Tuesday, 14 April 2015

Thank you! :)

Thanks so much for the clarification! It's easy to misinterpret on the internet, and I'm grateful for the gracious responses to my post last night. I will try to get some posts on the kiddies up soon - this is maybe a good motivation for me to get an occasional update in with photos, and then at least I'll have something to look back on for their childhoods! ;)

In other news, after the worst ovulation pain in quite some time yesterday, my temp SHOT up this morning, massive jump to 36.69!! It might fallback tomorrow - sometimes that happens. But I don't need the chart software to tell me in 3 days - absolutely SURE I have ovulated. Parsnips the day before, woohoo! lol! :)

About blogging about my children, or the lack thereof.

It's after midnight and I am absolutely dizzy and queasy with tiredness, and about to head to bed, but I checked my comments on my last entry, and found more wondering about having more news of my other children - one of which referenced not knowing my little three children like the older ones, and then, quote: "And maybe that's the way you like it."!!! That's an odd thing to say! :/

I am so heavy-hearted and sad about not being able to keep up with blogging about family life. It has taken me years to come to terms with it, for my own sanity - I just can't carve out the time, or else something else has to give, and there's nothing left!! I hate, truly hate, that I have little in the way or records of my youngest children. It makes me feel so sad! I can't do it, though. I am determined not to miss recording new pregnancies, because ALL my babies have had that done for them, and I don't want any future children to come to discover that there is nothing about when I was pregnant with them. Plus it keeps me sane to write about pregnancy or whether or not I might be pregnant. It used to keep me sane to write about parenting, but these days I have other outlets to help me (prayer, Facebook, groups online that I'm part of) and I also have changed a lot. I was finding my feet as a parent before, and now... I don't have it all sorted (ohhhh FAR from it!) but I am confident and experienced now, compared with before. I don't "need" to blog like I did before, and it's just as well, because I simply CAN'T find the time!

I wish the world at large could know my littlest treasures like the older ones. They are delightful! I'm sorry. I don't need to be, but I FEEL apologetic. To the people reading my blog who feel they are missing out, to myself (who wishes so much to have the prolific written records of their babyhood, toddlerhood, and childhoods), and to my children, who haven't got that to look back on.
I absolutely do not "like it". I can't think why it would look like I prefer to keep my littlest 3 "unknown"!?

Anyway. While I'm here - no increase in temp yet. Day 11 of EWCM (!!!), but I am sure I have ovulation pain today. We'll see in the morning. Must fall into bed now.

Sunday, 12 April 2015

Waiting to ovulate...

Just a quick post to say that I'm on CD20 now, and haven't ovulated yet. I have had EWCM for TEN days straight, lol! Craaaazy! ;) So it seems like I am definitely gearing up to ovulate. Tonight I have some possible ovulation pain, but I'm beginning to doubt my ability to read my body's signals now - I was sure I had ovulation pain at least twice during the past 10 days! Along with the bad cramps in my non-pregnant luteal phase last cycle... I will just wait and see!

I had an anonymous comment last entry that just said, "Let's hear about the children you already have! :) " so I thought I would address that quickly! This is a pregnancy blog, specifically for pregnancy (and new baby) related waffling. I do sometimes write about my other little ones, but I used to write about all other things to do with motherhood and such, at my "main" blog (arthursmummy.blogspot.com). But it has been neglected for a LONG time now. I just don't have time to keep up with it, sadly! :( If I ever update here about my other children, I always have the guilts about it, like I'm cheating on my other blog, haha! ;) I should post a proper blog entry there, and leave a link here when I have done so... I am not sure if I will get around to it though - it's awful to say, because I should keep a record of life better than I do! But I just am swamped and have no time. I might do an update here instead, just quickly, about the kiddies. I am not sure, I will think about it before I write here next time. Thanks for your interest! But PLEASE do use a name, when you comment - anonymous always sets me on edge, because, well, I don't know why. It's just friendlier to identify yourself. :)

I will see what my temp is in the morning. Waiting for it to rise to indicate that I have ovulated, but every day it is still low! Nice and steady at the moment though, my low temps. I'll update again soon! :)

Friday, 27 March 2015

New cycle again.

I left my chart up for a few days after I started bleeding, because it has taken 3 days for my temp to drop, so I wasn't sure it was my period for sure. It even went up before it went down, lol! Now it has finally dropped this morning, and I am on CD4 - my period is easing off a bit now.

