Well, my temperature dropped this morning, to 36.4. Still a post-ovulatory temp for me, but a significant drop, so I knew that was the end of that really. I still felt pretty nauseous from waking again this morning, and am a bit queasy still now, but I got some different cramps that started at about 11am (sort of I-mean-business cramps, lol!) and started my period about 5 minutes later.
So today I am just not setting myself any goals, as I don't know what to expect from this period. It has only been an hour or so. So far I am really sore and not feeling nice, and I'm dizzier than usual with periods, but then periods AREN'T that nice in any case! ;)
I do still feel that conception definitely took place and implantation definitely got started. I started to second-guess myself this morning after my temp dropped, but after thinking about it, even though it does just look like I didn't conceive and just had a usual but short luteal phase with some wacky hormones, I really really really do know my body by now and am more than certain I was at the beginning of a pregnancy. I'm glad I said a sort of hello-and-goodbye two nights ago as I lay in bed, with my hand over my pubic bone, just thinking of what probably wasn't to be. I was not about to write about it here at the time! I don't think I have ever done that before, but I sort of felt like I was really sure a little somebody was there, and yet I also felt fairly sure that I would only have a few days, so I tried to keep that in mind and cherish them! And I did! :) That felt nice, and different to previous chemical pregnancies. Of course I have no actual evidence that I had a chemical pregnancy, because I didn't even get far enough in my LP to test! Feels a bit daft if I look at it like that! But I think I will count it as one in my head, only because of the absoluteness of the symptoms, chart, and familiarity with such things after so many in just a few years. I think if parsnips happen to fall in the fertile window next time (and let's face it, the likelihood is high, because we don't try to avoid it, and partake way more when my hormones dictate! I only chart the fertile-window parsnips), then I may well be looking at another chemical pregnancy if we conceive, because this past cycle I have had a 7 day luteal phase - NOT very long at all. It really needs to get to 10 before I actually get to sustaining a pregnancy, and the increase in number of days is very slow for me, usually one or maybe two per cycle.
I am not so eager for another baby that I want one at all costs!! I have a 6-month-old baby! Not to mention three other small children! And I love enjoying them without morning sickness, and knowing I have plenty of milk for my baby for a while to come, without pregnancy hormones drying it up! I am eager for another baby/pregnancy as part of being eager for God's blessings and His plan to unfold - that's sooooo exciting!!! And I love being pregnant and having babies! But I wouldn't mind the next few months without at all. I am just not feeling toooo crazy about likely getting pregnant again and being so so so sure again like this past cycle, and having all the symptoms, and then knowing that I'm pretty much waiting for a period because it won't/can't work with my LP too short. It's probably daft of me attaching myself to the idea of a baby in the FIRST WEEK after ovulation! But if a baby attaches itself to ME during that window, and I know about it, I can't help myself. After my little hello-and-goodbye chat the other night, I did then pray that God would somehow lengthen my luteal phase enough for the little one to stay - I knew it was risky actually laying my hand there and talking to that little ball of cells! ;) But more than that I wanted what God's plan was for me, for my family, for the children he has already pre-destined, and so that's what I eventually ended up praying. I do feel at peace about it, and I'm excited to one day meet extra children when I get to heaven! But I feel a little bit deflated at the idea of the same thing again next cycle, possibly. God's plan, God's plan. Gotta keep my eyes on GOD'S plan. Then all I have is praise :)
I will be back in a few weeks! ;)
Thursday, 4 February 2010
Wednesday, 3 February 2010
7DPO ramblings...
Did you see my temp this morning?! I was sort of expecting a drop, but nope! I had the same temperature as yesterday (flat temps, both before and after the "implantation dip"!! Hmmm!) so if I have another tomorrow like today's my chart will officially be triphasic, even though I'll only be 8DPO. Also, that in itself is exciting to me - EIGHT days past ovulation! I didn't know my LP would be this long yet - well, I wondered after last cycle, but I had no way of knowing.
Today has been a weird day. I can't even remember half of it. The main thing apart from the continuous (and sometimes really bothersome) queasiness has been the utter and complete exhaustion. Yesterday evening's entry mentioned me being "washed out" and exhausted, but now I'm at THIS evening, I see that I was practically skipping through fields of poppies last night compared with today. I feel absolutely grey with exhaustion, for no real reason. That could well be a sign that tomorrow I will get my period. Or, you know, a pregnancy symptom. I still maintain that I am absolutely 100% definitely pregnant at this moment in time. I feel pregnant. I have so many very familiar signs and symptoms, not just a little bit but all up in my face! ;) I have flat temps, an implantation dip in my typical window (between 4 and 7dpo) with associated CLEAR symptoms (for me) of implantation on the same day as the dip, and if my luteal phase does carry on until tomorrow, possibly a triphasic chart.
Today I have a definite increase in my sense of smell. My body is hungry before meals are due but my appetite is affected by this yucky queasy tummy. I am still really gassy but more up in my stomach now. The lemon soap in the bathroom is turning my stomach now that my nose is suddenly more sensitive. I had to put that same soap away last pregnancy (we had a pack of 4 and are just now using them up!). And right now I am eating an Oreo and can smell stale cigarettes from the taste in my mouth. Weirdness. Today I have an evvver so slightly sore/scratchy throat, with no possible exposure to any colds. I had forgotten about that one from my two-week-wait in Matthew's pregnancy! And Nathan's too, I think. I don't think I had that last pregnancy with Benjamin. I have had some bad cramps today. They have been a bit more "squeezy" or vice-like in nature, and are central and right down low in the pit of my abdomen. I have been convinced sooo many times today that my period has arrived, and have been to check several times, only to find absolutely nothing. The cramps have been rather on-and-off (also suspicious of pregnancy, never mind the whole thing about how I never have bad cramps during a luteal phase unless I'm pregnant!). The vice-like cramps in the centre have made me feel a bit sicky when they occur. They feel very familiar to me from previous pregnancies, but they're also so similar to period cramps that it's hard to be sure they're not to do with a period on the way (though I never cramp badly before a period starts, but anyway!).
Soooo what else? Just tired. So tired! Today for some crazy reason I decided to start potty training Matthew, and it has not been an easy day! ;) I have felt suddenly weepy at children's TV (another norm for me in early pregnancy, but probably could happen before a period too), and also definitely more irritable than usual today, but that could be a knock-on effect from the tiredness. This is day two of slightly tender breasts. Nursing is not sore though. I am not 100% sure that my milk supply is the same as it was a week ago. I usually know which breast I didn't feed with last because it's fuller when I check as I go to feed Benjamin, but today after a few hours there was no fullness really in either :S I am getting behind on my Through the Bible in 90 Days challenge because I am too tired for my eyes to read the words. I do read, and I am getting it read, but with a goal of about 15 chapters per day, I am just not able to do it when I feel this exhausted. My eyes start rolling around in my head spontaneously after about 3 chapters, haha! ;)
I am getting some pully-stretchy pains inside my hips on both sides, just short sensations here and there throughout the day. I also had a certain "bubbly" feeling that I wrote about with Arthur and Matthew's pregnancies during my LPs too, I think. Today and yesterday I have had what I now think are mini ligament pains, inside my hips. They occur both randomly and when I do things like getting up from my bed and twisting to pick Benjamin up from the bed as I'm almost upright. Then I get a quick flash of a twingey pain inside a hip. I know that is pregnant of me. I don't have lots of incidences, but those that have occurred have been just today and yesterday.
Okay I think that is all for today. Still SURE I am pregnant, but expecting to have a chemical pregnancy and a period eventually, because - maybe I shouldn't think this way? - that's the way I seem to do things. I am starting to wish it didn't have to be so inevitable and I could enjoy and be excited about some of these obvious pregnancy signs as they are occurring, but really I am just waiting for it all to end one way or another. Trying not to get attached to the idea of a little one starting to take root, which is really becoming difficult due to the fairly obvious signs that a little one IS taking root. All the more reason I should just cherish however few days I have attached to the new beginnings of a person, and celebrate the fact that it would be another child to meet one day in eternity. That is pretty special (I already have five!!) and it helps a lot to think of it that way. But I probably just should not even think about tiny bundles of furiously dividing cells burrowing into me in a determined manner! I LOVE to think of such things, but I probably shouldn't this time :(
On the other hand, somewhere around noon today I felt like something was a little different than in the morning. I wondered if my hormones were changing with my short LP kicking in, and my body therefore starting to shed the whole pregnancy thing and get busy preparing for a period. I haven't felt so hot inside through the afternoon as I have for the past few days. My feet are really cold tonight! I had a headache in the afternoon that was yucky and persistant and I immediately thought that it must obviously be the pre-period headache that I often get in the 12 or so hours before a period turns up (to do with hormones dropping or something). I took painkillers in the end and actually it cleared right up, which my pre-period headaches usually don't do (nothing touches them normally), so I don't know.
