms. I was crampy, but not at all until a short while after starting bleeding. Not big period cramps, but like irritated uterus cramps (milder), which are familiar to me from any of my bigger bleeds during past pregnancies. I'm not trying to deny the obvious and say maybe I'm pregnant, but I want to lay out alllll the various sides of everything so my confusion is all written down, and then maybe I can pick it apart?! Or just leave it be, and whatever happens, at least it's recorded for the next time I'm confused about a cycle and say, "Oh, but remember that time when...?!" and look it up, and find it helpful! ;)

So the next morning (yesterday), I was waiting to see what my temp was before calling it a new cycle. I knew I was bleeding, but my temp just hadn't dropped low enough for me to be sure yet (36.51 - WAY above my usual pre-ovulatory temps, which it should have dropped down in the range of BEFORE I started bleeding), and I was expecting it to drop right down below the coverline to confirm my period. But it didn't. It dropped from 36.51 to 36.47 - basically pretty much the same temp, just a fraction lower. Still not below the coverline, and still way up above my usual temps that I have before ovulating (or after getting my period). Confusing! I did temp a bit later than I usually would, because it was the weekend, and my lovely hubby lets me lie in after Lydia gets up. Usually I temp when she gets up to keep it accurate, but she woke early for her, and so I went back to sleep while Neil got up with her (bless his heart!) and then when *I* woke it was later than I would normally temp - now that would probably mean my temp wasn't accurate because it would have been a higher temp than it should have been, if I'd taken it at my normal time. THAT made me think, oh well, it might not have dropped much, but it WOULD have dropped more than that if I'd temped on time. I did take a test, but it was proper negative, so I just figured I would have to wait it out.

During the day, I didn't feel pregnant any more at all. I felt happy trusting God, and then later in the day I hit a patch where I felt so sad and tearful, and couldn't stop thinking that my little one had probably been perfectly healthy (unlike in a miscarriage where a baby dies and is then miscarried), but my body just couldn't do the job of helping him or her to grow. :( I KNEW that God is the one who opens and closes my womb, and that he is working all things together for my good, and I trust him completely. But my feelings had a little detour from the truth for a while there. I kind of didn't feel like updating here yesterday in the end. I totally felt sure about the fact that this early pregnancy had finished and I had my period.

THEN by the end of the day, yesterday, I felt confused about some things, which I felt really silly for even thinking about! The crampiness that wasn't like normal period pain (still no proper period cramps despite the heaviness of the bleeding) was odd for me. Also the bleeding itself. Heavier than my norm, and - I noted on my chart both days - "oddly" red. Like luminescent pink/red, very bright. I am sure that's not the normal colour of my menstrual flow, even on the heavy days or at the very start. On one occasion, sitting on the toilet pondering this (I do probably ponder too much, but that's just the way I am! ;) ), it suddenly reminded me of that time when I was almost 11 weeks pregnant with Nathan and I had a torrential bleed - a haemorrhage, really - and I was in A&E (ER). The bleeding was BRIGHT red and flowing like wee (sorry!) when I sat on the toilet. I was SURE as anything I had lost him, but I remember the doctor who examined me saying that bright red blood was actually a good sign, because with miscarriage they are looking for darker red bleeding. I don't even know why. But anyway, it came to mind as I was pondering. This is SO crazy of me! I am probably just having a period!!! At least I can say what I like here, and treat it like a private diary with a lock (except anyone in the whole world can read it and comment... hmmm!).

So, those things kept making me think, "This isn't my norm..." along with the temp not being as low as it should be, yet. I decided I wanted to keep my current chart going instead of it reverting to a new cycle page, because I wanted to see how my temps played out until they had gone down properly. If I enter "menses" on my chart, it automatically starts a new cycle page and closes the old one, so I would not be able to see my temps this luteal phase next to the ones I'm getting while I'm bleeding. So for that reason I have been charting "spotting" instead (it shows as an asterisk in the CM row), because the software allows me to chart spotting without starting a new chart. Annoying, but hey ho. I'll change it all when I know what's going on.

By bedtime, I had more confusing things to note: I was still hungrier than usual. I still seemed to have a sensitive nose for smells, and I still felt exhausted to the point of dizziness as I had in the days before. Also my skin still felt weirdly soft. And during the evening, I was having the occasional twinge/pain inside my right hip, and low pressure on/under my pubic bone on the left side, even radiating through to my lower back/buttock occasionally. Those things surely should have gone by the second day of my period? I thought maybe those things would settle down (my temps hadn't yet, after all). I really regretted finding NO notes when I stopped charting thinking I had my period with Elijah (at 7DPO, when my temp dropped WAY down, and I started bleeding heavily), only to find that I was pregnant 10 days later, without any notes to look back on for those days in between, so I'm keeping note of anything "noteworthy" until I'm sure as sure as sure.