I didn't really feel pregnant, and my temps were definitely what I'd expect to see when pregnant - they were so up and down, and none of them were all that high. But I can now say that I guess I can no longer rely on bad cramps as a 100% definite pregnancy sign in my luteal phase, as I have finally had my first ever occurrence of bad cramps in my LP without pregnancy. Unless I had conceived without ever having the confirmation, but I'll never know - and it seems likely that I hadn't. First time though.

It would have been a December baby, which, if I'm honest, rather made me anxious! Christmas preparations wipe me out, and since Samuel's arrival on December 21st (4 years ago), it has been really stressful to fit everything in, and I am extremely sleep deprived (like 2 hours a night, lol!) in the run up to Christmas and his birthday. I was getting nervous about adding another newborn to Christmas, and also another birthday to prepare in the weeks before Christmas each year. That sounds so ungrateful now I read it back! :( I would have loved a newborn for Christmas - LOVED. I'm just being honest about the anxieties!

My cycle was only 24 days long!! I ovulated nice and "early", for me anyway, and then had an 8 day luteal phase, so it's a short cycle. I'm not excited that this is my 3rd 8 day luteal phase in a row. :/ It makes it seem like it isn't going to lengthen, and thus will never be capable of sustaining a pregnancy... I shouldn't be paranoid, there's time! But I'm used to a little extra length each cycle, even just one day longer each time. No change for 3 cycles doesn't make me feel at ease...

With a cycle that short, I think if I have a similar ovulation time this cycle, and we happen to have parsnips in the fertile window, I would *still* have a December due date, lol! Somewhere around New Year's Eve, probably. *panics* ;) It doesn't look like my cycles are fertile enough at the moment in any case.

I will still update with ovulation news when I have some though! :)

Monday, 23 March 2015

Long overdue update!

I have been soooo laid-back this cycle that I haven't really thought to get around to updating my blog! Then I checked my last entry, and whoops - I never actually closed off my last cycle here. Sorry, if anyone was wondering! That was a week or so ago, and I actually started a draft entry on the 16th (a week ago today) which only went as far as:

"Sorry again, for not updating for closure on the last cycle. I'm bad at that, I guess. No, the tests were not faulty. I still have the ones from last cycle and the positive is clear enough for me to see, fainter the night before, fainter the day after, and then a negative. I was definitely pregnant. My period was REALLY heavy, for me. It also completely wiped me out and I felt unwell and shaky and faint the first day - maybe just the heaviness? After that it was more like a normal period, though still heavier than my usual. And I was okay with it, this time. I felt a bit sad, but you know. God knows what He is doing!"

So that updates the last cycle! :)

I can't believe I am already this far into my next cycle without an update here yet! I feel strangely guilty! ;)

My cycles are becoming more normal than I expected them to be after all that long year of waiting to ovulate (thinking I might never do so again) which is thrilling! :) I had 6 days of EWCM starting on CD11 (gasp! That's almost pre-children normal for me! Except for the 6 days thing. That's more potentially fertile days than I used to have.), and then I ovulated on CD16 - SIXTEEN!!! The earliest I've ovulated for... years, I think! Actually a completely "normal" time for a woman to ovulate! Yay! :D

There was no parsnips before I ovulated, not because we were avoiding it, but because we had my grandparents to stay over the weekend that I ovulated, and the days leading up to it were an exhausting blur of house-cleaning and the usual daily things (exhausting as they are, especially for Neil with his 2 hour commute to London, starting at 4.30am, urgh!). He took Monday off though, to recover, and you know... Monday morning... ;) So I either have zero percent chance of pregnancy, due to the egg only surviving up to 24 hours after ovulation, if we missed that window, or a really great chance of pregnancy, due to "perfect" timing of parsnips and freshly ovulated egg, hehe!

I can't isolate the hour I ovulated, so I just don't know which way it is for me this time around, but I had lots of EWCM until the afternoon of the Sunday, and then suddenly less of it. Apparently that can be a sign that ovulation has taken/is taking place. I had some ovulation type pain that afternoon/evening, but I can't remember the specifics on time now. Then, Monday morning I temped on waking as usual, and got a raised temp that is in my usual post-ovulation range, which surprised me! I did have that "overly warm" feel that I usually do after I ovulate, so in that sense it didn't surprise me, but otherwise I wasn't really expecting to see it. I thought maybe I would ovulate on the Monday. So the temp is a pretty certain thing for me, though I can have the odd rogue temp like that when I haven't yet ovulated (apparently, of late). BUT the higher temps were sustained after that, so I guess I did ovulate on Sunday. BUT (again, lol!), ALL of Monday morning and up to early afternoon, I had the most awful ovulation pain. I don't think I have had ovulation pain that bad before. It was so distracting, and seemed to be on both sides instead of just one like usual. I thought I had "done something" (and it was before the parsnips, so it wasn't to do with that), strained a muscle, or something, but it was definitely ovulation pain. It completely disappeared by mid-afternoon. So maybe I ovulated later than Sunday?! :/ Sunday night? So the temp was up by the morning but the pain, etc. was still lingering? If so, then Monday morning parsnips would be very good timing.

I remembered something I once read online when we only had boys and I was sometimes posting the nub pics of their ultrasounds at ingender.com, or whatever it's called. People talking about the O+12 method - I had already come across it, but I remembered it last week again. There's a theory (tried, tested, and apparently 90% success rate) that if you time the only parsnips you have in that cycle, for 12 hours AFTER ovulation, you are way more likely to conceive a girl. ;) A mother of 8 sons tried it, after following the now-debunked Shettles method for a girl (by which I have myself two sons, incidentally - not that I was trying it, just that was how the timing worked out on those particular cycles). She researched herself, and decided to try something new, timing parsnips for 12 hours after ovulation, to catch the egg in its last few hours. And behold, she had a daughter! ;) Since then there has been a high "success" rate (I say "success" like that because to me, success is a baby, not a gender). I never tried it, because we've never wanted to TRY for a baby (after Nathan, when we first changed our family planning method to the "over to you, Lord" method. ;) ), or try to influence the timing or gender or anything. Just not prevent, and enjoy! :D And hope and pray, of course, in my case! Heather, my lovely wonderful doula, has always said that you have to take action to prevent pregnancy, you don't take action to make babies. They are made by doing nothing but enjoying a healthy relationship with your hubby, which should be the case anyway. You can't prevent pregnancy by doing nothing. So we do nothing. ;) The point of which is to explain why I never tried the O+12 method. I didn't want to influence things either way, just let God.

The natural timing of things this time happens to put me either at more than 24 hours after ovulation (but I don't THINK it was that long after really, it must have been less than 24 hours after... I'm just not sure how many hours before 24 hours...), OR it puts me approximately in the O+12 window (parsnips 12-20 hours after ovulation).

So now I am already 8DPO (feel soooo guilty for not writing here sooner, ha!) and waiting for... a period? I don't know. It's the same kind of feeling as having NO IDEA if the baby I'm carrying is a boy or a girl - it could be either way and it's just a neutral wait to find out. Feels like that.

I have spent most of the week thinking I'm probably not pregnant, because - well, nothing obvious. But my temps are WACKY!! Never seen anything like them before! They are up one day, down the next, up the next day, down the day after, etc! Weeeird. Not particularly high temps either. One of the lower temp days, I woke up mouth-breathing, so that may have skewed it, but the other days were all same time, normal conditions, etc. Just weird. I figured they must be "non-pregnant" temps, seeing as they were so different from recent cycles where I have conceived. Maybe.

I haven't had many symptoms. I am unusually hungry for the past few days, except yesterday not quite so much. I have a hormonal spot that's come up yesterday. I felt unusually weepy one day a few days after ovulating (I almost NEVER feel weepy, so it's always a heads-up for me that something "different" is going on). It was sore to breastfeed for a few days from ovulation onwards, which is odd for me, but it's cleared up now, so maybe that was just something else. I had some odd crampy sensations a few days ago, which weren't usual for me, and in the end after much pondering, I put them down to constipation or something, since I couldn't be sure it wasn't due to that (I'm so constipated!!! It's my usual state, but it's worse this past week). But see, those are pretty small things, and even if I am not pregnant, I have hormones anyway, as my luteal phase goes on! So all of those could be down to that. Not sure about the hunger, for me, but yeah. No nausea this cycle - I had a mild bit one of the hungry days when I didn't get lunch fast enough, but nothing else.

BUT, though. Today I was making lunch for the children, and while I was standing there buttering bread, I suddenly became really really crampy. Within a few minutes it was classic period pain, hot and radiating, and through to my lower back on both sides. I kept making lunch, and then maybe 5 minutes of this period pain later, I felt a bit "leaky", so I knew I had my period, what with the pain just starting then too. Usually when I get my period the bleeding starts before the period pain, but whatever, it came on within the same 5 minutes. So I hurried through the rest of the lunch, desperate to get to the loo and get myself sorted out if I was starting my period. I got the kids at the table eating lunch and dashed off upstairs to find nothing at all on my underwear. The cramps were just as bad, so I figured I'd use the toilet and then wipe, and THEN it would be there, but still nothing, just the same CM I've been having since ovulating. For the first time, I thought, "Hmmm...!" ;) But I figured maybe my period would turn up in a little while. The next chance I got to remember about it was a few hours later, mid-afternoon, and I realised I had no crampy sensation at all! None! I couldn't remember how long it had lasted or when it cleared up (I am SO BUSY all day long!! My brain can't remember anything, lol!), but it was gone. It came back for a short bit (10 mins maybe?) later in the afternoon, and I went to the loo but there was no bleeding. And that was it. I've had some mild cramping since, but nothing much, and now it's midnight (aaaaargh, my alarm will go off in six hours!!!!) and I have no bleeding, but mild low backache and mild cramping right now, which I have had on and off all day, and for the last few days here and there.

Soooo, you know what I'm going to say. "Bad cramps" (on my chart) which occur in the luteal phase without being followed by my period within the hour, always. ALWAYS. mean pregnancy, for me. Always. And I may not be pregnant this time, but if that's the case, this will be the first time that I have ever had bad cramps in my luteal phase without my period following straight after, and NOT been pregnant. Ever, in all my 11 years of pregnancies! So that is a definite HMMM, even with all the other things that have made me think I am probably not pregnant. There's no denying this particular symptom. Maybe it'll be a new thing as I'm getting older or something, in my luteal phase? I don't buy it myself, but hey I'm open to the possibility. Maybe... We'll see.

I am very tired today, so I'm a crazy woman staying up this late to update my blog! :/ It's strange for me to be 8DPO and totally unable to rely on my temps for interpretation for once! They are so weird and have no pattern at all, so I can't hang anything on what tomorrow's temp will be! If it drops right down though, it will be a good sign that I'll start a period tomorrow, at least there's that. I'm really excited to have made it to 9DPO in the morning (which I will, as I'm going to bed now!), if I'm not pregnant, because I was wondering how long my LP might be without pregnancy to maybe eke it out a little more than otherwise, and the last two (both conceptions that didn't stick) were 8 days long - not enough. :( So if I get my period tomorrow then I will have had another 8 day luteal phase. It doesn't thrill me that I seem to be stuck with my luteal phase only lasting 8 days (no progression of it getting longer, like I'm used to), but it's a positive thing that I will have made it that far without the help of a pregnancy - hopefully the next one, if I conceive again, might be a little bit longer and it might be long enough to sustain a pregnancy?

The one other thing is... I have had a bit of EWCM on one occasion during the day AFTER I ovulated (literally, one time when I went to the loo, there was EWCM, and the rest of the day, none), and again the following day (two days after ovulation). When that happens, Fertility Friend likes to change your ovulation date to a bit later, because EWCM isn't supposed to occur much after ovulation. So it makes them think you haven't ovulated yet if you still have it, if you see what I mean. I had almost none, and nothing like the 6 days prior (tons, all day long), but you have to note it if you have it. The chart did that for me this cycle. At first it said that I ovulated on CD16, and then just this morning at 8DPO, when I entered my temp, it changed my ovulation date to CD19 for some reason! I took the last day of EWCM off (CD18) and it reverted back to CD16 for my ovulation date. So I'll keep it like that for now. I need to be aware that they might be right, much as I always hate to admit, lol! The first time this ever happened, was when Lydia was conceived. I KNEW when I ovulated, I had a little bit of EWCM after I usually do, after ovulation, and they went and changed my ovulation date around this time in my LP. I was so annoyed, and then oh, it turned out they were right and I somehow ovulated later than I thought, despite all my symptoms and knowing my body so well with all these years of being Crazy Obsesso-Woman, lol! ;) Goes to show! It has happened once in recent months as well. So, with that crazy ovulation pain and the VERY OBVIOUS fertile CM and symptoms, AND the temp rise after CD16, I totally think I ovulated then, but there is a chance I didn't ovulate until a couple of days later (or 3 days, if FF is correct). Which definitely gives me a good chance at being pregnant this cycle. :) But it would make me only 5DPO so far.

Anyway, I must go to bed! I will update again, and try to do better at this closure thing when I get my period! Sorry about that!

Friday, 27 February 2015

9DPO - not looking so good...

I was surprised to get a drop in temperature this morning. I did wake up at 5.50am which is earlier than my usual time, obviously (crazy early!) but I temped anyway because after I settled Lydia back to sleep, it would have been time to get up and pray and prepare for my day, so I just got up. Turned out to be a beautiful and productive start to the day, and I saw a lovely sunrise which always helps! :) So, my temp would have been lower than usual, but not necessarily by a lot. It was quite a bit lower.

That was not what I was expecting! I still felt pregnant. Last night when I was lying in bed trying to get to sleep, I had PROPER bad cramps, at last! :) Without a period to go with them, I knew that they meant implantation, so that was exciting! :) They were hot and vice-like, definite period-or-implantation cramps. I was lying on my back, and I had that BH contraction feeling, and after that I had some vice-like pressure/searing cramps, quite like period pain. This stayed until I went to sleep, along with some on-and-off periody cramps. DEFINITELY "bad cramps". This morning the bad cramps were gone (another absolute pregnancy sign for me, without a period having arrived while the bad cramps were there), and I just felt mildly crampy.

So, after I got up and prayed, and the children woke up, and we had breakfast, I finally got around to going for the first wee of the day, lol! I tested around 13 hours after the last test last night, and expected at least a line as clear as yesterday's but it looks negative to me. :( There's a shadow of a line, I think, more like yesterday morning, but still negative. :( I checked it against yesterday morning's test and yesterday evening's, and I can really see the difference - it looks like yesterday morning's, and the evening test is a more obvious positive, though very faint. I really was not expecting my period to show though. I definitely felt (feel!) pregnant, but with a drop like today's and a negative test at 9DPO, I suddenly felt doubtful for the first time this cycle... Maybe it's going to be another chemical pregnancy? I was so sure it wouldn't be though...

By late morning I was feeling very crampy and heavy in the pit of my abdomen again, and thus began the many many trips to the loo to check to see if I had my period, because I started to get paranoid! I felt like I was leaking something at one point in the morning, but it was just CM.  It reminded me VERY much of being actually pregnant! ;) It's such normal behaviour at this stage in my luteal phase when I AM pregnant! :) Especially with feeling SO crampy like I was, proper heavy periody cramps, which NEVER happens unless I'm pregnant. I was also greatly reassured when I started to feel very mildly queasy around 11am, same as before. By 11.30am I was feeling scrunchingly hungry, and have been very hungry and nibbly the rest of the day, so I'm definitely charting increased appetite. My skin is weirdly soft today, for sure, which Neil confirmed when he got home from work! :) I have constant crampiness, sometimes more mild, but mostly moderate to bad cramps this morning. This afternoon I have had mild cramps, mostly. I am still getting new spots that I only ever get when hormones are involved, but more commonly for me when pregnant. Still having some heartburn. The backache I had yesterday is now very mild on the right side - I can still prod a sore muscle the same as before, but the searing pain is gone, so maybe it WASN'T an injury after all?! :) The same on-and-off discomfort/pulling/pain is there on the front right side which I originally thought was radiating pain from my back "injury", but now I'm thinking maybe implantation? I would absolutely have put it down to that originally, if it weren't for the muscle pain through the other side in my back.

I ended up going crazy and testing again with 2nd morning urine only 2-3 hours after doing the previous (negative) test! :P I remembered a dear friend saying she gets her BFPs with 2nd morning urine, and does better with 25miU tests than 10miU ones, so I tested with a newly arrived 25miU test, and saw a shadowy line within the first minute or two. I was so encouraged! BUT, very faint, and really when I waited longer, it didn't get stronger, and I'm not convinced there's colour to it... can't be an evaporation line after only 1-2 minutes while the background is still clearing, surely?! Also now it's dried a bit, I'm not sure if I can see ANY line at all in certain lights and at certain angles, so does that negate the line I can see at a flat-on-the-sink-surface angle?! I would post a photo, but it's all too faint to show up, and I couldn't be bothered to faff about with photo editing software! DEFINITELY still feel pregnant, but the tests and temp are confusing me! :/

So then, fast-forward to this evening. I had been continuing to feel mildly queasy all afternoon, and Neil was home, and I told him about my temp drop and said that I had been checking my underwear all day because of paranoia! And on that note, I said I would just go and check it again, since I hadn't for an hour or so. TOTALLY did not expect to see pink spotting. :( Then I thought, well, it's only a little, and it's only pink, and you know, spotting is actually quite common in healthy pregnancies during implantation (as I personally know already!). But still - sinking feeling...

I put a pad on so I could keep an eye on it, and carried on with kiddies' dinner and pyjamas and nappies and bedtime, etc. Right before the boys got in bed, I found a moment to dash to the loo to check the pad - nothing on it! So I was encouraged. About 30 minutes in to doing their individual snuggles and prayers (it takes me about an hour to work through them all), I felt leaky, and went to check. A couple of tiny spots on the pad, but RED. Hmmm, not so good, maybe? I finished bedtime and went downstairs to find Neil cooking dinner for us (sometimes we eat after they are in bed, but often we all eat as a family). So I took the chance to check again - a couple more red spots, not much. I also noticed that the bad cramps and backache were back, starting when I first saw the pink spotting, but that has been here on-and-off through the day anyway. So maybe it's a period, and maybe not?

After we ate dinner, I felt leaky again, and now I have more of a hot searing backache and the same cramps as before, but darker red spotting, and more of it. :( I wouldn't call it flow yet, it's definitely just spotting, but I'm thinking now that it might be the start of the end. My temperature should confirm that in the morning, but I took a look at my chart from last cycle, and saw that my temp dropped to exactly the same temp as today, the day I started bleeding, and THEN it hung around at that level the next day, and then went UP the day after! Talk about confusing! I will be frustrated if that happens again this time, because it really doesn't allow me to have closure on things, it keeps me hoping that MAYBE I'm still pregnant and it's just implantation, when I'm not and it isn't. I am thinking maybe my progesterone levels are still too low, like they were when the doctor checked them last year. I'm wondering, anyway. I'm getting older after all...

The only thing left to hope with, is that I still feel properly morning sick this evening. I feel shattered - totally physically wiped out, very like pre-period, or the normal early pregnancy exhaustion. The smell of washing powder makes me feel sick and gaggy today. I definitely have some symptoms that can't be explained away by anything other than pregnancy hormones, and I don't have a shadow of doubt in my mind that I've conceived, but I think maybe it can take a day or two for those hormones to drop enough for the symptoms to subside? I don't know. I was still feeling generally more hopeful than not, even with the spotting, but now that it's a bit heavier I don't know. Last cycle when I started bleeding though, it was BRIGHT red, and I noted it as weirdly so - crazy bright, for days. This is dark red, which I guess is more in keeping with my early pregnancy bleeds in past pregnancies...

There's not much I can do by just wondering and going round in circles! I should go to bed, and see what the morning brings. Temp, which should drop if this is my period, and if it doesn't drop - if it stays level or goes up, then test. I am feeling less and less hopeful of seeing a positive test this time around though. :(

Thursday, 26 February 2015

8DPO - could it be?!...

It's late and I must get to bed, but I need to update here first. I will copy and paste from my chart notes for speed. I just didn't want to leave 8DPO without its own update, as it has been fairly eventful today! :)

This morning I had an identical temp to yesterday, and was feeling BURNING hot in bed on waking (even at 6.30am!), so I thought for sure it would be minimum 36.8-something or 36.9, but it was 36.78 again. Nearly as high though, and no drop. Flat temps, hmmm! I've had flat temps before in pregnant cycles, but not for quite a few babies! :)

8DPO is the earliest I will let myself test, and since that day had finally arrived, and my temp was high, I decided to. I only had 2 expired tests (25miU at that) but with my first-morning-urine (which I had urgently needed since the early hours but saved just in case!), I decided I might as well use them as not. I expected a total negative result because I'm only 8DPO (and have never had a positive test before 9DPO - and have even had negative results at 9DPO before when pregnant too), but otherwise they'd go in the bin when replaced by the ones coming in the post today anyway. So I used one. And there was a faint line! Took 5-10 mins to show (negative must be confirmed by waiting 5-10 mins as per instructions) and super faint, but I was juuust about able to get it to show in a photo, and there's some extremely faded pink colour to it! :) The only way I could get it to show up enough was to make the photo darker and black and white. It's such a barely-there line that I wouldn't call it a positive - or I would feel unsure charting a positive test result... Anyway, here's the photo from this morning's test:



I knew my new pregnancy tests would be arriving in the post today at some point, so I decided to keep the urine I used for the test, as the tests arriving would be more sensitive (10miU). I did buy a few 25miU tests as well. They arrived mid-morning, and I dipped a 10miU test in my FMU. It looked negative after the first couple of minutes (you have to wait until 10 to rule out a negative result in the new tests too) and the children were interrupting me all the time at the bathroom door (you can't imagine how hard it was to photograph the earlier test - I had to smuggle the camera into the bathroom in a basket of clean laundry, lol!). So I left it, and returned at around the 10 minute mark, to find a faded PINK fat line, just about visible. I don't think it was an evaporation line as it was too soon for that, I think, and there was colour to the line... BUT still too faint to call positive. I didn't get chance to take a photo but I'm pretty sure I would have struggled to get it to even show up on a photo, and I didn't have time to fiddle with it! :P Later in the day, when I went back to look at it, I wasn't sure if I could see anything at all really, so I was a bit confused because I just KNOW in my knower that I'm properly pregnant, and am just waiting for the tests to catch up with the fact and show it! :P I feel a bit silly and guilty as though I'm being complacent, but I can't explain it. I just know. Did I mention this yesterday? I can't remember. It feels like ages since I last updated, but my last entry says "7DPO" so it must have only been yesterday! ;) I feel like I shouldn't be so sure of myself about it, but I'm not trying to be. Last cycle I had SO many pregnancy symptoms and was sure I was pregnant (and I was), but even so, I was constantly hoping and wondering each evening that my temp might not drop. Often I felt doubtful, even in spite of the symptoms. Not this cycle, it feels so different. I am almost doing my days without dwelling on my luteal phase at all. I am not even obsessing much at all! I feel strangely as though I am just biding my time and waiting until enough time has passed that I can see those positive tests that I'm already feeling on the inside. I feel further on in pregnancy than I actually am, which is a statement that makes NO sense whatsoever, and I can't explain it, but there it is. I'm NOT further on, I just feel... further along! :/ Confusing, sorry! I can't describe it any other way!

I have been having more heartburn than usual for the past few days, and it's been bothersome ALL day today, on and off. I've had a lot of trouble with morning sickness type feelings, and my nose has become super sensitive today - very handy when trying to track down a dodgy smell somewhere in the kitchen (!!) but not so handy when it makes me feel queasy to smell things! I opened the back door this morning and in 0.3 seconds I knew a cat had pooed in the garden overnight. Ugh! If it hadn't been pouring with rain I would have had a walk about to see if I could sniff out where it was!

I feel really quite crampy today. Mostly mild cramps... My backache from yesterday is still pretty bad, but more crampy/pully than injury today. I have had some definite pulling and twinges inside my hips though, on both sides, but more persistently on my right side (where the back (injury?) pain and radiating abdominal pain was yesterday). I have been more crampy this afternoon and evening, worse than mild cramps, but I am not sure if they could be classed as bad cramps, even for me... Charting bad cramps for now. Definitely more than mild cramps... I have a slight sore throat on once side this pm/eve, which is worsening a little. It has been hanging around mildly for a day or so, NOT viral, just more like that "is it/isn't it a sore throat" thing that I've had in the 2WW before sometimes.

Neil says my skin MAY be weirdly soft - especially on my left cheek, lol! I'm not sure either. He will check again tomorrow. :)

I had another yucky afternoon/evening feeling queasy with everything smelling of old car, yesterday. Today, the queasy feeling started at 10.30am!! It is making me SO nervous... :/ I'm only just at 3 weeks - what on earth would I be like at 4 and a half (when it started with Lydia)?! Or SIX (when it started with most of the boys, and kicked into a higher gear with Lydia)?!! I could be actually vomiting, which I am SO VERY THANKFUL to have avoided thus far in my reproductive career! :/ The difference today was that I didn't have so much of the car smell. Chewing my finger/fingernails makes me feel a bit yucky (definite morning sickness sign - aaaargh! This doesn't usually happen until another couple of weeks have passed!!!!), and I have had a yucky metallic taste in my mouth some of the time this afternoon and evening. I have just felt mildly queasy in the background of everything. I made roast chicken, etc. for dinner, and making the gravy at 6.30pm made me feel gaggy, just the consistency made me feel a bit sick, and then slightly gaggy as I was watching it being stirred in the pan. I am most definitely absolutely pregnant. I wasn't sure if I could eat the dinner, even though I wasn't feeling too sick or anything, when I sat down to it. I ate it anyway - oh and I felt sick at lunch time and made myself a ham and cheese and cucumber sandwich, which I felt slightly queasy eating, and then felt better for eating straight away, followed by slightly queasy not long after finishing (morning sickness pattern, for me). I'm also noticing an ever so slightly bitter taste to food, especially crisps. I almost gagged on a parsnip this evening - not the sweeter tip, but the part nearer to the root that sometimes has that... yucky, almost garlicky taste - can't describe it, but it made me almost physically gag when I was chewing it. DEFINITELY pregnant. No other possible reason in the whole wide world. Just impatient for the tests to confirm it! ;)

Right before the boys went to bed tonight, I was upstairs getting pyjamas, and needed a wee, and was suddenly seized with the urge to test again! I felt quite silly as I'm STILL 8DPO, and have already crazily tested today, lol! But I hadn't been for a good long while (5/6 hours at least?), and had a pack of 10 super early tests to use up which will sit around for ages (ever?!) once I know I'm pregnant and don't need them any more! :P So I used another. That's what super early tests are for, right?! ;)

Well, after a few minutes, it looked negative, so I went out of the bathroom to finish getting the pyjamas for the little boys. The window on the wasn't 100% white yet, but almost completely, and I'd been there at least 5 mins. When I had finished gathering clothes, I came back - just before the 10 minute mark I would think, though I wasn't timing it. There looked like a very faint line, with colour, and fat, not a thin stripe, like this morning but I didn't have time to compare them, and thought not much of it, since it was obviously no different to earlier and I would likely test again in the morning anyway. Finally after the boys were prayed for, and snuggled, and going to sleep, I had chance to sneak back into the bathroom to collect both this morning's and this evening's tests for detailed examination downstairs (and to show Neil), around 9.15pm! ;) There IS a line! I can barely make out a shadow of one on this morning's test, but there's more of a shadowy line on this evening's than this morning's!!! :D I handed them to Neil and he squinted at them for AGES, not seeing anything. He often can't see the super duper faint lines on early tests that I can see. He says, "Nah!" and then I have to point a pencil tip at where I mean him to see the almost non-existent line, lol! And sometimes he sees it, then. Sometimes not. Anyway, he was very patient with me! ;) He took his glasses off, and held the tests at various angles, and then suddenly said, "Oh!" And I said, "Which one?" He said, "The bottom one."  and pointed at the shadowy line. I told him the top test was this morning's and the bottom test was this evening's. :) I think I could almost call it a BFP (this evening's not this morning's), but Neil says he thinks I need something more visible to call it one, so I'm not sure what to chart right now. But obvious progression - yay! Now that I'll be testing only 12 hours from now (presuming my temp doesn't drop, which for some inexplicable reason, I have no qualms about - even though it COULD happen, pregnant or not, I just feel so sure I'm pregnant and it's not about to end), there might not actually be any difference in the line tomorrow morning from this evening's... Oh well. I will see. I can't NOT test tomorrow morning with FMU though, can I?! ;)

OH! I forgot to say here, because it happened after I updated my blog, in the afternoon - I was leaning on the bannisters upstairs, talking to Benjamin who was playing in one of the bedrooms, and Arthur appeared on the stairs and said, "Mummy? Have you got a baby in your tummy?" I was totally floored and just opened and closed my mouth, and was not awfully cool about it, lol! I didn't give him an answer, just said, "What makes you ask that?!" and he told me, "Matthew said he thinks you've got a baby in your tummy, so I came to ask if you have!" Then Matthew appeared next to him, smiling away. I could NOT help smiling, aaaargh, I tried so hard to keep a straight face, because they're old enough at 8 and 10!!!! I don't want to give anything away before it's 100%, and even then I would prefer to let them know later than this! Anyway, I asked Matthew the same question, and he said it was because he looked up the stairs and saw me leaning on the bannisters in a certain way, as though I was "trying to feel.... maybe a baby inside?!" Bless! I said, as far as I KNOW (because I had no positive test yesterday), there isn't, but I felt a bit guilty saying that, as I felt instinctively that I DO have a baby growing inside me. :/ The fact that he said that makes me even more excited, because he did that with Lydia's pregnancy at 6DPO, just randomly, the same as yesterday (7DPO). :) Arthur has also done this in very early pregnancies before, when he hadn't yet known about my pregnancy. Or children (Nathan and Matthew) have randomly started discussing a name for the next baby while I was waiting to test once! Seems like a good pregnancy sign to me! ;)

Happy note: Matthew was VERY disappointed that I wasn't pregnant. He said he would REALLY like another baby, and he doesn't mind if it's a girl or a boy, just another baby would be so lovely. Love that boy! :)

I will update tomorrow! :)