Today I have swung back and forth from feeling like I am absolutely definitely 100% pregnant and maybe it could really pan out! To feeling like I am absolutely definitely 100% about to get my period at any moment! ;)
But it's almost time for me to go to bed (early for me, but sooooooo tired) and no sign of my period yet. Tomorrow I am 8DPO, and it all hinges on what my temperature is in the morning, I think. I'm almost nervous (nervous-excitement, that is) about taking it, I'm so eager to find out one way or the other what my body is doing! If it drops and I get my period I will have had a 7 day luteal phase, which is not bad for my 3rd cycle at only 6 months postpartum! If it does not drop then we'll see. Even if my chart continues to be a pretty clear pregnancy chart, on any given day it could all suddenly cut off - that's how most of my chemical pregnancies have ended, and later than this too. It's too early to test still, which is somewhat driving me just a tiny bit crazy, but I have already considered testing at 8DPO, even being crazily early for any sort of accurate result. I have expired tests to use up, and who knows if I would just get a temp drop at 9DPO anyway, so it would be exciting to have a triphasic chart or something and test, even if it was negative! :) So I possibly might, without expecting anything at all. Just for the fun of it! And because it might be the last chance before my period shows. But I do wonder about the less "hot" feeling and whether that means my temp has already dropped down. I will be sure to update tomorrow! Right now I am going to bed!
Today has been a weird day. I can't even remember half of it. The main thing apart from the continuous (and sometimes really bothersome) queasiness has been the utter and complete exhaustion. Yesterday evening's entry mentioned me being "washed out" and exhausted, but now I'm at THIS evening, I see that I was practically skipping through fields of poppies last night compared with today. I feel absolutely grey with exhaustion, for no real reason. That could well be a sign that tomorrow I will get my period. Or, you know, a pregnancy symptom. I still maintain that I am absolutely 100% definitely pregnant at this moment in time. I feel pregnant. I have so many very familiar signs and symptoms, not just a little bit but all up in my face! ;) I have flat temps, an implantation dip in my typical window (between 4 and 7dpo) with associated CLEAR symptoms (for me) of implantation on the same day as the dip, and if my luteal phase does carry on until tomorrow, possibly a triphasic chart.
Today I have a definite increase in my sense of smell. My body is hungry before meals are due but my appetite is affected by this yucky queasy tummy. I am still really gassy but more up in my stomach now. The lemon soap in the bathroom is turning my stomach now that my nose is suddenly more sensitive. I had to put that same soap away last pregnancy (we had a pack of 4 and are just now using them up!). And right now I am eating an Oreo and can smell stale cigarettes from the taste in my mouth. Weirdness. Today I have an evvver so slightly sore/scratchy throat, with no possible exposure to any colds. I had forgotten about that one from my two-week-wait in Matthew's pregnancy! And Nathan's too, I think. I don't think I had that last pregnancy with Benjamin. I have had some bad cramps today. They have been a bit more "squeezy" or vice-like in nature, and are central and right down low in the pit of my abdomen. I have been convinced sooo many times today that my period has arrived, and have been to check several times, only to find absolutely nothing. The cramps have been rather on-and-off (also suspicious of pregnancy, never mind the whole thing about how I never have bad cramps during a luteal phase unless I'm pregnant!). The vice-like cramps in the centre have made me feel a bit sicky when they occur. They feel very familiar to me from previous pregnancies, but they're also so similar to period cramps that it's hard to be sure they're not to do with a period on the way (though I never cramp badly before a period starts, but anyway!).
Soooo what else? Just tired. So tired! Today for some crazy reason I decided to start potty training Matthew, and it has not been an easy day! ;) I have felt suddenly weepy at children's TV (another norm for me in early pregnancy, but probably could happen before a period too), and also definitely more irritable than usual today, but that could be a knock-on effect from the tiredness. This is day two of slightly tender breasts. Nursing is not sore though. I am not 100% sure that my milk supply is the same as it was a week ago. I usually know which breast I didn't feed with last because it's fuller when I check as I go to feed Benjamin, but today after a few hours there was no fullness really in either :S I am getting behind on my Through the Bible in 90 Days challenge because I am too tired for my eyes to read the words. I do read, and I am getting it read, but with a goal of about 15 chapters per day, I am just not able to do it when I feel this exhausted. My eyes start rolling around in my head spontaneously after about 3 chapters, haha! ;)
I am getting some pully-stretchy pains inside my hips on both sides, just short sensations here and there throughout the day. I also had a certain "bubbly" feeling that I wrote about with Arthur and Matthew's pregnancies during my LPs too, I think. Today and yesterday I have had what I now think are mini ligament pains, inside my hips. They occur both randomly and when I do things like getting up from my bed and twisting to pick Benjamin up from the bed as I'm almost upright. Then I get a quick flash of a twingey pain inside a hip. I know that is pregnant of me. I don't have lots of incidences, but those that have occurred have been just today and yesterday.
Okay I think that is all for today. Still SURE I am pregnant, but expecting to have a chemical pregnancy and a period eventually, because - maybe I shouldn't think this way? - that's the way I seem to do things. I am starting to wish it didn't have to be so inevitable and I could enjoy and be excited about some of these obvious pregnancy signs as they are occurring, but really I am just waiting for it all to end one way or another. Trying not to get attached to the idea of a little one starting to take root, which is really becoming difficult due to the fairly obvious signs that a little one IS taking root. All the more reason I should just cherish however few days I have attached to the new beginnings of a person, and celebrate the fact that it would be another child to meet one day in eternity. That is pretty special (I already have five!!) and it helps a lot to think of it that way. But I probably just should not even think about tiny bundles of furiously dividing cells burrowing into me in a determined manner! I LOVE to think of such things, but I probably shouldn't this time :(
On the other hand, somewhere around noon today I felt like something was a little different than in the morning. I wondered if my hormones were changing with my short LP kicking in, and my body therefore starting to shed the whole pregnancy thing and get busy preparing for a period. I haven't felt so hot inside through the afternoon as I have for the past few days. My feet are really cold tonight! I had a headache in the afternoon that was yucky and persistant and I immediately thought that it must obviously be the pre-period headache that I often get in the 12 or so hours before a period turns up (to do with hormones dropping or something). I took painkillers in the end and actually it cleared right up, which my pre-period headaches usually don't do (nothing touches them normally), so I don't know.
Today I have swung back and forth from feeling like I am absolutely definitely 100% pregnant and maybe it could really pan out! To feeling like I am absolutely definitely 100% about to get my period at any moment! ;)
But it's almost time for me to go to bed (early for me, but sooooooo tired) and no sign of my period yet. Tomorrow I am 8DPO, and it all hinges on what my temperature is in the morning, I think. I'm almost nervous (nervous-excitement, that is) about taking it, I'm so eager to find out one way or the other what my body is doing! If it drops and I get my period I will have had a 7 day luteal phase, which is not bad for my 3rd cycle at only 6 months postpartum! If it does not drop then we'll see. Even if my chart continues to be a pretty clear pregnancy chart, on any given day it could all suddenly cut off - that's how most of my chemical pregnancies have ended, and later than this too. It's too early to test still, which is somewhat driving me just a tiny bit crazy, but I have already considered testing at 8DPO, even being crazily early for any sort of accurate result. I have expired tests to use up, and who knows if I would just get a temp drop at 9DPO anyway, so it would be exciting to have a triphasic chart or something and test, even if it was negative! :) So I possibly might, without expecting anything at all. Just for the fun of it! And because it might be the last chance before my period shows. But I do wonder about the less "hot" feeling and whether that means my temp has already dropped down. I will be sure to update tomorrow! Right now I am going to bed!