So, this morning I lay in again, until maybe an hour after my usual temp time (like yesterday). I almost didn't want to look at the thermometer, because crazy as it seemed, I didn't want my hopes dashed! I felt DAFT for even having them in the first place though - hello?! Day 3 of bleeding?! *sigh* Anyway, what do you know? My temperature went up - UP!!! It was 36.67 - and even if it was because I woke up a bit late, there is NO WAY I can make my body have a temp that high unless I am in my luteal phase. That's it. So of course I ran to the toilet and peed on sticks like a crazy woman. I had one super sensitive test left, and then I was on to the standard early pregnancy tests that I have always used for all my other pregnancies (I've only used the super sensitive ones for the first time when testing for Lydia, and this time with the leftovers). So I tested with the last super sensitive one, and thought I saw a shadow of a line (I mean really just a SHADOW - could have been a faulty test or anything, but it wasn't evaporation because it was there within the time limit), so I tossed sanity to the wind and dipped the less sensitive 25mIU test (that I have always used with my other pregnancies) in the same urine. It looked negative, so I mentally berated myself for being nuts, and then went about my morning.

Except it was difficult to go about my morning, because although my bleeding was finally settling down a bit, I was STILL having times of crampiness, and some twinges and pains inside my right hip and around my pubic bone from time to time as well. And I couldn't get this morning's temp out of my mind - it seems SO strange, and I couldn't explain it. I went back to look at the tests frequently for no reason other than complete obsess0-woman behaviour (LET ME SPELL OBSESSO MY WAY, BLOGGER!!! Oooh look, it did when I used capitals!). And I felt sure I was seeing a line on this morning's 11DPO super sensitive test, AND the 25mIU test, but that was fainter. But then (excited breathing!), it would be, wouldn't it?! THEN I'd look again, and shake my head at myself because obviously there were no actual lines to see, and I was seeing things and dwelling on the impossible and, and... for shame!! So I tried to get on with my day. Poor Neil kept having to deal with me wondering out loud though. He just smiled at me like I was a little child, which somewhat infuriated me, but I do see his point! :P

I am irritable today like I should not be after getting my period. I have a new spot. A solitary spot, but I never, never, never (I repeat, never) get even one spot outside of a hormonal influence. Those are ovulation, before (BEFORE!) a period, and pregnancy at any time. Never in the first part of my cycle. I am pretty sure that getting a spot or two was one of the things that finally made me sit up and take notice when I was actually pregnant with Elijah but convinced that I had been having my period and was about 10 days into my new cycle! ;) So that's noteworthy. I am bloated and gassy. I am perfectly capable of being bloated and gassy without the help of hormones (*cough*) but I'm noting it because it's a REALLY reliable sign for me in early pregnancy as well.

Today I have continued to have times of being unusually tired out, like hormonally so, not sleep-deprivation-ish (there is a subtle difference in how it feels). This afternoon I suddenly felt utterly bone tired out - even felt grey/dizzy/weak for a while, like all the strength was sudden sapped from me. I also noticed for the first time that jogging up the stairs to get Lydia up from her nap (which I do every day) made me proper out of breath, even by the time I got downstairs with her on my hip I was still breathing harder than normal. I KNOW this is an early pregnancy symptom for me, but whether it's an odd random thing this time, I don't know. Neil did agree with me about my skin being weirdly soft, at 9DPO. I asked him to check again today, and he could not be sure if my skin is weirdly soft or not, though he says it's definitely soft, and MAYBE pregnant-ish. I really think it still is, so I'm charting it as such. As well as the twinges and pains in my pelvic area, I have had times of proper crampiness today, even this evening, and my lower back has had times of feeling stiff or sore (like now), which aren't normal for me at the end of 3 days into a period.

Tonight, about half an hour ago, I whacked my head REALLY hard on the side/corner of the tall dresser that I was standing next to, setting up my pregnancy tests for a photo, lol! This is something I tend to reserve for... ohhh.... the first two weeks of pregnancy, lol! Like dropping or smashing plates/cups/bowls (which I did a few days back - again, NEVER do that, but it's not unusual for me in very early pregnancy for some reason). I know people bang their heads all the time, and for random (or no) reasons, but it's just uncanny. I whacked my head SO hard on the top of a low door frame when I was waiting to test with Arthur - ironically probably at this number of days past ovulation exactly! ;) I have a raised lump on my forehead, and my eye felt funny as soon as I had whacked it - I hope it's okay! :/ Trying to remember that my kids do this to their heads all the time, and they're fine! :P

Two other things that aren't usual for me on CD3 and worth noting, are increased appetite today. I have had to eat some cereal before bed just now, and I never do that.