Tuesday, 2 February 2010
More thoughts (6DPO)
Wow, second entry in one day!! Things must be hotting up around here, haha! ;) I think few people are expecting me to write here this early postpartum and I haven't wanted to draw attention to this blog at my main one at this stage, so I know only one or two people are reading these posts right now. But the posts are mostly for me really, to offload all the stuff in my head as I wonder this and get confused about that, and also to serve as a record for me to look back on and be less confused if it happens the same way another cycle! ;)
So I'm at the end of the day at 6DPO. I just wanted to update to write about today's observations. I'm so so tired out today. I feel really washed out and exhausted and should go straight to bed after this. This is a typical symptom for me the day before my period arrives. I'm crampy exactly as yesterday. Mildly for the most part, but then worse in the evening and bad cramps for a time, especially when lying down. So I'm curious about tomorrow's temp to see if it drops and heralds my period's arrival later in the day.
I have had twinges inside my hips on both sides today. Sort of like a flash/pull feeling, and not both sides together at the same time. Just randomly here and there throughout the day. I am STILL horribly windy and the queasiness stayed barely bothersome all morning (maybe even disappeared at times, I was busy with the boys a lot so can't remember! It was very mild though, obviously, since I can't remember, lol!), and then in the afternoon I suddenly became aware of feeling yuckier than before, and looked up at the clock. It was just after 2pm. It got pretty much steadily worse through the afternoon and has affected my appetite this evening. We ate late, not with the boys like we usually do, and by the time it was ready, I just didn't feel like eating. I ate, but still feel yucky. I also have tender breasts today. Don't know whether that is particularly more of an indication of period or pregnancy. I can't remember!! I have had just a few patches of periods between long pregnant patches for 6 years now! ;) It's hard to remember what normal is as far as pre-menstrual-ness goes.
To be honest, I actually completely and utterly feel pregnant. No point in censoring that here! :) I am much more experienced each time with how it feels to be verrry newly pregnant, and all my experience has been back to back to back to back (to back!) over just a few short years, so it's pretty familiar and I am starting to be really accurate in just knowing I am pregnant. The thing I don't know about it whether it will "stick" or not. Not, is actually the most likely scenario, so I am waiting cautiously and not all that optimistically, to see how the days pan out.
I have been pregnant four times and had five chemical pregnancies, so that's 9 pregnant luteal phases! ;) So things are pretty familiar to me at the moment. I have never had a pregnancy without a chemical pregnancy right before it (usually the cycle before it), so that does give me a sinking feeling about this cycle.
I realise I'm only 6DPO though! :) Very early! I do feel confident that I have had clear implantation symptoms at 5DPO together with a temp dip that day followed by the typical rise to a higher temp than the previous ones. Who knows what tomorrow's temp will be - it could still drop right down. But I feel certain that there's a tiny bean attaching itself to me at the moment. Unfortunately five other times that I've felt this, things did not go any further.
Feeling confused this evening when the boys were in bed, I went back to my old Diaryland pregnancy journal, which by the way is where all the archives are. I haven't transferred many over here at all yet, so that's still the place to go if you have curiosities! ;) Anyway, I searched out all the posts from luteal phases where implantation has occurred and started to read them. I'm so glad I am so LONG-winded, hehe! It helps at times like this to look back and read such detail.
I haven't read them all (only a few actually!) but pretty quickly I was reassured that my symptoms so far this luteal phase are pregnancy symptoms. There are too many posts and individual quotes for me to even link here, of exactly (EXACTLY) the same feelings and symptoms, and even thoughts ("Oh that queasiness/poking sensation/twinge is probably just because of this strange awful wind I've been having since I ovulated!" etc!) to this cycle. It's very reassuring, because I have been wondering if I'm going crazy! ;) Two cycles before Benjamin was conceived was a chemical pregnancy (I had two in a row before Benji (and even the cycle before those two was suspicious of another, just a too-short LP) which was a first), and it was almost exactly the same as this luteal phase so far, symptom-wise. I had the same exact CM (the EWCM-but-not-really-EWCM I mentioned this morning), the same queasiness, the same awful bloating and windiness, and so on. I forgot some things, like I only ever chart "bad cramps" during my luteal phase when I am pregnant, in years and years and years (since 2003!) of charting, and I have had to chart bad cramps today and yesterday. The old diary entries were good reminders of things like that! :) My skin is still breaking out somewhat on my face, and I have been saying about how it's unusual for me before a period (I have actually noticed some on my BACK tonight, which I never get!) and lo and behold there it is in my older entries (chemical pregnancy, same stage past ovulation as now) - about having spots on my face which I "never get before a period - they're always on my neck if I have any", and how I was writing exactly the same thing during my LP with Nathan's pregnancy.
I think the reason I have chemical pregnancies is because my luteal phase (and associated hormones) are not adequate to support a pregnancy yet, even though conception and implantation occur normally. The hormones just drop away too soon after to allow the implantation process to complete, I think, and then I get a period. Always a weird one, so I know it was different. Sometimes I get a super-duper faint positive pregnancy test that I don't feel comfortable charting as positive, or a weird test line where something is there but it's not a positive result. That is the only real difference for me during my luteal phase, between the chemical pregnancies and the healthy ones - with my chemical pregnancies I never get a good healthy fat positive line on a pregnancy test. I get faint faint lines and "what's that stripe down the middle of the blank test line?!" lines and so on, but not good solid BFPs (Big Fat Positives). Even when I test as late as 10 or 11DPO (yes I know that's actually early, hehe!). With my healthy pregnancies I get a faint but much more definite line as early as 9DPO, and always by 10 or 11DPO. If I am testing negative or unsure at that stage then it does not look good, despite really really obvious signs left, right and centre. So I will have to wait for a vaguely reasonable time to test, and I'm not even sure if I will get to it if my luteal phase doesn't hold out that long.
I do 100% feel that so far my luteal phase is a normal one, and that I am as pregnant as can be so far, but I think the chances are really high that I will end up with my period anyway. I found some tests in my drawer from when I was testing with Benjamin's pregnancy and they expired in November! So I guess I will use them anyway, I mean they are only 2 or 3 months past their date, and they're THERE, hehe! I think there are 4 or 5 in the pack, so I will not be careful about waiting or anything sensible like that, haha! If I get to 8DPO with a good temp, idiotically early though that is for a positive result even if I AM pregnant with a sticky bean, I will likely start testing on that day. I don't really mind if it's negative, I just feel excited to get to that stage! :) I doubt my LP will last to 8DPO unless perhaps I get to that day but with a dropped temp. We'll see.
Anyway! I think people may well think that I'm mistaking pregnancy symptoms for pre-menstrual ones, and that I've just forgotten what being pre-menstrual is like, and that I'm probably just so eager to be pregnant that I'm convincing myself that I'm having chemical pregnancies instead. But that isn't true :) I know my non-pregnant luteal phases well. My memory is rusty on them right now, but it's instantly refreshed when I read back the detailed diary entries and private notes at my chart. There are certain traits that are only found in pregnant cycles for me (not one or two differences, but a whole swathe of stuff all together, and consistent with my other pregnant cycles, but never with non-pregnant ones) and I think I am a pretty good judge of whether a pregnancy has begun in my own body after all this experience these last few years! ;)
So now I will go to bed and see what my temperature is tomorrow. I am eager to take it, because it's exciting to stand back from this a bit and watch it unfold! If I get my period tomorrow I will have had a 6-day luteal phase this cycle, which is probably about right for me at this stage postpartum - that or 7 days would be what I might expect. My chart looks GOOD so far, temperature-wise, but in my chemical pregnancies my charts have looked very obviously "pregnant" until suddenly it has all fallen away and many of the symptoms have disappeared in the 12 hours before that. Sometimes I haven't noticed that till afterwards, in hindsight.
It's still only 6DPO, but I don't yet need to pee more often, and I did not have my traditional "weirdly soft skin" this morning, but it feels softer to me this evening. Not sure if it's "weirdly soft" yet though. And it's ONLY 6DPO! I have to remember that, it's craaaazy early to be saying all this stuff! ;) I sometimes did not get weirdly soft skin till 10DPO with one or two of my pregnant cycles. Maybe I'll ask Neil in a minute. He's right next to me :) Out of the blue when he got home from work, Neil says he will not be disappointed at all if I'm pregnant, which is nice to hear! He said he will be worried about some aspects, but we need to just PRAY about those and trust God to provide for our family's needs in all ways, and he agreed with that.
We've decided once I am definitely pregnant we will not be telling my parents this time :( I feel so sad about that decision, because my mum is my best friend (like Neil, just longer-term!) and we talk pretty much every other day or more on the phone for a long time. I tell her everything. It will be weird to keep this from her. But I don't want to hear negative things in response to "I'm pregnant!" again. I wish I could tell my Daddy because he's always so happy and excited for us, and never has anything even remotely negative to say when I tell him. Last time, he even "knew" I would be phoning to tell him I was pregnant that very morning and was excited that I did! ;) But I can't tell one parent and not the other. We would wait till later on in the pregnancy - not AGES but a while, like normal people do, haha! ;) I don't know how to answer questions when talking to her about how I am, and how my day has gone, and how school went with the boys, etc, on days when I'm too miserable with morning sickness to say many words together, let alone have managed school with the boys that day! I don't know how to answer those kinds of questions if I have to hide the pregnancy thing. So maybe I'll just end up telling her anyway. It's just so sad to me that I can't think of anyone to phone and enjoy telling when we find out we're expecting again, in my family, because nobody will be happy for us. They do say, "Oh, don't get me wrong, I *am* happy for you..." but you know, that doesn't fix it! We won't tell the boys for a good while either, like last time, till after the first trimester probably.
Now, I know I should NOT look at or think of these things, given that pregnant-or-not, I am likely to get a period, but I realised some "stats" today that I hadn't given thought to before and some of them surprised me!
If I am pregnant, the baby (babies?!?!) would be due on October 20th this year. We'd have a 15 month age gap. Can you imagine if it really WAS twins?!?! How wild that would be, haha! We'd have three under 18 months, four under the age of 3, and six children (SIX!) under the age of 6, given that Arthur's birthday would be nearly 3 weeks after the due date! Hehe! :) Nathan would only be 2 years and 9 months old when he became a big brother for the second time. Amazing!
Okay Benjamin is stirring so I have to go. I will update tomorrow. I feel a bit daft now posting all this crazy rambly daft stuff! ;) Please forgive my natural obsessiveness and allow me the indignity of venting it for all to see at my blog. This is why I am not drawing attention to it where I have readers at my main blog! ;)
So I'm at the end of the day at 6DPO. I just wanted to update to write about today's observations. I'm so so tired out today. I feel really washed out and exhausted and should go straight to bed after this. This is a typical symptom for me the day before my period arrives. I'm crampy exactly as yesterday. Mildly for the most part, but then worse in the evening and bad cramps for a time, especially when lying down. So I'm curious about tomorrow's temp to see if it drops and heralds my period's arrival later in the day.
I have had twinges inside my hips on both sides today. Sort of like a flash/pull feeling, and not both sides together at the same time. Just randomly here and there throughout the day. I am STILL horribly windy and the queasiness stayed barely bothersome all morning (maybe even disappeared at times, I was busy with the boys a lot so can't remember! It was very mild though, obviously, since I can't remember, lol!), and then in the afternoon I suddenly became aware of feeling yuckier than before, and looked up at the clock. It was just after 2pm. It got pretty much steadily worse through the afternoon and has affected my appetite this evening. We ate late, not with the boys like we usually do, and by the time it was ready, I just didn't feel like eating. I ate, but still feel yucky. I also have tender breasts today. Don't know whether that is particularly more of an indication of period or pregnancy. I can't remember!! I have had just a few patches of periods between long pregnant patches for 6 years now! ;) It's hard to remember what normal is as far as pre-menstrual-ness goes.
To be honest, I actually completely and utterly feel pregnant. No point in censoring that here! :) I am much more experienced each time with how it feels to be verrry newly pregnant, and all my experience has been back to back to back to back (to back!) over just a few short years, so it's pretty familiar and I am starting to be really accurate in just knowing I am pregnant. The thing I don't know about it whether it will "stick" or not. Not, is actually the most likely scenario, so I am waiting cautiously and not all that optimistically, to see how the days pan out.
I have been pregnant four times and had five chemical pregnancies, so that's 9 pregnant luteal phases! ;) So things are pretty familiar to me at the moment. I have never had a pregnancy without a chemical pregnancy right before it (usually the cycle before it), so that does give me a sinking feeling about this cycle.
I realise I'm only 6DPO though! :) Very early! I do feel confident that I have had clear implantation symptoms at 5DPO together with a temp dip that day followed by the typical rise to a higher temp than the previous ones. Who knows what tomorrow's temp will be - it could still drop right down. But I feel certain that there's a tiny bean attaching itself to me at the moment. Unfortunately five other times that I've felt this, things did not go any further.
Feeling confused this evening when the boys were in bed, I went back to my old Diaryland pregnancy journal, which by the way is where all the archives are. I haven't transferred many over here at all yet, so that's still the place to go if you have curiosities! ;) Anyway, I searched out all the posts from luteal phases where implantation has occurred and started to read them. I'm so glad I am so LONG-winded, hehe! It helps at times like this to look back and read such detail.
I haven't read them all (only a few actually!) but pretty quickly I was reassured that my symptoms so far this luteal phase are pregnancy symptoms. There are too many posts and individual quotes for me to even link here, of exactly (EXACTLY) the same feelings and symptoms, and even thoughts ("Oh that queasiness/poking sensation/twinge is probably just because of this strange awful wind I've been having since I ovulated!" etc!) to this cycle. It's very reassuring, because I have been wondering if I'm going crazy! ;) Two cycles before Benjamin was conceived was a chemical pregnancy (I had two in a row before Benji (and even the cycle before those two was suspicious of another, just a too-short LP) which was a first), and it was almost exactly the same as this luteal phase so far, symptom-wise. I had the same exact CM (the EWCM-but-not-really-EWCM I mentioned this morning), the same queasiness, the same awful bloating and windiness, and so on. I forgot some things, like I only ever chart "bad cramps" during my luteal phase when I am pregnant, in years and years and years (since 2003!) of charting, and I have had to chart bad cramps today and yesterday. The old diary entries were good reminders of things like that! :) My skin is still breaking out somewhat on my face, and I have been saying about how it's unusual for me before a period (I have actually noticed some on my BACK tonight, which I never get!) and lo and behold there it is in my older entries (chemical pregnancy, same stage past ovulation as now) - about having spots on my face which I "never get before a period - they're always on my neck if I have any", and how I was writing exactly the same thing during my LP with Nathan's pregnancy.
I think the reason I have chemical pregnancies is because my luteal phase (and associated hormones) are not adequate to support a pregnancy yet, even though conception and implantation occur normally. The hormones just drop away too soon after to allow the implantation process to complete, I think, and then I get a period. Always a weird one, so I know it was different. Sometimes I get a super-duper faint positive pregnancy test that I don't feel comfortable charting as positive, or a weird test line where something is there but it's not a positive result. That is the only real difference for me during my luteal phase, between the chemical pregnancies and the healthy ones - with my chemical pregnancies I never get a good healthy fat positive line on a pregnancy test. I get faint faint lines and "what's that stripe down the middle of the blank test line?!" lines and so on, but not good solid BFPs (Big Fat Positives). Even when I test as late as 10 or 11DPO (yes I know that's actually early, hehe!). With my healthy pregnancies I get a faint but much more definite line as early as 9DPO, and always by 10 or 11DPO. If I am testing negative or unsure at that stage then it does not look good, despite really really obvious signs left, right and centre. So I will have to wait for a vaguely reasonable time to test, and I'm not even sure if I will get to it if my luteal phase doesn't hold out that long.
I do 100% feel that so far my luteal phase is a normal one, and that I am as pregnant as can be so far, but I think the chances are really high that I will end up with my period anyway. I found some tests in my drawer from when I was testing with Benjamin's pregnancy and they expired in November! So I guess I will use them anyway, I mean they are only 2 or 3 months past their date, and they're THERE, hehe! I think there are 4 or 5 in the pack, so I will not be careful about waiting or anything sensible like that, haha! If I get to 8DPO with a good temp, idiotically early though that is for a positive result even if I AM pregnant with a sticky bean, I will likely start testing on that day. I don't really mind if it's negative, I just feel excited to get to that stage! :) I doubt my LP will last to 8DPO unless perhaps I get to that day but with a dropped temp. We'll see.
Anyway! I think people may well think that I'm mistaking pregnancy symptoms for pre-menstrual ones, and that I've just forgotten what being pre-menstrual is like, and that I'm probably just so eager to be pregnant that I'm convincing myself that I'm having chemical pregnancies instead. But that isn't true :) I know my non-pregnant luteal phases well. My memory is rusty on them right now, but it's instantly refreshed when I read back the detailed diary entries and private notes at my chart. There are certain traits that are only found in pregnant cycles for me (not one or two differences, but a whole swathe of stuff all together, and consistent with my other pregnant cycles, but never with non-pregnant ones) and I think I am a pretty good judge of whether a pregnancy has begun in my own body after all this experience these last few years! ;)
So now I will go to bed and see what my temperature is tomorrow. I am eager to take it, because it's exciting to stand back from this a bit and watch it unfold! If I get my period tomorrow I will have had a 6-day luteal phase this cycle, which is probably about right for me at this stage postpartum - that or 7 days would be what I might expect. My chart looks GOOD so far, temperature-wise, but in my chemical pregnancies my charts have looked very obviously "pregnant" until suddenly it has all fallen away and many of the symptoms have disappeared in the 12 hours before that. Sometimes I haven't noticed that till afterwards, in hindsight.
It's still only 6DPO, but I don't yet need to pee more often, and I did not have my traditional "weirdly soft skin" this morning, but it feels softer to me this evening. Not sure if it's "weirdly soft" yet though. And it's ONLY 6DPO! I have to remember that, it's craaaazy early to be saying all this stuff! ;) I sometimes did not get weirdly soft skin till 10DPO with one or two of my pregnant cycles. Maybe I'll ask Neil in a minute. He's right next to me :) Out of the blue when he got home from work, Neil says he will not be disappointed at all if I'm pregnant, which is nice to hear! He said he will be worried about some aspects, but we need to just PRAY about those and trust God to provide for our family's needs in all ways, and he agreed with that.
We've decided once I am definitely pregnant we will not be telling my parents this time :( I feel so sad about that decision, because my mum is my best friend (like Neil, just longer-term!) and we talk pretty much every other day or more on the phone for a long time. I tell her everything. It will be weird to keep this from her. But I don't want to hear negative things in response to "I'm pregnant!" again. I wish I could tell my Daddy because he's always so happy and excited for us, and never has anything even remotely negative to say when I tell him. Last time, he even "knew" I would be phoning to tell him I was pregnant that very morning and was excited that I did! ;) But I can't tell one parent and not the other. We would wait till later on in the pregnancy - not AGES but a while, like normal people do, haha! ;) I don't know how to answer questions when talking to her about how I am, and how my day has gone, and how school went with the boys, etc, on days when I'm too miserable with morning sickness to say many words together, let alone have managed school with the boys that day! I don't know how to answer those kinds of questions if I have to hide the pregnancy thing. So maybe I'll just end up telling her anyway. It's just so sad to me that I can't think of anyone to phone and enjoy telling when we find out we're expecting again, in my family, because nobody will be happy for us. They do say, "Oh, don't get me wrong, I *am* happy for you..." but you know, that doesn't fix it! We won't tell the boys for a good while either, like last time, till after the first trimester probably.
Now, I know I should NOT look at or think of these things, given that pregnant-or-not, I am likely to get a period, but I realised some "stats" today that I hadn't given thought to before and some of them surprised me!
If I am pregnant, the baby (babies?!?!) would be due on October 20th this year. We'd have a 15 month age gap. Can you imagine if it really WAS twins?!?! How wild that would be, haha! We'd have three under 18 months, four under the age of 3, and six children (SIX!) under the age of 6, given that Arthur's birthday would be nearly 3 weeks after the due date! Hehe! :) Nathan would only be 2 years and 9 months old when he became a big brother for the second time. Amazing!
Okay Benjamin is stirring so I have to go. I will update tomorrow. I feel a bit daft now posting all this crazy rambly daft stuff! ;) Please forgive my natural obsessiveness and allow me the indignity of venting it for all to see at my blog. This is why I am not drawing attention to it where I have readers at my main blog! ;)
Hmmm....
Well, as the title says really! ;)
I need to get some little boys dressed for the day yet and should NOT be online at all, but for that reason I'll try to be super quick. I just switched it on to enter my temperature this morning and then wanted to write about it for a bit. But I'll copy and paste from my waffly notes at my chart, which will make it much quicker for me! ;)
So today I am 6DPO. Six! I wondered if I would even have a luteal phase this long, and who knows, I really could still get my period at any time, I suppose. I have no idea what to expect.
What I didn't expect was the pattern my temps have taken so far, and also the bunch of symptoms I've got! I had a slow climb for the first three days after ovulating, and then a flat temp the next day. Yesterday (5DPO) I had a dip, and also quite bad cramping and just "full discomfort" as though my period was about to start. I was checking my underwear all afternoon and evening! I had more CM than usual too, but was surprised every time that it wasn't my period. I also am sometimes not sure whether to chart it as EWCM or just the usual, but it really isn't EWCM quality so I am charting just normal CM. I wanted to note there has been a slight change though. I thought that the dip in temperature might be the start of them falling back down to start my period, but today I have a temp rise, and it's the highest one so far this cycle! If I didn't have the short luteal phase thing ringing in my head I would be really thinking I am pregnant. The parsnips were right on time (FF says my chances are "good" with that timing, but then again it has said my chances were not even on the scale of useful two of the times I've actually been pregnant, so I won't worry too much about what it says, hehe!), an implantation dip at 5DPO would be pretty consistent for me, and my temps look good so far.
I also have a bunch of symptoms that I have honestly been trying to either downplay or else find a way to deny the possibility that they could be related to pregnancy, because I simply didn't believe that I could really be pregnant, given that I'm only 6 months postpartum and must surely have a luteal phase that's still too short to support a pregnancy. I have felt fairly confident that CONCEPTION took place, but have been trying my best not to think about that, because I felt certain that implantation and further development was impossible due to the short luteal phase.
I have weirdly had some symptoms since ovulating, which is odd for me whether pregnant or not! And waaaay too early to be pregnancy-related anyway. But I'll note them for reference. Feeling very hot (burny cheeks and eyes) inside, but not ill or feverish. Mildly crampy from a few days past ovulation. Abnormally hungry (for me) since ovulating, also tireder than usual from the same time. My skin has been breaking out a little on my face since I ovulated, which is not my norm at all. I am horribly gassy (sorry!) and have been since about a day or so after ovulating. I put it down to food I ate at first, but it's continuing the same. Yesterday afternoon I was busy with the boys and became vaguely aware of feeling queasy. I didn't think a thing of it, until I was chewing my fingernails and it made me feel really yucky - enough to want to stop doing that right now, and then I just froze mid-chew with the sudden realisation that I only get that feeling with morning sickness. Or other hormone-related queasiness, so after thinking about it I rationalised it as maybe queasiness to do with my period about to start or something. I don't get that, but in my teens I used to get really nauseous on the first day of my period, so it's a possibility. Anyway the dragging mild queasiness continued all afternoon and evening, though I was able (and eager!) to eat as normal. This morning when I woke up it was still there, and is still there now too. Hmmm. I'm REALLY hoping it's a side-effect of being so gassy or something, because if I'm pregnant it's not usual for me to get any morning sickness before almost-6 weeks!! Yikes.
I still feel very full and something in my womb today, as the second half of yesterday, but again that could be due to getting my period soon, couldn't it? I had heartburn last night, I think as a knock-on effect of the queasiness and stuff.
Yesterday I charted one-sided pinching pain because I had some on my left hand side in the afternoon. I actually am not sure if it was, um, wind related, but wanted to chart everything just in case it was useful later on. During the evening (late) I also had some duller discomfort in a similar spot, more like a dull poke rather than a pinching pain. It was an inch up and an inch out from my pubic bone on the left side. I had some strange sensations last night while I was lying in bed waiting to fall asleep, and I was not sure what to make of those. Just a sense of fullness or heaviness, and "awareness" (weird but can't explain any better) in the pit of my abdomen, and I tried to rationalise it as bowel-related, but actually the feeling is too familiar to me as uterus-related. I didn't know why it should feel that way though - it was actually a bit of a strange feeling, like full and uncomfortable but also actually tingly in a weird way. Today's temp now makes me wonder. I had so expected a lower temp this morning!
I started to feel very crampy early in the evening when I breastfed Benjamin. Not as bad as if I HAD my period, but enough to make me think it had started. It was through to my back too, and more bothersome on my left side than my right. The bad cramps have eased off to just fairly continuous mild cramps since though.
So I could still get my period tomorrow, after a temp drop in the morning, and that would give me a 6 day luteal phase, which would be quite expected at this stage postpartum. But we'll see. Must go now, but will check in again soon!
I need to get some little boys dressed for the day yet and should NOT be online at all, but for that reason I'll try to be super quick. I just switched it on to enter my temperature this morning and then wanted to write about it for a bit. But I'll copy and paste from my waffly notes at my chart, which will make it much quicker for me! ;)
So today I am 6DPO. Six! I wondered if I would even have a luteal phase this long, and who knows, I really could still get my period at any time, I suppose. I have no idea what to expect.
What I didn't expect was the pattern my temps have taken so far, and also the bunch of symptoms I've got! I had a slow climb for the first three days after ovulating, and then a flat temp the next day. Yesterday (5DPO) I had a dip, and also quite bad cramping and just "full discomfort" as though my period was about to start. I was checking my underwear all afternoon and evening! I had more CM than usual too, but was surprised every time that it wasn't my period. I also am sometimes not sure whether to chart it as EWCM or just the usual, but it really isn't EWCM quality so I am charting just normal CM. I wanted to note there has been a slight change though. I thought that the dip in temperature might be the start of them falling back down to start my period, but today I have a temp rise, and it's the highest one so far this cycle! If I didn't have the short luteal phase thing ringing in my head I would be really thinking I am pregnant. The parsnips were right on time (FF says my chances are "good" with that timing, but then again it has said my chances were not even on the scale of useful two of the times I've actually been pregnant, so I won't worry too much about what it says, hehe!), an implantation dip at 5DPO would be pretty consistent for me, and my temps look good so far.
I also have a bunch of symptoms that I have honestly been trying to either downplay or else find a way to deny the possibility that they could be related to pregnancy, because I simply didn't believe that I could really be pregnant, given that I'm only 6 months postpartum and must surely have a luteal phase that's still too short to support a pregnancy. I have felt fairly confident that CONCEPTION took place, but have been trying my best not to think about that, because I felt certain that implantation and further development was impossible due to the short luteal phase.
I have weirdly had some symptoms since ovulating, which is odd for me whether pregnant or not! And waaaay too early to be pregnancy-related anyway. But I'll note them for reference. Feeling very hot (burny cheeks and eyes) inside, but not ill or feverish. Mildly crampy from a few days past ovulation. Abnormally hungry (for me) since ovulating, also tireder than usual from the same time. My skin has been breaking out a little on my face since I ovulated, which is not my norm at all. I am horribly gassy (sorry!) and have been since about a day or so after ovulating. I put it down to food I ate at first, but it's continuing the same. Yesterday afternoon I was busy with the boys and became vaguely aware of feeling queasy. I didn't think a thing of it, until I was chewing my fingernails and it made me feel really yucky - enough to want to stop doing that right now, and then I just froze mid-chew with the sudden realisation that I only get that feeling with morning sickness. Or other hormone-related queasiness, so after thinking about it I rationalised it as maybe queasiness to do with my period about to start or something. I don't get that, but in my teens I used to get really nauseous on the first day of my period, so it's a possibility. Anyway the dragging mild queasiness continued all afternoon and evening, though I was able (and eager!) to eat as normal. This morning when I woke up it was still there, and is still there now too. Hmmm. I'm REALLY hoping it's a side-effect of being so gassy or something, because if I'm pregnant it's not usual for me to get any morning sickness before almost-6 weeks!! Yikes.
I still feel very full and something in my womb today, as the second half of yesterday, but again that could be due to getting my period soon, couldn't it? I had heartburn last night, I think as a knock-on effect of the queasiness and stuff.
Yesterday I charted one-sided pinching pain because I had some on my left hand side in the afternoon. I actually am not sure if it was, um, wind related, but wanted to chart everything just in case it was useful later on. During the evening (late) I also had some duller discomfort in a similar spot, more like a dull poke rather than a pinching pain. It was an inch up and an inch out from my pubic bone on the left side. I had some strange sensations last night while I was lying in bed waiting to fall asleep, and I was not sure what to make of those. Just a sense of fullness or heaviness, and "awareness" (weird but can't explain any better) in the pit of my abdomen, and I tried to rationalise it as bowel-related, but actually the feeling is too familiar to me as uterus-related. I didn't know why it should feel that way though - it was actually a bit of a strange feeling, like full and uncomfortable but also actually tingly in a weird way. Today's temp now makes me wonder. I had so expected a lower temp this morning!
I started to feel very crampy early in the evening when I breastfed Benjamin. Not as bad as if I HAD my period, but enough to make me think it had started. It was through to my back too, and more bothersome on my left side than my right. The bad cramps have eased off to just fairly continuous mild cramps since though.
So I could still get my period tomorrow, after a temp drop in the morning, and that would give me a 6 day luteal phase, which would be quite expected at this stage postpartum. But we'll see. Must go now, but will check in again soon!
Saturday, 30 January 2010
More cycle ramblings!
Okay, I have been temping and charting, and I do appear to have ovulated! I wasn't sure at first as my temps rose gradually rather than one big spike the day after ovulation, but I got my coverline today and I am 3 days past ovulation. The parsnips was the night before I ovulated! If my luteal phase is anywhere near 10 days then I think we might have a very good chance of actually (pause to breathe!) being pregnant this cycle! Two things though - my LP is actually very UNlikely to be near 10 days yet, but I honestly have no idea (frustrating!) as I haven't been charting! I wish I had been now! Last cycle, the one that was really long, my last patch of EWCM indicates that if I DID ovulate (I may not have in the end), I could have had an 8-day luteal phase. That's one of the reasons why I am not convinced I really did ovulate, because 8 days seems longer than I would expect for my 2nd/3rd cycle postpartum. I'm usually 4 days for a couple of cycles and then maybe 6 at best on the 3rd. But then, who knows! Things are rather different already this time, compared with the other three times!
The other thing is that I typically have a chemical pregnancy before a normal one, so I am a bit apprehensive about that. I should not not not be thinking of a little bundle of cells dividing rapidly as it rolls along! But sometimes I confess I wonder... Anyway, we'll see. I just wanted to update that I have ovulated and now it depends on my LP as to whether I could have a chance of being pregnant again or not.
Other weird things of note (weird because it's WAY too early, and when they started I didn't even think I had ovulated yet) are that I am abnormally hungry all the time, today, yesterday and the day before. So literally since the day after I ovulated really. I wonder if Benjamin is having a growth spurt, although he isn't feeding more than usual at the moment. My tummy is scrunching with hunger a good hour before all my meals, and when I do eat my meals they feel like starters in my tummy and I feel like I could eat a whole 'nother meal!
Last night and the night before I have woken in the morning from crazy vivid dreams, which I know are hormone-related. Usually they are pregnancy related (later on than this, obviously!) but occasionally can be just cycle-related in my LP for me too, so I think it's that my hormones have changed after ovulating. I have some spots on my face too, which for me is hormone-related. When my period is about to arrive (in a couple of days) I get them on my neck, but I don't have any of those, just these ones on my face. So I know they are hormone-related but not my usual. I'm not sure what to make of those this early in my LP.
I am on the lookout for signs that my period is about to start - even this early. If I have a 4-day LP for example, I'll get my period the day after tomorrow, so pre-period signs could well be starting today. These weird signs have been here a few days since I ovulated though, so I think they're just an indication of my hormones changing after ovulation.
I'm fairly excited, though also disbelieving and not REALLY expecting pregnancy as a result. I love the chart-stalking and symptom-spotting stage though, so I'm excited, and it IS a definite possibility with the parsnips. Just have no idea about the LP though. I will update again soon! Maybe my temp will drop soon to indicate that my period will come? I will have to wait and see! I added a link to my chart at the side after requests! ;) Thanks for the comments last entry! I will keep you posted!
The other thing is that I typically have a chemical pregnancy before a normal one, so I am a bit apprehensive about that. I should not not not be thinking of a little bundle of cells dividing rapidly as it rolls along! But sometimes I confess I wonder... Anyway, we'll see. I just wanted to update that I have ovulated and now it depends on my LP as to whether I could have a chance of being pregnant again or not.
Other weird things of note (weird because it's WAY too early, and when they started I didn't even think I had ovulated yet) are that I am abnormally hungry all the time, today, yesterday and the day before. So literally since the day after I ovulated really. I wonder if Benjamin is having a growth spurt, although he isn't feeding more than usual at the moment. My tummy is scrunching with hunger a good hour before all my meals, and when I do eat my meals they feel like starters in my tummy and I feel like I could eat a whole 'nother meal!
Last night and the night before I have woken in the morning from crazy vivid dreams, which I know are hormone-related. Usually they are pregnancy related (later on than this, obviously!) but occasionally can be just cycle-related in my LP for me too, so I think it's that my hormones have changed after ovulating. I have some spots on my face too, which for me is hormone-related. When my period is about to arrive (in a couple of days) I get them on my neck, but I don't have any of those, just these ones on my face. So I know they are hormone-related but not my usual. I'm not sure what to make of those this early in my LP.
I am on the lookout for signs that my period is about to start - even this early. If I have a 4-day LP for example, I'll get my period the day after tomorrow, so pre-period signs could well be starting today. These weird signs have been here a few days since I ovulated though, so I think they're just an indication of my hormones changing after ovulation.
I'm fairly excited, though also disbelieving and not REALLY expecting pregnancy as a result. I love the chart-stalking and symptom-spotting stage though, so I'm excited, and it IS a definite possibility with the parsnips. Just have no idea about the LP though. I will update again soon! Maybe my temp will drop soon to indicate that my period will come? I will have to wait and see! I added a link to my chart at the side after requests! ;) Thanks for the comments last entry! I will keep you posted!
Tuesday, 26 January 2010
Temping
Just wanted to note here that I have decided to temp this cycle, but only once I notice the first fertile signs, so that I can see if I ovulate after EWCM. Last cycle was so long and drawn out, and I had various patches of EWCM throughout the cycle, most (or all?!) of which never did end up resulting in ovulation! So I think I would prefer to know one way or the other this cycle. I just like to know what is going on with my body.
So I'm on CD21 today and already day 4 of EWCM! Much more like my norm - well, as normal as it ever gets postpartum for me! It's also much more "definite" than some of the EWCM last cycle. I just mean that it's looking to me like what I usually get in the run-up to ovulation, so perhaps I will?
Sooo with that in mind, I have just started temping again! I find it so much fun, and it's really NOT that exciting, so I have no idea why it just IS for me, lol! But it is :) Maybe it's remnant of "the chase" from previous times hoping or trying for a baby?! I am doing what I did after my other babies - I wake several/many times a night with the baby to feed him, and he ends up staying in bed with me from somewhere or other in the middle of the night, so I don't have to really wake up all that much when he feeds. Around 6am he is more persistantly fidgetty and usually I wake up enough to realise he's not taking the 7th or 8th breast I'm pushing towards him about 10 minutes later! ;) So that's when I temp. Once I know it's the "up for the day" feed, that's when I do it. Even if I was also up at 5am. For me, it doesn't appear to skew my chart, it has always given me a clear biphasic ovulatory pattern even with the night wakings or less than an hour's sleep before temping, etc - all those rules that you're not meant to break! ;) Thankfully it works for me to do it anyway.
So I started temping! And, um, something else...! ;) Now, it LOOKS like we timed that, I know, but we really did not think about babies at all, honestly! It's good to get back to parsnips, and I really think we should have a lot sooner than this! Now, God has made my hormones so that it's precisely when I'm fertile that I will be likely to partake of the aforementioned root vegetables, and we have no intention of even thinking about birth control this time. I mean, I didn't last time (before Benjamin), but Neil did. This time it's not even in our thoughts, which is lovely lovely lovely! :) So, I'm pretty sure that my luteal phase is still very short. I'm only 6 months postpartum, and that is when (all the other times!) I usually get my FIRST postpartum period! This is my third cycle now. I'm not particularly planning to "chart watch" (Oh who am I kidding??!?! You know me! (lots of you do, anyway, lol!)) but I will be interested to see a) when I ovulate this cycle, and b) how long my luteal phase is. I'm looking forward to temping to see for sure too! :)
I can't think of anything else of relevance right now... Oh except my mum said on the phone the other night that if I DO ever get pregnant again, it will of course be an ACCIDENT. Because after 4 babies, a fifth time would HAVE to be an accident. Even though she knows that isn't how we feel! *sigh*
And I am waiting to be an auntie again! :) Bennie (my brother) and Sarah are expecting their second little one around Feb 4th!! Excitement! She was almost 2 weeks past her due date last time, so it may be a while yet, but yay how exciting!!!! I can't wait for newwwws, and gender and name (they're keeping it a surprise!), and newborn snuggles! They came over here last weekend to pick up an infant carseat and my TENS machine and some Moses basket sheets. And my Hugabub (and Shannon's homemade baby sling, by the way - thanks Shannon, it'll be put to good use!!) too! Sarah looks really well. Soooo much smaller than I ever am at the end of pregnancy, but she carries so much more neatly than I do! Thea is their first, and she's 2 and a half now. She is as tall as Matthew (3.5 and very petite!) and talks more clearly than he does too. She seems closer in age to Arthur than Matthew, in many ways, but she's actually in between Matthew and Nathan. She is potty trained too. Arthur amused me after they went, commenting that Thea will be getting a baby brother or sister "at last", haha! I guess for him, it isn't normal to "have to wait" till you're two-and-a-half before you become a big brother or sister! ;) He doesn't know it's the average normal age-gap, hehe!
Okay, must go to bed now. But I wanted to update about the temping and chart-related stuff tonight. I'll post again another time probably!
So I'm on CD21 today and already day 4 of EWCM! Much more like my norm - well, as normal as it ever gets postpartum for me! It's also much more "definite" than some of the EWCM last cycle. I just mean that it's looking to me like what I usually get in the run-up to ovulation, so perhaps I will?
Sooo with that in mind, I have just started temping again! I find it so much fun, and it's really NOT that exciting, so I have no idea why it just IS for me, lol! But it is :) Maybe it's remnant of "the chase" from previous times hoping or trying for a baby?! I am doing what I did after my other babies - I wake several/many times a night with the baby to feed him, and he ends up staying in bed with me from somewhere or other in the middle of the night, so I don't have to really wake up all that much when he feeds. Around 6am he is more persistantly fidgetty and usually I wake up enough to realise he's not taking the 7th or 8th breast I'm pushing towards him about 10 minutes later! ;) So that's when I temp. Once I know it's the "up for the day" feed, that's when I do it. Even if I was also up at 5am. For me, it doesn't appear to skew my chart, it has always given me a clear biphasic ovulatory pattern even with the night wakings or less than an hour's sleep before temping, etc - all those rules that you're not meant to break! ;) Thankfully it works for me to do it anyway.
So I started temping! And, um, something else...! ;) Now, it LOOKS like we timed that, I know, but we really did not think about babies at all, honestly! It's good to get back to parsnips, and I really think we should have a lot sooner than this! Now, God has made my hormones so that it's precisely when I'm fertile that I will be likely to partake of the aforementioned root vegetables, and we have no intention of even thinking about birth control this time. I mean, I didn't last time (before Benjamin), but Neil did. This time it's not even in our thoughts, which is lovely lovely lovely! :) So, I'm pretty sure that my luteal phase is still very short. I'm only 6 months postpartum, and that is when (all the other times!) I usually get my FIRST postpartum period! This is my third cycle now. I'm not particularly planning to "chart watch" (Oh who am I kidding??!?! You know me! (lots of you do, anyway, lol!)) but I will be interested to see a) when I ovulate this cycle, and b) how long my luteal phase is. I'm looking forward to temping to see for sure too! :)
I can't think of anything else of relevance right now... Oh except my mum said on the phone the other night that if I DO ever get pregnant again, it will of course be an ACCIDENT. Because after 4 babies, a fifth time would HAVE to be an accident. Even though she knows that isn't how we feel! *sigh*
And I am waiting to be an auntie again! :) Bennie (my brother) and Sarah are expecting their second little one around Feb 4th!! Excitement! She was almost 2 weeks past her due date last time, so it may be a while yet, but yay how exciting!!!! I can't wait for newwwws, and gender and name (they're keeping it a surprise!), and newborn snuggles! They came over here last weekend to pick up an infant carseat and my TENS machine and some Moses basket sheets. And my Hugabub (and Shannon's homemade baby sling, by the way - thanks Shannon, it'll be put to good use!!) too! Sarah looks really well. Soooo much smaller than I ever am at the end of pregnancy, but she carries so much more neatly than I do! Thea is their first, and she's 2 and a half now. She is as tall as Matthew (3.5 and very petite!) and talks more clearly than he does too. She seems closer in age to Arthur than Matthew, in many ways, but she's actually in between Matthew and Nathan. She is potty trained too. Arthur amused me after they went, commenting that Thea will be getting a baby brother or sister "at last", haha! I guess for him, it isn't normal to "have to wait" till you're two-and-a-half before you become a big brother or sister! ;) He doesn't know it's the average normal age-gap, hehe!
Okay, must go to bed now. But I wanted to update about the temping and chart-related stuff tonight. I'll post again another time probably!
Saturday, 23 January 2010
Wacky cycle!
Well my endless cycle finally came to an end! ;) My last cycle was a crazy 63 days long! I have never had a cycle like that before, even after having a baby. I am not sure if I ovulated at all, but I did have EWCM vaguely in a window before getting my period, so I could have ovulated at that time. I think if I did, it would have given me roughly an 8-day luteal phase, so that could be about right for me? Maybe.
Anyway, I am currently already on CD17 of this current cycle, and hoping this one is less wacky and long! By the end of last cycle, I was tempted to start taking my temperature again in the mornings, just so I would have a better understanding of what my cycle was doing as it went along, but I'm not sure if I want to get back to that yet. I guess I could do if I start to get fertile signs, just to see if I do ovulate or not after those signs disappear again. Then at least I'd know if I was waiting for my period to show or just waiting for ovulation still! Now, there's no real point getting too interested in my chart (and I'm talking to myself here) because with Neil's extra hours and stress at work (LOTS of stress, ugh), and me just being tiiiired and busy and tending to wakeful littlies through the evenings, there is still no PP parsnips (still!). Need to fix that, but yeah, no chance of another pregnancy yet in any case! ;)
Lately I have wondered about how fertile my body might be - as in, whether my luteal phase is starting to lengthen, how many more cycles it might be before it is back to normal, etc. And the thought of getting pregnant again RIGHT NOW was unexpectedly scary! It just feels so soon! I mean, it IS so soon, and there's is no chance right now anyway, but still. I'm reassured by the (hopefully accurate?!) memory that I had this same feeling at this stage postpartum after the others, but by 9 months postpartum was not feeling so scared any more. I get nervous about my milk supply, but last pregnancy gave us our shortest age gap (just under 18 months) and Nathan was only just 9 months old when I got pregnant. My milk tends to dry up in the first few months so I was anxious about Nathan getting enough breastmilk so as not to need to supplement before he could start cows' milk at 12 months. I prayed that God would let my milk supply be enough until then, and God is so faithful - it was plentiful, more than usually at that stage of pregnancy until the day of his first birthday! The very next day it seemed to dry up, almost overnight. I was so amazed about that, and so thankful to God! So I guess I would do the same thing, and I should have no fear about it especially with that experience, but I do still worry about the milk supply issue, if I get pregnant more than a couple of months before my baby's first birthday.
Anyway! I am currently blissfully (for the most part, lol!) enjoying my four little children, squeeeezing and snuggling my squidgy little baby boy as often and as long as I can, and cherishing pretty much every moment I can. Nursing Benjamin during the night, waking up next to him in the morning, holding his limp little body against my chest trying to burp him when he's too unconscious to care about having wind! Smoothing sleepy little ones' hair away from their faces at bedtime, kissing soft soft little cheeks, seeing my children sleeping peacefully at night time, some of them snuggling a beloved soft toy.... it just warms me to the very tenderest part of my heart, and I don't focus on desiring to do it all over again and feeling eager for another baby soon. I'm too busy loving my children with everything I have! But I know if I had a moment to stop and think about more babies, underneath the busy love-filled stuff, I know I am eager and longing for more of this bliss! It passes so fast, and I wouldn't wish it away for anything! I told my mum on the phone the other day that I am loving my 30s (I'll be 34 next month) and have looked forward to them from a young age, simply because I knew they would be about raising and having children. I told her that I hoped I would still have little tiny ones around me when I start my 40s, and she did a sort of horrified gasp (*sigh*) but it's TRUE. I hope I do. Only God knows what is best for us, so I will have to wait and see how God will bless us. Right now I am working on loving my children and learning to manage and discipline them better. And school and house stuff, and so on! There's plenty to keep me busy! I don't NEED another baby. But I really do hope God will give me one, when the time is right, according to His wisdom and love!
Anyway, I am currently already on CD17 of this current cycle, and hoping this one is less wacky and long! By the end of last cycle, I was tempted to start taking my temperature again in the mornings, just so I would have a better understanding of what my cycle was doing as it went along, but I'm not sure if I want to get back to that yet. I guess I could do if I start to get fertile signs, just to see if I do ovulate or not after those signs disappear again. Then at least I'd know if I was waiting for my period to show or just waiting for ovulation still! Now, there's no real point getting too interested in my chart (and I'm talking to myself here) because with Neil's extra hours and stress at work (LOTS of stress, ugh), and me just being tiiiired and busy and tending to wakeful littlies through the evenings, there is still no PP parsnips (still!). Need to fix that, but yeah, no chance of another pregnancy yet in any case! ;)
Lately I have wondered about how fertile my body might be - as in, whether my luteal phase is starting to lengthen, how many more cycles it might be before it is back to normal, etc. And the thought of getting pregnant again RIGHT NOW was unexpectedly scary! It just feels so soon! I mean, it IS so soon, and there's is no chance right now anyway, but still. I'm reassured by the (hopefully accurate?!) memory that I had this same feeling at this stage postpartum after the others, but by 9 months postpartum was not feeling so scared any more. I get nervous about my milk supply, but last pregnancy gave us our shortest age gap (just under 18 months) and Nathan was only just 9 months old when I got pregnant. My milk tends to dry up in the first few months so I was anxious about Nathan getting enough breastmilk so as not to need to supplement before he could start cows' milk at 12 months. I prayed that God would let my milk supply be enough until then, and God is so faithful - it was plentiful, more than usually at that stage of pregnancy until the day of his first birthday! The very next day it seemed to dry up, almost overnight. I was so amazed about that, and so thankful to God! So I guess I would do the same thing, and I should have no fear about it especially with that experience, but I do still worry about the milk supply issue, if I get pregnant more than a couple of months before my baby's first birthday.
Anyway! I am currently blissfully (for the most part, lol!) enjoying my four little children, squeeeezing and snuggling my squidgy little baby boy as often and as long as I can, and cherishing pretty much every moment I can. Nursing Benjamin during the night, waking up next to him in the morning, holding his limp little body against my chest trying to burp him when he's too unconscious to care about having wind! Smoothing sleepy little ones' hair away from their faces at bedtime, kissing soft soft little cheeks, seeing my children sleeping peacefully at night time, some of them snuggling a beloved soft toy.... it just warms me to the very tenderest part of my heart, and I don't focus on desiring to do it all over again and feeling eager for another baby soon. I'm too busy loving my children with everything I have! But I know if I had a moment to stop and think about more babies, underneath the busy love-filled stuff, I know I am eager and longing for more of this bliss! It passes so fast, and I wouldn't wish it away for anything! I told my mum on the phone the other day that I am loving my 30s (I'll be 34 next month) and have looked forward to them from a young age, simply because I knew they would be about raising and having children. I told her that I hoped I would still have little tiny ones around me when I start my 40s, and she did a sort of horrified gasp (*sigh*) but it's TRUE. I hope I do. Only God knows what is best for us, so I will have to wait and see how God will bless us. Right now I am working on loving my children and learning to manage and discipline them better. And school and house stuff, and so on! There's plenty to keep me busy! I don't NEED another baby. But I really do hope God will give me one, when the time is right, according to His wisdom and love!
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