So, this afternoon I was doing yet more pondering, and thinking about Lydia's pregnancy. I decided to look back at her chart, and when I did, I remembered that I had been 100% sure of my ovulation date, and yet in the end it was changed - anyone remember that? I had my usual obvious ovulation signs and symptoms, and my temperature started rising, so the software confirmed my ovulation right when I knew I had (as usual). But the only thing was that I continued to have EWCM for a couple of days after ovulating. I charted this as each day came, and then when I charted the 2nd or 3rd day of it, the software automatically changed my ovulation date to 3 days later than I *knew* I had ovulated. I was so annoyed! I over-rode the software by removing the EWCM data and it reverted back to the date I was sure of. Then I had a positive test (faint but there) at 9DPO, followed by a negative one the next day - much disappointment and confusion (and does this sound familiar yet?!). In the end, I began to wonder if I really HAD been wrong (I hated to consider it, because I did not want to admit being wrong about something to do with my body - a part I'm so familiar with, even! - and was so SURE about!) about my ovulation date... So I put the EWCM data back in, and the software changed my ovulation date. At the time, that meant that I was still almost too early for testing, and the positive test I'd had would have been at 6DPO - not possible, but bizarre, therefore! When I was REALLY 9DPO, I got my proper positive test, and the rest is history. And my scans confirmed the second ovulation date was correct! *swallows pride*

What got me thinking about that, is that this happened with EWCM again this cycle. I had charted EWCM up to the day of parsnips, which is the day the chart has been saying I ovulated. But I had a LOT of EWCM the next day too. My temp went up that day, and I had ovulation pain or something like it, and felt SURE I had ovulated that day, so I was glad the chart agreed with me! ;) But when I had that fallback in temperature after the initial rise, the software changed my ovulation date to 2 days after the parsnips. Two days later than I felt *sure* I had ovulated. I didn't remember Lydia's pregnancy at the time, I just felt annoyed with the software, and removed the "offending" EWCM data on that day, and felt satisfied when the software reverted my ovulation date to the day of the parsnips again. :) Only today I remembered, and put my EWCM data back where it should have been, IN CASE (and I hate to even think that I could possibly be wrong about my sense of when I ovulated! Nooo, I don't have control issues at all! :P ) I was wrong.

So NOW my chart says I ovulated two days later. My positive test of the other day now took place at 7DPO (too early!), so I don't know what is up with that, but it's uncanny that the exact same thing happened with Lydia's pregnancy! :) And therefore it has now been NINE days since I ovulated, not 11. I'm still not convinced, honestly. My chart looks weird. My coverline is really high, which I never get. My temps therefore appear to be clinging to the coverline a bit, and the original spike in temperature that I *thought* was evidence of ovulation (as it was a normal post-ovulation temp for me) is disregarded as a pre-ovulatory temp - this does not sit comfy with me!

Urgh, I've been rambling on boringly in way too much detail about temps and chart software for WAY too long! Must get to the point and go to bed, it's really late now. I'm SO tired out.

So, I am back to seeing what tomorrow's temp will be. I am sure it will be lower - possibly much lower - than today's or the previous day's, because it's Monday and Neil will go to work. Little ones may well wake me repeatedly in the hours leading up to my waking and temping time, and if Lydia wakes for the day early, that's when I'll have to temp. An early temp is a lower-than-accurate temp, so I expect my temp to have dropped tomorrow. HOW low is the important thing, for me. I'm kind of waiting for a drop into my usual range of "new cycle" temps (36.1 or lower, mayyybe 36.2...), before I release my grip on the "maybe" thing. I have no more sensitive tests, but 4 of the standard type left.

I tried to get a photo of all my tests together, tonight (whacking my head in the process, lol!), but I couldn't get anything to show really. This could be because I am seeing things (!!), or because the light was DREADFUL and I couldn't fix it on the computer either. Anyway, here's what I got. The tests are clearer in reality, but this gives an idea.

The bottom 5 tests are the sensitive ones (10mIU) that I took starting at 7DPO (the original 7DPO), that's at the very bottom, and then 8DPO on that one, and the positive test I got at 9DPO in the middle of those 5 (you can just about see that still, I think?). The negative I got yesterday is above that one, and this morning's "I think there's a line, but I must be crazy" test is at the top of the set of 5. The lone test stick above the 5 is the standard 25mIU test. Here's the photo - and then when I uploaded it to photobucket for sharing here, I saw a funky "effect" to use on the photo which actually brought out the lines I was trying to show, better, so I am posting that one underneath it too: