Well here I am on my due date - well at the end of it actually, since it's 11.30pm! It's always so surreal to get to The Due Date, because it's the one single date on the calendar in the whoooole year that has so much anticipation and excitement, and it's the best part of a year away when you start focusing on it. Slowly, sloowwwwly it gets nearer, and finally - impossibly - you're there! December the 13th is here, TODAY! Another thing to add to the list of totally surreal things I have going, hehe!
So I am not in labour, or pre-labour, or pre-pre-labour, or anything remotely exciting like that! ;) I am uncomfortable and tired, but on the whole really not too bad considering how I've been for the last couple of weeks and the fact that it's Monday so Neil has been at work all day. On the other hand, it's MONDAY so I am better rested than I will be for the rest of the week, having just had a weekend! I hope Samuel decides to come soon because MUCH as I am currently really really reeeeeally not wanting to go through the process of labour and birth, I know it has to happen soon and I would really like to get it over and done with, and not get too exhausted in the run-up to it ideally!
Today has been slow and probably a bit too boring for the boys, but I am trying my best to take it as easy and simple as possible with the days when Neil isn't home. When Benjamin took his nap (for almost THREE HOURS today!!!!) I set the boys up in the kitchen with a DVD (The Tigger Movie), since that's where our TV is these days. We never ever watch TV. The cable stopped working a few months ago and we never got it fixed - but even so it was only Neil watching TV. I never watched it at all (and did not miss it one bit), and we stopped TV for the boys at the end of February - nearly 10 months ago!! :) They have watched TV approximately 3 times since then, while I have cut their hair at the kitchen table. So when they're allowed to watch a DVD they are excited and very focused on what they're watching for the whole time it's on. It's a real treat for them, and I knew it would be a good thing to pull out in the week of my due date! The movie (and extras) was an hour or two long and the house was soooooooo nice and quiet while Benjamin napped, Disney-ish sounds rose and fell from the kitchen and little-boy laughter rang out regularly. I think it made a big difference to how manageable the whole day felt to me. In that time I put my feet up for a short while and checked email and stuff online, and then sat down in the living room and folded a mountain of laundry in the relative quiet. The boys had already tidied the living room completely with the reward of the DVD to anticipate, so the house just felt NICE to be in, even in the middle of the morning! :)
In the afternoon I had a midwife appointment at home for my 40-week check. I was so happy that the midwife was Mandi, who delivered Benjamin! :) I hadn't seen her since, and it was lovely to see her again. She seemed to enjoy seeing Benjamin and couldn't believe how big he was - she recalled a lot of things about his birth. She was amused to hear that I was expecting another boy! ;) The appointment went fine - my blood pressure was 120/72 or something like that, which is nice and normal, though a little higher than my usual. I'd rather it was though, because the lower blood pressure I've been having has made me feel really exhausted. I wonder if my energy was better today with a little extra oomph in my blood vessels?! ;) I didn't have a urine sample but she had forgotten to bring sample pots so we didn't do a urine test today.
It hurt my pelvis a LOT to lie down flat for her to check Samuel, but it didn't take too long. She said he's low down and asked if I'd felt that he'd dropped. Last night I said to Neil that I wondered if Samuel might have dropped a little, for several reasons. One, I was SURE that when I looked at my profile in the full length mirror, I was SMALLER and neater-looking in the bump department than I had been just a day or so before. All through 39 weeks I kept looking in the mirror and thinking, "I really MUST take another picture for the belly gallery!" because I looked HUGE. Huuuuuuuuge. Just sticking out (waaaaaaay out) huge. I had no room under my bra-line - the bump started right there and just went out sooo far! I regret not having taken a photo (I just kept thinking that I'd be taking one in a few days for 40 weeks anyway), because now I look different. Quite a lot different, I think. Another reason for wondering was that although I still have pelvic pain in the same way, something has been different about it for a day or two - I can't even put my finger on it. I brushed it off as just "getting used to it" or something, but I do think I am in less intense pain even though the same pain is there. I know that doesn't make much sense! I seem to be in less trouble doing the things that caused me the most trouble, like getting up and starting to walk, etc. That still causes me a lot of pain and it's hard to do, but there's definitely something not-quite-so-bad that I can't put my finger on about it suddenly. Anyway, that got me wondering out loud to Neil last night. And the other thing is that yesterday I was chatting to Neil about something and casually folded my arms across the top of my bump, and was surprised to discover that there was quite a lot of room for me to do that without squishing my breasts! I could fold my arms UNDER them and still have them resting on top of the bump. That space was not there before. I was FULL. RIGHT. UP. with baby only a couple of days ago. So I wondered to Neil about it. He said he couldn't really tell, but maybe.
So I was happy to hear that I wasn't going crazy, hehe! Samuel is almost engaged - only 2/5 (or maaayyybe 3/5) of his head was palpable above my pubic bone, according to Mandi. When she measured my bump (which has been spot on for dates all along), I measured 38 weeks! :) Yay, he has definitely dropped! I'm also relieved that it hasn't caused my pelvic pain to worsen, which I presumed it would. I mentioned that his movements have slowed down considerably, and she asked if he was still moving at least 10 times a day. He definitely is, so that's reassuring. He seems to barely move at all compared with how he used to wiggle and kick about in there! I know it's because he just has nooooo room left at all now. He shrugs his shoulders and does slight twisting movements with his whole body. Occasionally I feel a knee or elbow or foot push out slightly, but there really isn't much leverage for him to really extend a limb and make much impact on me. From how I'm feeling his movements, he seems almost completely restricted with lack of space - I'm thinking that's got to feel a bit claustrophobic for him?! But I guess that's where the whole thing with him giving off the hormone that kick-starts labour comes in. Once it's more stressful for him in there he will want out, and I am thinking SURELY he is squished enough to want out now?! I'm sure others of my babies were less restricted than Samuel seems to be at this stage. Maybe he's bigger? :S But Mandi said he feels a "normal" size, and that often a big bump with a 5th pregnancy is more an indication of muscles (or lack thereof, haha!) than a bigger baby. We'll see!
Rebecca reminded me on Facebook about guesses! I forgot to ask - anyone want to guess his birth date, time and weight?! I am guessing December 14th (tomorrow!), just because it's the last day in my 9th-14th window and I'll be dumbstruck if the 14th goes by with no baby! Never happened before! But it's TOMORROW so I'm not sure... Anyway, let's say 8.45pm and 8lbs 9oz. That's my vague guess and I promise I have no inside information - I am clueless about when this little boy will arrive or what he'll be like! I can't wait to meet him! :)
Mandi does not think it will be more than 2 or 3 days before he's born. I think she's basing that on the fact that he's dropped a bit (I know it doesn't mean much though), and things TEND to naturally start within a couple of days of my due date. Arthur's labour started 2 days after (but was long and so he wasn't born till 4 days after). Matthew was a week after, but I truly believe that it was down to a horrible heatwave we had the week he was due. As soon as it cooled off he was born. Heather tells me she's sure it's to do with the heat and me not dealing with heat well, that my body waited longer than it usually might. Nathan obviously came early, but not because my body did it naturally. Benjamin was the day after his due date. So I am thinking soon, but it's weird to just have no signs of labour and still think like that!
I remember with Benjamin, Neil took my 40-week belly picture on my due date, before we went to bed for the night - exactly this time last pregnancy. NOTHING was happening. I slept well, and then woke the next morning with a very very strong sense of calm in my womb - nothing happening. Such a strong feeling it was as I lay there before getting out of bed. I just thought, "Hey ho, never mind." and got up and went to the loo, and was so surprised to see a show! Contractions did not start until lunchtime, but he was born at 7.30pm. I remember how surreal it felt to have him in my arms and remember the night before when I looked at the belly picture - how TOTALLY NOTHING was happening and I would never have imagined I'd be holding him by that same time the next day! :) So it's possible that I could be updating this time tomorrow with Samuel snuggled up to me in the bed (I'm in bed right now)! But we'll just have to see.
I have felt very uncomfortable with low pressure and mild crampiness today. Nothing like Friday though. As the day went on I felt tighter and tighter in the small of my back and under my bump at the front, just sore and uncomfy, and that led to a crampy sort of feel, but that's it really. I've been sitting in bed most of the evening with my laptop and really don't feel crampy much at all, just very heavy and pressurey and uncomfy when I stand upright and walk about. The small of my back hurts but not too bad. I have had the usual Braxton Hicks today, perhaps more this evening than usual but still not out of the ordinary. They feel very tight when I get them, but then they generally do.
Neil took a photo of me this evening to put in the belly gallery for 40 weeks - yay! I'm so glad to have taken a picture on my due date - I always like to make sure I get one on that special day! I am facing the other way this time, but I don't think there's much difference from the 37 week picture, because of how he has dropped. I wish I had a 39 week picture. Boy would you see the difference if I did!
I'm anxious and insecure about the upcoming labour and birth. I am trying to stay on top of it by praying and reading out the Scriptures that Heather has had me put up on my wall again, just like I did with Benjamin before he was born. We finished the baby preparations yesterday (Sunday) and that feels GREAT to have accomplished! My room is now ready for Samuel, and also ready to give birth in if that's where it happens. There's no clutter at all (gasp!), nothing in the way, though it is a very small room. I put a new bedside crib together for Samuel yesterday (FUN project for me!) and put freshly washed sheets on it all ready for him. We haven't used a crib before, but this room is too small for the Amby hammock, and Benjamin still needs the cot, so rather than buy another cot, we went for a crib to last a few months until maybe Benjamin will be ready to move into a toddler bed. We do have a Moses Basket but they never last very long for my babies. I think if I swaddle Samuel (we'll see if that works for this baby - it hasn't for some of my others!) he will last longer in it because he won't be whacking the sides with his arms all the time. It is a simple little pine crib, nothing fancy, it doesn't swing or rock. I just wanted something simple and sturdy, and now it's set up at the foot of my bed. Once he's here, I will put it at the side of my bed but if it was there now, it would probably get in the way of the midwives and Heather being able to get near enough to me if I am labouring in here.
Once the room was cleared at last, and Samuel's crib, my hospital bag, and big box of homebirth/postnatal stuff at the foot of the bed, I felt so much better about the space, but something still left me feeling weird and vulnerable in here. The walls felt too bare or something. I kept a Christian wall calendar that we had in 2004 because each page had a 12x12in photo of some BEAUTIFUL scene of nature with a Bible verse on it. Some of those photos were just breathtaking. I got it out and cut out my six favourites, and put them on the wall next to my bed (partly to cover the six sets of holes/wall plugs from the shelves that used to live there! That looked so ugly before!). In between them I put the printed and laminated prayers and Bible verses that I pray through each day about Samuel, and about my labour and birth to come (based on the ones in the book 'Supernatural Childbirth'). Now the room feel more calming to me now. I still have some anxiety and feel insecure over nothing I can put my finger on, but I guess a big hurdle is coming up for me, and I know it. I am not good with "the unknown", and tend to like to be in control of everything! This is good practice for me, at letting God be in control instead! But it's not easy. I still have no idea what will happen during labour or afterwards, or whether I'll be at home or in hospital. Mandi said that we should consider moving our Christmas tree (which is in the wide corner of the stairs - the only place to fit one in our tiny house, and with the added bonus of being behind a kiddie gate so the boys can't tamper with it!) in case I need to be "stretchered down the stairs" as it might get in the way if that happens. Which threw me straight back into mental hyperventilation and panic about the possibility. It's SO HARD to stay on top of the anxiety over it all, ongoingly! I will be so very relieved to get the birth over and done with, just so that I don't have to wait in anxious anticipation any longer - what's done is done, however it turns out. I so don't want to go through it right now, but it will be wonderful to be on the other side, with the unknown having become known, and my sweet tiny in my arms at last.
Well, I will update again soon - tomorrow hopefully, with the day's news or lack thereof! I have another appointment scheduled for 41 weeks next Monday, but Mandi does not expect me to need it (nor do I). Sadly she isn't working again until Friday night, so I probably won't get her again this time :( I am not keen to "wait" until Friday night to have Samuel! That would be a very long and exhausting week, and I'd arrive at the hard bit utterly spent from the week! :S I hope he comes soon!
Monday, 13 December 2010
Friday, 10 December 2010
39 weeks, 4 days (quick update)
Just a quick update about today - I know I only posted yesterday!!!! Gasp! ;) But I wrote how the idea of going into labour any time soon was totally surreal and I couldn't imagine it. No signs whatsoever.
Today (Friday) Neil has been at work and I've done the usual stuff with the boys (trying to get through the day basically!). Our internet connection was down from 9am to 4.30pm - so infuriating when I wanted to update earlier!!! I hope that doesn't happen repeatedly over the next few days because it could really mess up my plan to keep my online friends posted as things occur! Tsk!
Around 2pm or a bit later, I suddenly noticed I was feeling crampy. I lay down on the sofa on my side just for a few minutes to rest my pelvis as it was hurting, and the boys were (all four!) building the wooden railway track on the floor and running trains around it, WITHOUT fighting for a bit, so it was the perfect time to put my feet up! While I was lying there I became aware of feeling crampy like before a period, which was a very odd sensation because I really haven't had that kind of discomfort since, well, when I last had a period - or probably the early weeks of pregnancy around implantation time or something. So it caught my attention, and I immediately thought, "Ohhhh!", wondering if it could be a pre-labourish thing! It got worse quite quickly lying there, so I sat up again, but it didn't go away at all for the next couple of hours. It was bothersome front and back low down, and was bad enough to distract me a lot. After an hour I started to go to the loo and check for a show now and then because I just felt so crampy and I began to be paranoid that I could feel "something", but there was never any sort of a show at all when I checked.
After an hour of it, I also began to feel rather hot and irritable. My face got very flushed and wouldn't cool off, and I became more and more distracted and unable to deal with sounds and activity around me. I was VERY tired because it's Friday and I'm so not up to dealing with a normal week these days! So perhaps it was just tiredness? Anyway, it does also remind me of early labour, finding it hard to deal with distractions or stimuli of any sort, and the flushed thing too. I wasn't having any contractions of any sort though. The occasional Braxton Hicks behind the crampiness, but nothing else. I phoned Neil at 2.30pm to ask if he was coming home early today (his work is great and usually lets them home at 4pm on a Friday if their work is done! I LOVE this!), and he said he would be leaving at 4pm. I told him I was really crampy, just so he was aware.
By the time he got home at 5.15pm, I was feeling pretty unwell. I just felt hot and just NOT well, and could hardly bear the noise and antics around me with the boys. I also still felt very crampy, and had some sharpish pressure in my groin no matter how I positioned myself. I had started to feel queasy, which was getting worse by then too. I just couldn't concentrate on anything the boys said to me, and wanted to escape to lie down in the quiet upstairs for a bit. I admit I did feel very suspicious by then that I might be starting some sort of pre-labour-ish-ness, but still wasn't actually contracting and hadn't had a show of any sort. I also had that "if only I could poo I would probably feel lots better" feeling, hmmm...
When Neil got in, he made a quick beans on toast for the boys' tea, as I hadn't been able to sort myself out to do anything yet :S I felt yuckier and yuckier as he did that, and when they all went into the kitchen to eat, I went up to bed. I lay on my side feeling yucky and nauseous and crampy, and honestly kind of anxious about the prospect of labour ahead when I was already tired on a Friday evening! :S Neil was great - he got the boys ready for bed, dealt with a zillion discipline issues (they were HARD work this evening, more so than usual even), and then Arthur came upstairs and saw me lying in my bed and looked so worried. He asked what was wrong, and I said I was fine, but I just felt a bit tired and poorly and wanted a bit of a lie down. He seemed worried but I tried to reassure him. Neil started to put the boys to bed but it was not going well with the way they were behaving, and Benjamin was crying, so I got myself up and went in to help in my normal way. I breastfed Benjamin and rocked him and sang to him as usual, and that was reassuring for them I think. Benjamin did hold my face and look into my eyes while I was singing to him, in a way that reminded me ever so much of Arthur when I was breastfeeding him at bedtime while in labour with Matthew. He also clung tightly to my neck in a rather anxious-feeling hug before I put him in his cot, which is unlike him.
ALL the boys have been unusually highly strung today. They've been acting like very VERY over-tired children, which is all I put it down to, and perhaps that's all it is, but now I wonder? Arthur and Matthew have had numerous tearful meltdowns over things like someone putting a single Duplo brick in the wrong place and stuff like that (and then the Duplo misplacer responded by bursting into tears and sobbing due to the "unkind accusation"!!! Goodness!). They've wanted more cuddles than usual, and just seem very sensitive and easily upset by each other. Which does happen, but it's not often, and very very rarely more than one or two children on the same day. Nathan has that kind of behaviour more than anyone else because he IS tired - he doesn't nap any more but really still needs to. So he is prone to tired, over-sensitive meltdowns, but not Arthur and Matthew. I am wondering if there's a little something in the air to do with impending labour or something? I'm sure I've had little ones acting this way in the run-up to labour in the past...
After I put Benjamin in his cot, Arthur started to cry and wanted to talk to me somewhere private, so I took him out of the bedroom. He told me (chin wobbling, bless his sweet little heart!) that he was feeling sad because I was poorly, and I hugged him and told him again that I was absolutely fine - NOT poorly, just very tired and just a little bit queasy, that's all. I told him I was going to use my evening to rest up so that I felt better, and he should not worry about it at all. He seemed reassured and went to bed after that. Once they were all quiet I started to feel less physically overwhelmed and queasy, but I went and lay in bed all the same. While I had been lying in bed before they went to bed earlier (around 6pm), I had become aware of the continous crampiness being a little bit wave-like. It never went away, but sometimes it seemed more intense for a bit. I began to glance at the clock whenever I felt like the crampiness was extra bothersome, and noticed over about 30 minutes that I was glancing at the clock at roughly 5-minute intervals. Hmmm, again! I still wouldn't call them contractions at all though. Anyway, they weren't there when I went back to lay down after the boys were in bed.
Neil decided to get pizza, and at the time I didn't know if I could stomach it, but when he arrived home I found that I had an appetite and ate well. I felt SO much better for eating, and also for going to the toilet. I had some lovely COLD cold water and a COLD apple from the fridge and those never tasted so good in my life before! I felt much much better when I went back to bed to lie down after all that. I still am aware of a mildly crampy feeling like last night, but nothing as bad as this afternoon/early evening. I'm tired and my body is longing for some GOOD sustained rest - how thankful I am that it's FRIDAY and thus the weekend!!! Yay! What wonderful timing!!! I know my lovely husband will let me sleep and rest all I need to over the weekend and that is JUST what I need at this stage. I'm so longing for that lie-in tomorrow morning, and hopefully I will sleep well tonight and labour won't start or anything! I could really use some sleep and rest in preparation for labour. Plus this weekend is just what we need to tie up those loose ends of things that aren't QUITE ready yet. I am slightly dreading the thought of Monday rolling round (and 40 weeks therefore!), and nothing happening still, and having to wave Neil off to work again! Each week is harder than the previous one at this stage of pregnancy, and I seem to recall it gets a WHOLE lot harder from 40 weeks onwards. Forty-one weeks is a whooooole 'nother ballgame but I am truly hoping not to get to that stage this time!
So that is my update for today. No 9th-of-the-month baby this time, nor the 10th. I wonder what the 11th and 12th will hold for us?! Or if he'll wait till 40 weeks plus, from the 13th onwards? If I haven't had a baby by the end of the 14th it will feel very strange! I have a lot of confidence in "my window"! I can't believe how close I am to giving birth, either way. And yes, today it is feeling a LOT less surreal, and a LOT more realistic and imminent! ;)
Thanks so much for the comments, and on my belly gallery too! :) I'll update again very soon!
Today (Friday) Neil has been at work and I've done the usual stuff with the boys (trying to get through the day basically!). Our internet connection was down from 9am to 4.30pm - so infuriating when I wanted to update earlier!!! I hope that doesn't happen repeatedly over the next few days because it could really mess up my plan to keep my online friends posted as things occur! Tsk!
Around 2pm or a bit later, I suddenly noticed I was feeling crampy. I lay down on the sofa on my side just for a few minutes to rest my pelvis as it was hurting, and the boys were (all four!) building the wooden railway track on the floor and running trains around it, WITHOUT fighting for a bit, so it was the perfect time to put my feet up! While I was lying there I became aware of feeling crampy like before a period, which was a very odd sensation because I really haven't had that kind of discomfort since, well, when I last had a period - or probably the early weeks of pregnancy around implantation time or something. So it caught my attention, and I immediately thought, "Ohhhh!", wondering if it could be a pre-labourish thing! It got worse quite quickly lying there, so I sat up again, but it didn't go away at all for the next couple of hours. It was bothersome front and back low down, and was bad enough to distract me a lot. After an hour I started to go to the loo and check for a show now and then because I just felt so crampy and I began to be paranoid that I could feel "something", but there was never any sort of a show at all when I checked.
After an hour of it, I also began to feel rather hot and irritable. My face got very flushed and wouldn't cool off, and I became more and more distracted and unable to deal with sounds and activity around me. I was VERY tired because it's Friday and I'm so not up to dealing with a normal week these days! So perhaps it was just tiredness? Anyway, it does also remind me of early labour, finding it hard to deal with distractions or stimuli of any sort, and the flushed thing too. I wasn't having any contractions of any sort though. The occasional Braxton Hicks behind the crampiness, but nothing else. I phoned Neil at 2.30pm to ask if he was coming home early today (his work is great and usually lets them home at 4pm on a Friday if their work is done! I LOVE this!), and he said he would be leaving at 4pm. I told him I was really crampy, just so he was aware.
By the time he got home at 5.15pm, I was feeling pretty unwell. I just felt hot and just NOT well, and could hardly bear the noise and antics around me with the boys. I also still felt very crampy, and had some sharpish pressure in my groin no matter how I positioned myself. I had started to feel queasy, which was getting worse by then too. I just couldn't concentrate on anything the boys said to me, and wanted to escape to lie down in the quiet upstairs for a bit. I admit I did feel very suspicious by then that I might be starting some sort of pre-labour-ish-ness, but still wasn't actually contracting and hadn't had a show of any sort. I also had that "if only I could poo I would probably feel lots better" feeling, hmmm...
When Neil got in, he made a quick beans on toast for the boys' tea, as I hadn't been able to sort myself out to do anything yet :S I felt yuckier and yuckier as he did that, and when they all went into the kitchen to eat, I went up to bed. I lay on my side feeling yucky and nauseous and crampy, and honestly kind of anxious about the prospect of labour ahead when I was already tired on a Friday evening! :S Neil was great - he got the boys ready for bed, dealt with a zillion discipline issues (they were HARD work this evening, more so than usual even), and then Arthur came upstairs and saw me lying in my bed and looked so worried. He asked what was wrong, and I said I was fine, but I just felt a bit tired and poorly and wanted a bit of a lie down. He seemed worried but I tried to reassure him. Neil started to put the boys to bed but it was not going well with the way they were behaving, and Benjamin was crying, so I got myself up and went in to help in my normal way. I breastfed Benjamin and rocked him and sang to him as usual, and that was reassuring for them I think. Benjamin did hold my face and look into my eyes while I was singing to him, in a way that reminded me ever so much of Arthur when I was breastfeeding him at bedtime while in labour with Matthew. He also clung tightly to my neck in a rather anxious-feeling hug before I put him in his cot, which is unlike him.
ALL the boys have been unusually highly strung today. They've been acting like very VERY over-tired children, which is all I put it down to, and perhaps that's all it is, but now I wonder? Arthur and Matthew have had numerous tearful meltdowns over things like someone putting a single Duplo brick in the wrong place and stuff like that (and then the Duplo misplacer responded by bursting into tears and sobbing due to the "unkind accusation"!!! Goodness!). They've wanted more cuddles than usual, and just seem very sensitive and easily upset by each other. Which does happen, but it's not often, and very very rarely more than one or two children on the same day. Nathan has that kind of behaviour more than anyone else because he IS tired - he doesn't nap any more but really still needs to. So he is prone to tired, over-sensitive meltdowns, but not Arthur and Matthew. I am wondering if there's a little something in the air to do with impending labour or something? I'm sure I've had little ones acting this way in the run-up to labour in the past...
After I put Benjamin in his cot, Arthur started to cry and wanted to talk to me somewhere private, so I took him out of the bedroom. He told me (chin wobbling, bless his sweet little heart!) that he was feeling sad because I was poorly, and I hugged him and told him again that I was absolutely fine - NOT poorly, just very tired and just a little bit queasy, that's all. I told him I was going to use my evening to rest up so that I felt better, and he should not worry about it at all. He seemed reassured and went to bed after that. Once they were all quiet I started to feel less physically overwhelmed and queasy, but I went and lay in bed all the same. While I had been lying in bed before they went to bed earlier (around 6pm), I had become aware of the continous crampiness being a little bit wave-like. It never went away, but sometimes it seemed more intense for a bit. I began to glance at the clock whenever I felt like the crampiness was extra bothersome, and noticed over about 30 minutes that I was glancing at the clock at roughly 5-minute intervals. Hmmm, again! I still wouldn't call them contractions at all though. Anyway, they weren't there when I went back to lay down after the boys were in bed.
Neil decided to get pizza, and at the time I didn't know if I could stomach it, but when he arrived home I found that I had an appetite and ate well. I felt SO much better for eating, and also for going to the toilet. I had some lovely COLD cold water and a COLD apple from the fridge and those never tasted so good in my life before! I felt much much better when I went back to bed to lie down after all that. I still am aware of a mildly crampy feeling like last night, but nothing as bad as this afternoon/early evening. I'm tired and my body is longing for some GOOD sustained rest - how thankful I am that it's FRIDAY and thus the weekend!!! Yay! What wonderful timing!!! I know my lovely husband will let me sleep and rest all I need to over the weekend and that is JUST what I need at this stage. I'm so longing for that lie-in tomorrow morning, and hopefully I will sleep well tonight and labour won't start or anything! I could really use some sleep and rest in preparation for labour. Plus this weekend is just what we need to tie up those loose ends of things that aren't QUITE ready yet. I am slightly dreading the thought of Monday rolling round (and 40 weeks therefore!), and nothing happening still, and having to wave Neil off to work again! Each week is harder than the previous one at this stage of pregnancy, and I seem to recall it gets a WHOLE lot harder from 40 weeks onwards. Forty-one weeks is a whooooole 'nother ballgame but I am truly hoping not to get to that stage this time!
So that is my update for today. No 9th-of-the-month baby this time, nor the 10th. I wonder what the 11th and 12th will hold for us?! Or if he'll wait till 40 weeks plus, from the 13th onwards? If I haven't had a baby by the end of the 14th it will feel very strange! I have a lot of confidence in "my window"! I can't believe how close I am to giving birth, either way. And yes, today it is feeling a LOT less surreal, and a LOT more realistic and imminent! ;)
Thanks so much for the comments, and on my belly gallery too! :) I'll update again very soon!
Thursday, 9 December 2010
39 weeks, 3 days - sooooo nearly there!!!
I just can't believe I am THIS close to the end of my pregnancy! Only four DAYS to go until my due date is finally here! Amazing. Thanks so much again for the various reminders to update - I am always meaning or wanting to, but it gives that added impetus when people comment and ask! :)
I feel so behind! And really really do not want to stay up writing a blog entry tonight, even with how much I want to make a record of my pregnancy while I'm still pregnant! I'm so tired, and barely (or even NOT really) keeping up with just basics through the day with the boys at the moment, with Neil out at work 11-12 hours on the weekdays. This is the 3rd week running where I've done okay on Monday (done a bit of housework and laundry, a LOT of read-alouds and the odd activity with the boys, and meals/nappies, etc on time), slightly less so on Tuesday (no housework, less laundry, and just lots of boy-related stuff), and then Wednesday-Friday I have literally dozed in and out on the living room floor for at least 2 hours during the mornings - I just can NOT keep my eyes open. If I try, they roll around in my head sometimes even when I'm trying to keep them focused! I just can't put into words how TIRED I am, and physically DONE by the end of Tuesday. I feel like I need a weekend every week by Wednesday, since 37 weeks! Of course there's nothing to be done about that, and I can never take naps no matter how tired I get because I have 3 small children who don't take naps or have a quiet time, so it's impossible. This Wednesday though, I felt SO bad because I took Benjamin upstairs for his nap at the usual time (about 10am) and FELL ASLEEP breastfeeding him!!!! I woke up at 11am with Arthur coming in to tell me there was a postman knocking at the door! I couldn't believe it, and I felt so bad because honestly those little boys downstairs are only 6, 4 and 2 and NEED watching! I can be upstairs for 20 minutes settling Benjamin if I need to, but CONSCIOUS is the important thing, so I can hear if anything is up downstairs! :S Also I woke Benjamin getting up and he therefore had a much shorter nap than usual and was tired, so it was just not good all round! *sigh*
So I really want to be going to bed about now. I'm still crunching mint imperials though so I guess I'm good for a while! ;) LOVE mint imperials again this pregnancy - I have crunched through bags and bags of them these last 6 weeks or so. My main cravings over the last few weeks have been chemical in nature (again). LOVING the usual end-of-pregnancy toothpaste thing. Brushing my teeth is sooooooooooooo wonderful, just like it was at the end of Nathan and Benjamin's pregnancies. Mmmm! ;) And that new book smell - always lovely, but now quite mouth-watering! I love musky or even sour "clean" smells, like pine floor cleaner (wonderous!) but my main fix is Radox original herbal bubble bath. I know with at least one of the other boys I wanted to drink the bath water when I ran the boys' baths with Johnson's baby bath. This time it's Radox. Oh my goodness! I uncap the bottle and draw in deeeeep sniffs of it many times a day as I pass the bathroom, or when I'm in there - I feel like a secret addict, hehe! My mouth waters when I think of the stuff and I genuinely would LOVE to drink it diluted. I know that's probably down to some mineral or vitamin deficiency (my iron is really good as of 34 weeks, as it always is when I'm pregnant) but I have no idea what, so I guess I just plod on until the baby is born! I haven't been taking my prenatal vitamin/mineral supplement for a while though, so I started that a few days ago again. I wonder if today I do not feel QUITE so drawn to the Radox as usual, but I'm not sure.
I am sleeping better since Benjamin moved into the boys' bedroom a couple of weeks ago. I do need the fan on low for background noise to help my night go better, because otherwise even with my door shut I still wake up to all his little peeps and stirrings, even down the hall! I'm so tuned into him and also sleeping pretty lightly now. I need to get up to go to the toilet at least twice a night anyway, but since I put a bit of white noise on, I am getting better sleep. Crazy how tired I still am though! Neil is getting WORSE sleep than he's been used to for a while, as I've done the first 16 months of Benjamin's life on my own, while he has covered any of the older boys' wakings (unless they're ill, having a nightmare, or asking for me - then obviously I go in). Benjamin still wakes LOADS at night on average, so Neil is pretty disturbed in there. Thankfully the other boys aren't disturbed by him much. He wakes for the day between 5 and 5.30am at the moment too, which is horrendous! Neil brings him in to me around 5.30 when he can't keep him quiet in his cot any longer in case he wakes the boys, and I breastfeed him and then Neil takes him downstairs while he gets ready for work. I go back to sleep until 7am when Neil needs me to get up so he can finish getting ready and go to work. I'm SO BLESSED that he's so willing and helpful! I don't know how I'd manage otherwise, with all of Benjamin's wakefulness. He has been waking or stirring at least hourly all night for a week or so, which is about the worst it gets. Good nights are one or two wakings, and once since he moved into that bedroom he actually slept through the night (I think that was a first?), so it's just really variable. He did cut a second molar yesterday but who knows whether that was responsible for ALL the trouble.
Anyway! So I am thankful that he's in with the boys and I am relieved of the responsibility of resettling him a million times a night when I'm this pregnant and exhausted! I know it will get a lot more intense for me at night after Samuel arrives than it has been for a very long time, so I am glad of the sleep I can get now. I know a newborn's wakings will keep me up for an hour or so at a time each time he wakes, because of all the nappy changes, blow-out poos before and after the feeds (fun times, lol!) and the long feeds. CAN'T WAIT (not even being sarcastic!) but I know it will be tiring. Oops, there's Benjamin now (11.34pm)...
The main thing about my pregnancy which I pretty much can't see beyond to think about other aspects very much, is the Pelvic Girdle Pain which I added a PS about last entry. It's AWFUL. I have had bad pubic bone pain before, so much that it seemed unbearable at times, when I was pregnant with Arthur, but this is something else. I'm annoyed that I haven't managed to write about it when it's been such a huge issue for me for quite a long time now - not even documented here yet! :( It has been hanging around since quite early on - at least halfway through my pregnancy - but it was mild and on-and-off back then. I just put it down to the aches and pains of pregnancy on a pelvis that had been through it all 5 times in almost as few years! But it has become a lot worse since the 3rd trimester started, and worse again since 30 weeks, and CRAZY worse since about 36 weeks. At 37 weeks Heather said I should self-refer to a physiotherapist but it just seemed like there was so little time left before having Samuel that I might as well just put up with it. Within a week of that, though, it was getting SO much worse, and the thing was how FAST it was worsening. Each day seemed more unbearable than the previous one. Heather told me I needed to rest my pelvis as much as possible - not lift, push or pull anything if at all possible, and never stand when I can sit, and never sit when I can lie down. Ironically, lying down is one of the most painful things, but hey ho!
The pain is on my left side, from the small of my back, circling round my hip, through my buttock on that side, and out through my groin on the inside of my left leg. The pain refers down the inside of my left leg, and lately down the outside of my left calf for some reason too. The midwives have not been that sensitive about it, and just sort of said, "Oh poor you. At least there's not long to go now, hey?!" or just waved it off as "a bit of sciatica" and other unhelpful things! I did my research online and PGP is NOT to be messed with. The most common mis-diagnosis is sciatica. My symptoms are spot on for PGP. There is quite literally NO position that I can possibly arrange myself in that ever relieves the pain, day or night. I am getting used to it to some degree, but getting out of bed in the morning is terrible. I nearly said agony but I don't want to be overly dramatic so I decided not to! But it feels awful. My pubic bone is actually pretty much pain free, even if I prod it to check, which is about the best it's been over the 5 pregnancies at this stage! But I've never had pelvic pain in this other way before.
It's to do with too much Relaxin in my system, and thus my pelvic bones are too loose in the ligaments (which are softening up under the influence of Relaxin in preparation for labour and birth). The excessive looseness has caused inflammation and pain. That's about it really. When I get upright enough to sit on the edge of the bed, I can then stand okay, but I want to cry when I try to lift a leg to take a step. It gets a little better as I get going, but the first 4 or 5 steps hurt so much that I struggle not to cry as I walk them. I shuffle around like an old lady and usually walk with a limp - the shallower the lift of each leg as I walk, the less painful. This has kept me indoors for many weeks now, and I really can't do too much. I feel bad for the boys because since Neil started his new job, they can't go outside AT ALL from Monday to Friday, and that is seriously unhealthy for 4 energetic little boys. I am SO not meeting their needs and I feel terrible about it. Neil's hours out of the house are so long that he can't nip out with them before he goes to work or after he gets home - he leaves as they get up for the day, and arrives home at/after their bedtime, when I already have them in pyjamas with teeth brushed, waiting for Daddy to get home so they can go to bed. When it snowed last week I managed to get them out onto the driveway, and the next day they ran about in the street because the snow was deep enough so that cars weren't driving about, and we live in a quiet cul-de-sac anyway so it was okay that day. We have no use of a garden at all, so they just can't get out if I can't take them out, and it sucks! :( They are doing very well considering. They get long walks both weekend days with Neil. I WISH I could take them out, even just to supervise them from a bench somewhere, but I can't even get them in the car, or push the pushchair.
I have pretty much given up housework this week because the pain is so much worse at the end of the day when I have done something as small as bent over to sweep the kitchen floor, or sort the washing into piles! Crazy! The boys are being helpful - Arthur and Matthew can run the laundry for me pretty well if I ask them to, and have done so a few times. Arthur also loves using the dustpan and brush in the kitchen so he has done that a few times too. Neil is basically having to do stuff when he's home from work, and I'm not feeling happy about that either, but otherwise everything grinds to a halt and we have nothing to eat off nor anywhere clear to sit and eat! I just have to stay off my feet as much as possible and lift nothing. When I take Benjamin to bed, I let him climb the stairs ahead of me, while I follow right behind on hands and knees. When I get him up from his nap I need to lift him out of his cot, but I come downstairs with him on my lap while I go down on my bottom. The thing that is probably taxing my pelvis the most at the moment is endless discipline issues and lifting Benjamin down for the zillionth time from places he keeps climbing to!
The PGP is the only thing I am REALLY REALLY looking forward to being gone asap once I have had my little sweetie pie. I am loving still being pregnant, even with the other more typical complaints at this stage (hugeness getting in the way of everything, heartburn, constipation, broken sleep, tiredness, etc, etc) but those things I really am not wishing away even though they're inconvenient. That's all they are - inconvenient. And the blessing of carrying a new little person around in such a lovely round tummy (LOVE my pregnant bump every time, hehe!) and feeling his movements and wiggles and hiccups - everything else pales into insignificance. It will be over all too soon and I'll miss it before I know it. I can't wait to have Samuel in my arms and see what he looks like, and snuggle a newborn with such a soft soft head, and feel that satisfying sting of milk letting down as I nurse my tiny person, and just get to know him. But I still don't want to rush these last few days with him inside me. Such precious days, and so fleeting. But I do hope the PGP goes away for me, as quickly as possible after the birth, and doesn't hang around for ages continuing to be a problem. Hopefully I won't need to see a physiotherapist afterwards and it will all just get much better quickly. I soooooo hope. I am really tired of being in this much pain all the time now. I'm worried that it will be troublesome during labour/birth but Heather said I should just NOT squat (not that I have any interest in doing so!), and lie down on my left side like I did with Benjamin. My left side is currently the more painful side to lie on, and moving from that side is truly truly awful, if I've been on it any length of time, even just to shift position ever so slightly. The right side is pretty much almost as bad but marginally less so. So I am not crazy about doing that during labour.... Anyway. Hopefully it'll be okay.
What about the birth? I guess I have been back and forth over this for a long long time now! It's too late at night now and the narrative of the decision-making process is too long-winded for me to elaborate on it much here and now, but basically right now I am planning a homebirth. I have my homebirth supplies pretty much ready at the foot of my bed. I have my hospital bag almost completely packed (just needs the odd thing like a hairbrush and a baby blanket - everything else is done, including all the stocks of things like breastpads, newborn nappies, maternity pads, etc, etc! Exciting things to purchase!). I still haven't written a birth plan but I'm so up in the air about what to do and even what to expect, that I just can't seem to get my head around writing one. I SHOULD, and Heather has reminded me to do so, even a brief one, but I haven't yet. Hopefully I'll do one in time, but I should think I won't be able to get "head space" to think of that until the weekend when Neil is home and I get a bit more rest. The days with the boys are pretty intense and my brain seems to be absolute mush at all times - I can't think straight at any point, or make any decisions! Everything in me is all used up from Monday to Friday, waking to falling asleep! Tonight is going pretty well in that I'm able to write this! Some nights I have thought to update here but just felt unable to string sentences together, even in type, lol!
The recommendation (strong) is for me to give birth in hospital, due to a) succenturiate lobe on my placenta and increased risk of haemmorrhage, b) 5th baby and therefore (ALLEGED) increased risk of haemmorrhage (Heather and I can NOT find any research to back this up, and nor can the midwives or consultant that Heather asks quite pointedly, haha!), and c) my GBS test came back positive. Again. At 36 weeks. Woo. Hoo. I'm bummed about it, but I guess I know it was likely, since I have been GBS+ the last two pregnancies (and probably the previous two but I wasn't tested those times). Last time I declined IV antibiotics during labour and had Benjamin at home anyway, and observed him well after his birth for 24 hours, and all was fine. I feel like I did that hurdle last time, so I am less anxious about making that decision this time. I will be careful with watching for increased risk factors though, as last time. If my waters break before labour starts, I will likely just go into hospital and get antibiotics. Last time they didn't break until his head was crowning, just like with Matthew! With Arthur and Nathan, I was in hospital and I had IV antibiotics (Arthur because I developed a fever - good indication of GBS even though we didn't know about that at the time since I wasn't tested). Everyone (midwives, Heather, consultant, etc) seems to expect my labour to be quick and straightforward this time, since it's my 5th baby and last time went like that. I have less confidence than they all seem to, but I guess it's a good possibility, and it's nice to hear them all saying how it will likely go that way! :) So if my waters break, apparently at this stage I should expect labour to kick right in and move quickly anyway. There shouldn't be time for things to drag and for me to start to feel unwell with the kind of signs I had in Arthur's VERY LONG labour. So, especially if my waters break right at the very end, the GBS risk should be extremely low.
As far as the bleeding risks go, I have decided (not all that firmly!) to stay at home. The midwives seem to have no problem booking my homebirth, and everybody knows I may possibly need a transfer to hospital. I SO SO SO hope that will not happen, and that my placenta will plop right out with the lobe attached, and no significant bleeding. We are actively praying for this, and I covet your prayers for the same please! Until last week I had assumed that I would have a managed 3rd stage (syntometrine injection as the baby is born to get the placenta delivered asap) to reduce the risk of bleeding, but then I did a bit more research on it. It does appear to reduce the risk of bleeding, but I'm not too crazy about it all the same. They have to massage your tummy like crazy and apply cord traction, all in the name of getting the thing out FAST so that the cervix doesn't close before they can get it out, thus causing the extra problem of "retained placenta", for which I would have to transfer to hospital and go into theatre to have it removed! I had a horrible time delivering Arthur's placenta (managed 3rd stage which didn't follow on quickly like it should have) where the doctor applied cord traction to the degree that she braced herself against the foot of my bed and used all her strength to pull on the cord hanging out of me!! BOY did that feel wrong, though I understand why, and I find myself wondering why on earth I should agree to having the whole thing messed about with?! My cervix wouldn't naturally close that fast at all if I didn't have that intervention of the injection to deliver the placenta - it's a side-effect of the injection. My uterus has done a great job of popping out the placenta with some good strong contractions since Arthur's birth, within about 20 minutes of the baby being born. I don't see why it wouldn't be very efficient at it again? If at that point I DO have excessive bleeding, the treatment on the spot would be the syntometrine injection ANYWAY, so at that point they can administer it if needed, right? I know if the bleeding is persistant and heavy then it might not work, and that worries me, but I guess I am trying not to dwell so heavily on the negative possibilities. Doing so has been really making me crazy these last few weeks, and I just want to think positive, pray continually, and have a plan in place if it's needed. So at the moment that means planning a homebirth, praying that all will go smoothly, and being prepared for an emergency transfer at the end if it does not. And trusting God to have His hand upon me and keep me safe. I feel better (SO much better!) with this mindset than I have in ages. The only decision I am now left wondering about is whether to decline the managed 3rd stage. Heather says I can, and she will support me in it, but that the midwives will throw up their hands in horror and I should be prepared for that if I choose to decline it! She said I can wait until I'm in labour before I decide, so that is good because it makes me feel less under pressure to decide right now. I am praying about it, and right now I feel that I will decline it and let my body do what I feel quite confident that it's able to do, and be glad of medical help right there if I need it. I am about a 3 minute drive from the hospital so that helps too.
Well as always there is SO much more I could write. I so want to! But it's too late and I have to go to bed. Samuel's movements are really slowing down a lot this week - I did worry about it a couple of times, but he's still moving enough, just less than usual. He is mostly just rolling his shoulders a bit and shuffling his bent-up legs, poor little squished lambie! He has absolutely NO room left in there. At my 38 week midwife appointment everything was fine (blood pressure 110/70, urine + for protein and leukocytes which frankly it often is for me at this stage since I have a ton of CM that seems to contaminate the samples I give them most times, but never grows anything when sent off to the lab) and Samuel was measuring okay for dates (I assume - they didn't say otherwise!), and was still 4/5 palpable, but "nice and low" according to the same midwife who attended my 40-week appt with Benjamin (and came back later the same day once labour was starting!) and declared him "really high still", so that was nice to hear! :) Samuel gets hiccups about 2-4 times a day still at the moment. They feel really BIG and strong now, and I love feeling them! I can't wait to hold him when I lay my hand on my bump and feel his hiccups so very clearly, and imagine him in there hiccuping away!
The boys now know his name - hooray!! :) Arthur was THRILLED and beamed for ages when we told him, so I guess he likes the name! Matthew said he did not like the name because he wanted the baby to be called "Crispy" when he came out, hehe! Arthur chose the name "Cornflake" for Samuel through my pregnancy, and Matthew's choice at the same time was "Crispy", but we let Arthur have the choice this time. Matthew has been very persistant with his choice all the same, referring to the baby as "Crispy" instead of Cornflake, and telling the midwife when I have an appointment that the baby's name is Crispy, hehe! So he seems to be most put out that the baby won't ACTUALLY be called Crispy when he is born! He wouldn't even say Samuel's name for the first few days we were using it with the boys, and then finally he used it for the first time to tell me, "Mummy, after Samuel, when you have the NEXT baby in your tummy, I want it to be Crispy." ;)
Nathan mostly refers to the baby as "your new baby" whenever he talks about him to me, for some reason! He talks about him with affection and excitement, and tells me many times a day what the baby will do when he comes out. Right now he is all about the baby having lots of milky when he comes out. I have been telling him about what new babies do (have milky, wee, poo, cry and sleep) so that he gets a better expectation, because although it'll be his second little brother (that's CRAZY to type out, referring to my teeny little 2-year-old Nathey-noodle!), he really doesn't have any idea of what to expect as he was only 18 months old when Benjamin was born. He kept telling me that the new baby would crawl and stand when he came out, lol! So I have been talking to him about it a lot lately, and he is now coming out with more appropriate things! ;) Benjamin turned 17 months old today and has nooooo idea what's coming, bless his heart! He pats my tummy and says, "baby", and he makes a sort of sad little miaowing sound as he looks at it - the same sound he makes when he plays with the two baby dolls we've got, to pretend they're crying. He is EVER SO sweet with the baby dolls. He spontaneously started playing with them a few weeks ago, and they are one of his favourite things to play with these days. He lifts their legs up and says, "tains" (change, for nappy change), and will wipe them with a hanky! He makes that funny crying sound and says to me, "Cwy" and then holds them against his little torso face-in, and sways about, saying, "Ssss....ssss....sssss." (which is his version of "shhh" - SOOOOOOOOOO adorable!). Nobody showed him this, I think he got it from when Neil settles him in a similar way when he wakes and cries in the evening. He gives cuh-gohs and kisses to the babies, and lately brings them to me and lifts my top up, and posts them rather roughly at my breast so I can nurse them! He calls my milk "gunk" - how flattering, haha! But it's just how he has pronounced it from the first, and it has stuck.
Anyway, the boys are all doing fine in terms of waiting and preparing to meet Samuel. They are so eager, and every day the older two tell me how many days there are left until he is due! They know it could happen any time and are very excited. We have my brother for back-up if we need childcare cover, but he is having job interviews regularly at the moment (he's out of work right now) and also has his own two little ones, so he is only available if he turns out to be when we call him! Also if I need to transfer in an emergency then there won't be time for him to come over. We've decided that if I need to go into hospital I will go with Heather and Neil will stay home with the little ones. I feel sad to think he might not get to see Samuel born, but we both feel happier about this option as far as the boys are concerned, and I won't stress at ALL about being in hospital and leaving the boys behind, which I always do otherwise. And I have Heather. But I hope I will stay at home and we'll both be around for the boys, and he won't miss the birth either! :)
It is currently SO surreal to think that I will actually go into labour any time, ever, let alone soon, that I just can't think straight at all about it really happening. I just have no expectations of it yet. I can't imagine really going into labour, or having actually given birth and being on the other side of it! There's so much going on at home, so much still to do, and it just seems so unlikely that I'll go ahead and add giving birth to the whole shebang, hehe! Christmas preparations are making it seem even less possible, and I'm much more able to think about and focus on stuff to get done for Christmas than the fact that I will be having a baby BEFORE Christmas arrives! So very surreal.
I am wondering about when it WILL happen though. So far - and it doesn't mean it will be this way again, I know - so far, all my babies have been born between the 9th and 14th of the month, no matter when they were due, like I said last entry. I have never gone into labour naturally before my due date (with Nathan he was obviously born way before my due date but I had to be induced when my waters broke), and my due date is the 13th. So based on that, I still wonder if I will have a baby on the 13th or 14th (14th sticking in my head as the most likely, as I was that exact gestation when Benjamin was born too). If I do, then I think a pattern is emerging! ;) Arthur on the 9th, Matthew on the 14th, Nathan on the 12th. Benjamin starts it off again by being born on the 9th, and then if Samuel comes on the 14th, that leaves us another son to be born on the 12th of some month at some point! ;) I always say now that "my window" is the 9th to the 14th of the month, so I feel like I could give birth anywhere in that window. I told everyone that with confidence last time, and Benjamin WAS born on the 9th. I just knew he wouldn't come earlier than my window! :) So today is the 9th - my window has begun! :) I am still not really expecting him before the weekend, or even until the weekend is over, because my due date isn't until Monday. My scans all put me due on the 11th (Saturday) but my chart disagrees, and I'm pretty sure about it, so I am sticking with the 13th.
Okay, I MUST go to bed! So glad to have updated to actually record some important stuff before the whirlwind blur of labour posts and postnatal ramblings when pregnancy suddenly seems a long way in the past and less relevant to catch up posting about! Oh, and I have updated my belly gallery. I still feel bad that I haven't kept up with Samuel's belly pictures like I have all the other boys, but I'm accepting the fact that I just HAVEN'T, now. Neil and I are just not getting the same kind of time together that we used to, and he always used to take the belly pictures. I discovered I can set the camera with a timer to take my own picture, so that's what I've done for the last few. Still not as many as I usually take, and they're more spaced out, but oh well. Also one of them is really out of focus, hehe! But never mind! So my last one that I posted in the gallery was 28 weeks. I have now put one up for 33 weeks (or it might have been taken the day before I turned 33 weeks, I think), and 37 weeks and 5 days. I fully intend to take one this week/weekend, in case I have a baby before I get to take my "due date" photo, or forget to or something. Then I'll have a record of the very END of my pregnancy with a photo. I feel HUGE. My maternity trousers and jeans do not fit, and haven't fit over my bump since 37 weeks. I just can't wear them! I do have one very comfy pair of maternity PJs which I live in, hehe! And I have the soft stretchy brown trousers that at least don't HURT to wear, but which slide under my bump continually and fall down - I'm constantly hoisting them over my non-existant hips, but like I say, at least they're comfy and less embarrassing to open the door in than pyjamas! I'll pretty much be wearing one of those two things in any more belly pics I take - and I am wearing them in the 37 week picture (they've slid under my bump already!).
I'll try to update again soon. I have had no signs of labour impending so far, though tonight I am mildly crampy in a vaguely periody way for the first time. Right now I can't feel any crampiness, I just noticed a bit of it earlier in the evening when I was resting on the bed. Nothing else to report yet though! I'll keep the blog posted as soon as "things" really start to happen, unless there's urgency to the situation and I don't get time.
I feel so behind! And really really do not want to stay up writing a blog entry tonight, even with how much I want to make a record of my pregnancy while I'm still pregnant! I'm so tired, and barely (or even NOT really) keeping up with just basics through the day with the boys at the moment, with Neil out at work 11-12 hours on the weekdays. This is the 3rd week running where I've done okay on Monday (done a bit of housework and laundry, a LOT of read-alouds and the odd activity with the boys, and meals/nappies, etc on time), slightly less so on Tuesday (no housework, less laundry, and just lots of boy-related stuff), and then Wednesday-Friday I have literally dozed in and out on the living room floor for at least 2 hours during the mornings - I just can NOT keep my eyes open. If I try, they roll around in my head sometimes even when I'm trying to keep them focused! I just can't put into words how TIRED I am, and physically DONE by the end of Tuesday. I feel like I need a weekend every week by Wednesday, since 37 weeks! Of course there's nothing to be done about that, and I can never take naps no matter how tired I get because I have 3 small children who don't take naps or have a quiet time, so it's impossible. This Wednesday though, I felt SO bad because I took Benjamin upstairs for his nap at the usual time (about 10am) and FELL ASLEEP breastfeeding him!!!! I woke up at 11am with Arthur coming in to tell me there was a postman knocking at the door! I couldn't believe it, and I felt so bad because honestly those little boys downstairs are only 6, 4 and 2 and NEED watching! I can be upstairs for 20 minutes settling Benjamin if I need to, but CONSCIOUS is the important thing, so I can hear if anything is up downstairs! :S Also I woke Benjamin getting up and he therefore had a much shorter nap than usual and was tired, so it was just not good all round! *sigh*
So I really want to be going to bed about now. I'm still crunching mint imperials though so I guess I'm good for a while! ;) LOVE mint imperials again this pregnancy - I have crunched through bags and bags of them these last 6 weeks or so. My main cravings over the last few weeks have been chemical in nature (again). LOVING the usual end-of-pregnancy toothpaste thing. Brushing my teeth is sooooooooooooo wonderful, just like it was at the end of Nathan and Benjamin's pregnancies. Mmmm! ;) And that new book smell - always lovely, but now quite mouth-watering! I love musky or even sour "clean" smells, like pine floor cleaner (wonderous!) but my main fix is Radox original herbal bubble bath. I know with at least one of the other boys I wanted to drink the bath water when I ran the boys' baths with Johnson's baby bath. This time it's Radox. Oh my goodness! I uncap the bottle and draw in deeeeep sniffs of it many times a day as I pass the bathroom, or when I'm in there - I feel like a secret addict, hehe! My mouth waters when I think of the stuff and I genuinely would LOVE to drink it diluted. I know that's probably down to some mineral or vitamin deficiency (my iron is really good as of 34 weeks, as it always is when I'm pregnant) but I have no idea what, so I guess I just plod on until the baby is born! I haven't been taking my prenatal vitamin/mineral supplement for a while though, so I started that a few days ago again. I wonder if today I do not feel QUITE so drawn to the Radox as usual, but I'm not sure.
I am sleeping better since Benjamin moved into the boys' bedroom a couple of weeks ago. I do need the fan on low for background noise to help my night go better, because otherwise even with my door shut I still wake up to all his little peeps and stirrings, even down the hall! I'm so tuned into him and also sleeping pretty lightly now. I need to get up to go to the toilet at least twice a night anyway, but since I put a bit of white noise on, I am getting better sleep. Crazy how tired I still am though! Neil is getting WORSE sleep than he's been used to for a while, as I've done the first 16 months of Benjamin's life on my own, while he has covered any of the older boys' wakings (unless they're ill, having a nightmare, or asking for me - then obviously I go in). Benjamin still wakes LOADS at night on average, so Neil is pretty disturbed in there. Thankfully the other boys aren't disturbed by him much. He wakes for the day between 5 and 5.30am at the moment too, which is horrendous! Neil brings him in to me around 5.30 when he can't keep him quiet in his cot any longer in case he wakes the boys, and I breastfeed him and then Neil takes him downstairs while he gets ready for work. I go back to sleep until 7am when Neil needs me to get up so he can finish getting ready and go to work. I'm SO BLESSED that he's so willing and helpful! I don't know how I'd manage otherwise, with all of Benjamin's wakefulness. He has been waking or stirring at least hourly all night for a week or so, which is about the worst it gets. Good nights are one or two wakings, and once since he moved into that bedroom he actually slept through the night (I think that was a first?), so it's just really variable. He did cut a second molar yesterday but who knows whether that was responsible for ALL the trouble.
Anyway! So I am thankful that he's in with the boys and I am relieved of the responsibility of resettling him a million times a night when I'm this pregnant and exhausted! I know it will get a lot more intense for me at night after Samuel arrives than it has been for a very long time, so I am glad of the sleep I can get now. I know a newborn's wakings will keep me up for an hour or so at a time each time he wakes, because of all the nappy changes, blow-out poos before and after the feeds (fun times, lol!) and the long feeds. CAN'T WAIT (not even being sarcastic!) but I know it will be tiring. Oops, there's Benjamin now (11.34pm)...
The main thing about my pregnancy which I pretty much can't see beyond to think about other aspects very much, is the Pelvic Girdle Pain which I added a PS about last entry. It's AWFUL. I have had bad pubic bone pain before, so much that it seemed unbearable at times, when I was pregnant with Arthur, but this is something else. I'm annoyed that I haven't managed to write about it when it's been such a huge issue for me for quite a long time now - not even documented here yet! :( It has been hanging around since quite early on - at least halfway through my pregnancy - but it was mild and on-and-off back then. I just put it down to the aches and pains of pregnancy on a pelvis that had been through it all 5 times in almost as few years! But it has become a lot worse since the 3rd trimester started, and worse again since 30 weeks, and CRAZY worse since about 36 weeks. At 37 weeks Heather said I should self-refer to a physiotherapist but it just seemed like there was so little time left before having Samuel that I might as well just put up with it. Within a week of that, though, it was getting SO much worse, and the thing was how FAST it was worsening. Each day seemed more unbearable than the previous one. Heather told me I needed to rest my pelvis as much as possible - not lift, push or pull anything if at all possible, and never stand when I can sit, and never sit when I can lie down. Ironically, lying down is one of the most painful things, but hey ho!
The pain is on my left side, from the small of my back, circling round my hip, through my buttock on that side, and out through my groin on the inside of my left leg. The pain refers down the inside of my left leg, and lately down the outside of my left calf for some reason too. The midwives have not been that sensitive about it, and just sort of said, "Oh poor you. At least there's not long to go now, hey?!" or just waved it off as "a bit of sciatica" and other unhelpful things! I did my research online and PGP is NOT to be messed with. The most common mis-diagnosis is sciatica. My symptoms are spot on for PGP. There is quite literally NO position that I can possibly arrange myself in that ever relieves the pain, day or night. I am getting used to it to some degree, but getting out of bed in the morning is terrible. I nearly said agony but I don't want to be overly dramatic so I decided not to! But it feels awful. My pubic bone is actually pretty much pain free, even if I prod it to check, which is about the best it's been over the 5 pregnancies at this stage! But I've never had pelvic pain in this other way before.
It's to do with too much Relaxin in my system, and thus my pelvic bones are too loose in the ligaments (which are softening up under the influence of Relaxin in preparation for labour and birth). The excessive looseness has caused inflammation and pain. That's about it really. When I get upright enough to sit on the edge of the bed, I can then stand okay, but I want to cry when I try to lift a leg to take a step. It gets a little better as I get going, but the first 4 or 5 steps hurt so much that I struggle not to cry as I walk them. I shuffle around like an old lady and usually walk with a limp - the shallower the lift of each leg as I walk, the less painful. This has kept me indoors for many weeks now, and I really can't do too much. I feel bad for the boys because since Neil started his new job, they can't go outside AT ALL from Monday to Friday, and that is seriously unhealthy for 4 energetic little boys. I am SO not meeting their needs and I feel terrible about it. Neil's hours out of the house are so long that he can't nip out with them before he goes to work or after he gets home - he leaves as they get up for the day, and arrives home at/after their bedtime, when I already have them in pyjamas with teeth brushed, waiting for Daddy to get home so they can go to bed. When it snowed last week I managed to get them out onto the driveway, and the next day they ran about in the street because the snow was deep enough so that cars weren't driving about, and we live in a quiet cul-de-sac anyway so it was okay that day. We have no use of a garden at all, so they just can't get out if I can't take them out, and it sucks! :( They are doing very well considering. They get long walks both weekend days with Neil. I WISH I could take them out, even just to supervise them from a bench somewhere, but I can't even get them in the car, or push the pushchair.
I have pretty much given up housework this week because the pain is so much worse at the end of the day when I have done something as small as bent over to sweep the kitchen floor, or sort the washing into piles! Crazy! The boys are being helpful - Arthur and Matthew can run the laundry for me pretty well if I ask them to, and have done so a few times. Arthur also loves using the dustpan and brush in the kitchen so he has done that a few times too. Neil is basically having to do stuff when he's home from work, and I'm not feeling happy about that either, but otherwise everything grinds to a halt and we have nothing to eat off nor anywhere clear to sit and eat! I just have to stay off my feet as much as possible and lift nothing. When I take Benjamin to bed, I let him climb the stairs ahead of me, while I follow right behind on hands and knees. When I get him up from his nap I need to lift him out of his cot, but I come downstairs with him on my lap while I go down on my bottom. The thing that is probably taxing my pelvis the most at the moment is endless discipline issues and lifting Benjamin down for the zillionth time from places he keeps climbing to!
The PGP is the only thing I am REALLY REALLY looking forward to being gone asap once I have had my little sweetie pie. I am loving still being pregnant, even with the other more typical complaints at this stage (hugeness getting in the way of everything, heartburn, constipation, broken sleep, tiredness, etc, etc) but those things I really am not wishing away even though they're inconvenient. That's all they are - inconvenient. And the blessing of carrying a new little person around in such a lovely round tummy (LOVE my pregnant bump every time, hehe!) and feeling his movements and wiggles and hiccups - everything else pales into insignificance. It will be over all too soon and I'll miss it before I know it. I can't wait to have Samuel in my arms and see what he looks like, and snuggle a newborn with such a soft soft head, and feel that satisfying sting of milk letting down as I nurse my tiny person, and just get to know him. But I still don't want to rush these last few days with him inside me. Such precious days, and so fleeting. But I do hope the PGP goes away for me, as quickly as possible after the birth, and doesn't hang around for ages continuing to be a problem. Hopefully I won't need to see a physiotherapist afterwards and it will all just get much better quickly. I soooooo hope. I am really tired of being in this much pain all the time now. I'm worried that it will be troublesome during labour/birth but Heather said I should just NOT squat (not that I have any interest in doing so!), and lie down on my left side like I did with Benjamin. My left side is currently the more painful side to lie on, and moving from that side is truly truly awful, if I've been on it any length of time, even just to shift position ever so slightly. The right side is pretty much almost as bad but marginally less so. So I am not crazy about doing that during labour.... Anyway. Hopefully it'll be okay.
What about the birth? I guess I have been back and forth over this for a long long time now! It's too late at night now and the narrative of the decision-making process is too long-winded for me to elaborate on it much here and now, but basically right now I am planning a homebirth. I have my homebirth supplies pretty much ready at the foot of my bed. I have my hospital bag almost completely packed (just needs the odd thing like a hairbrush and a baby blanket - everything else is done, including all the stocks of things like breastpads, newborn nappies, maternity pads, etc, etc! Exciting things to purchase!). I still haven't written a birth plan but I'm so up in the air about what to do and even what to expect, that I just can't seem to get my head around writing one. I SHOULD, and Heather has reminded me to do so, even a brief one, but I haven't yet. Hopefully I'll do one in time, but I should think I won't be able to get "head space" to think of that until the weekend when Neil is home and I get a bit more rest. The days with the boys are pretty intense and my brain seems to be absolute mush at all times - I can't think straight at any point, or make any decisions! Everything in me is all used up from Monday to Friday, waking to falling asleep! Tonight is going pretty well in that I'm able to write this! Some nights I have thought to update here but just felt unable to string sentences together, even in type, lol!
The recommendation (strong) is for me to give birth in hospital, due to a) succenturiate lobe on my placenta and increased risk of haemmorrhage, b) 5th baby and therefore (ALLEGED) increased risk of haemmorrhage (Heather and I can NOT find any research to back this up, and nor can the midwives or consultant that Heather asks quite pointedly, haha!), and c) my GBS test came back positive. Again. At 36 weeks. Woo. Hoo. I'm bummed about it, but I guess I know it was likely, since I have been GBS+ the last two pregnancies (and probably the previous two but I wasn't tested those times). Last time I declined IV antibiotics during labour and had Benjamin at home anyway, and observed him well after his birth for 24 hours, and all was fine. I feel like I did that hurdle last time, so I am less anxious about making that decision this time. I will be careful with watching for increased risk factors though, as last time. If my waters break before labour starts, I will likely just go into hospital and get antibiotics. Last time they didn't break until his head was crowning, just like with Matthew! With Arthur and Nathan, I was in hospital and I had IV antibiotics (Arthur because I developed a fever - good indication of GBS even though we didn't know about that at the time since I wasn't tested). Everyone (midwives, Heather, consultant, etc) seems to expect my labour to be quick and straightforward this time, since it's my 5th baby and last time went like that. I have less confidence than they all seem to, but I guess it's a good possibility, and it's nice to hear them all saying how it will likely go that way! :) So if my waters break, apparently at this stage I should expect labour to kick right in and move quickly anyway. There shouldn't be time for things to drag and for me to start to feel unwell with the kind of signs I had in Arthur's VERY LONG labour. So, especially if my waters break right at the very end, the GBS risk should be extremely low.
As far as the bleeding risks go, I have decided (not all that firmly!) to stay at home. The midwives seem to have no problem booking my homebirth, and everybody knows I may possibly need a transfer to hospital. I SO SO SO hope that will not happen, and that my placenta will plop right out with the lobe attached, and no significant bleeding. We are actively praying for this, and I covet your prayers for the same please! Until last week I had assumed that I would have a managed 3rd stage (syntometrine injection as the baby is born to get the placenta delivered asap) to reduce the risk of bleeding, but then I did a bit more research on it. It does appear to reduce the risk of bleeding, but I'm not too crazy about it all the same. They have to massage your tummy like crazy and apply cord traction, all in the name of getting the thing out FAST so that the cervix doesn't close before they can get it out, thus causing the extra problem of "retained placenta", for which I would have to transfer to hospital and go into theatre to have it removed! I had a horrible time delivering Arthur's placenta (managed 3rd stage which didn't follow on quickly like it should have) where the doctor applied cord traction to the degree that she braced herself against the foot of my bed and used all her strength to pull on the cord hanging out of me!! BOY did that feel wrong, though I understand why, and I find myself wondering why on earth I should agree to having the whole thing messed about with?! My cervix wouldn't naturally close that fast at all if I didn't have that intervention of the injection to deliver the placenta - it's a side-effect of the injection. My uterus has done a great job of popping out the placenta with some good strong contractions since Arthur's birth, within about 20 minutes of the baby being born. I don't see why it wouldn't be very efficient at it again? If at that point I DO have excessive bleeding, the treatment on the spot would be the syntometrine injection ANYWAY, so at that point they can administer it if needed, right? I know if the bleeding is persistant and heavy then it might not work, and that worries me, but I guess I am trying not to dwell so heavily on the negative possibilities. Doing so has been really making me crazy these last few weeks, and I just want to think positive, pray continually, and have a plan in place if it's needed. So at the moment that means planning a homebirth, praying that all will go smoothly, and being prepared for an emergency transfer at the end if it does not. And trusting God to have His hand upon me and keep me safe. I feel better (SO much better!) with this mindset than I have in ages. The only decision I am now left wondering about is whether to decline the managed 3rd stage. Heather says I can, and she will support me in it, but that the midwives will throw up their hands in horror and I should be prepared for that if I choose to decline it! She said I can wait until I'm in labour before I decide, so that is good because it makes me feel less under pressure to decide right now. I am praying about it, and right now I feel that I will decline it and let my body do what I feel quite confident that it's able to do, and be glad of medical help right there if I need it. I am about a 3 minute drive from the hospital so that helps too.
Well as always there is SO much more I could write. I so want to! But it's too late and I have to go to bed. Samuel's movements are really slowing down a lot this week - I did worry about it a couple of times, but he's still moving enough, just less than usual. He is mostly just rolling his shoulders a bit and shuffling his bent-up legs, poor little squished lambie! He has absolutely NO room left in there. At my 38 week midwife appointment everything was fine (blood pressure 110/70, urine + for protein and leukocytes which frankly it often is for me at this stage since I have a ton of CM that seems to contaminate the samples I give them most times, but never grows anything when sent off to the lab) and Samuel was measuring okay for dates (I assume - they didn't say otherwise!), and was still 4/5 palpable, but "nice and low" according to the same midwife who attended my 40-week appt with Benjamin (and came back later the same day once labour was starting!) and declared him "really high still", so that was nice to hear! :) Samuel gets hiccups about 2-4 times a day still at the moment. They feel really BIG and strong now, and I love feeling them! I can't wait to hold him when I lay my hand on my bump and feel his hiccups so very clearly, and imagine him in there hiccuping away!
The boys now know his name - hooray!! :) Arthur was THRILLED and beamed for ages when we told him, so I guess he likes the name! Matthew said he did not like the name because he wanted the baby to be called "Crispy" when he came out, hehe! Arthur chose the name "Cornflake" for Samuel through my pregnancy, and Matthew's choice at the same time was "Crispy", but we let Arthur have the choice this time. Matthew has been very persistant with his choice all the same, referring to the baby as "Crispy" instead of Cornflake, and telling the midwife when I have an appointment that the baby's name is Crispy, hehe! So he seems to be most put out that the baby won't ACTUALLY be called Crispy when he is born! He wouldn't even say Samuel's name for the first few days we were using it with the boys, and then finally he used it for the first time to tell me, "Mummy, after Samuel, when you have the NEXT baby in your tummy, I want it to be Crispy." ;)
Nathan mostly refers to the baby as "your new baby" whenever he talks about him to me, for some reason! He talks about him with affection and excitement, and tells me many times a day what the baby will do when he comes out. Right now he is all about the baby having lots of milky when he comes out. I have been telling him about what new babies do (have milky, wee, poo, cry and sleep) so that he gets a better expectation, because although it'll be his second little brother (that's CRAZY to type out, referring to my teeny little 2-year-old Nathey-noodle!), he really doesn't have any idea of what to expect as he was only 18 months old when Benjamin was born. He kept telling me that the new baby would crawl and stand when he came out, lol! So I have been talking to him about it a lot lately, and he is now coming out with more appropriate things! ;) Benjamin turned 17 months old today and has nooooo idea what's coming, bless his heart! He pats my tummy and says, "baby", and he makes a sort of sad little miaowing sound as he looks at it - the same sound he makes when he plays with the two baby dolls we've got, to pretend they're crying. He is EVER SO sweet with the baby dolls. He spontaneously started playing with them a few weeks ago, and they are one of his favourite things to play with these days. He lifts their legs up and says, "tains" (change, for nappy change), and will wipe them with a hanky! He makes that funny crying sound and says to me, "Cwy" and then holds them against his little torso face-in, and sways about, saying, "Ssss....ssss....sssss." (which is his version of "shhh" - SOOOOOOOOOO adorable!). Nobody showed him this, I think he got it from when Neil settles him in a similar way when he wakes and cries in the evening. He gives cuh-gohs and kisses to the babies, and lately brings them to me and lifts my top up, and posts them rather roughly at my breast so I can nurse them! He calls my milk "gunk" - how flattering, haha! But it's just how he has pronounced it from the first, and it has stuck.
Anyway, the boys are all doing fine in terms of waiting and preparing to meet Samuel. They are so eager, and every day the older two tell me how many days there are left until he is due! They know it could happen any time and are very excited. We have my brother for back-up if we need childcare cover, but he is having job interviews regularly at the moment (he's out of work right now) and also has his own two little ones, so he is only available if he turns out to be when we call him! Also if I need to transfer in an emergency then there won't be time for him to come over. We've decided that if I need to go into hospital I will go with Heather and Neil will stay home with the little ones. I feel sad to think he might not get to see Samuel born, but we both feel happier about this option as far as the boys are concerned, and I won't stress at ALL about being in hospital and leaving the boys behind, which I always do otherwise. And I have Heather. But I hope I will stay at home and we'll both be around for the boys, and he won't miss the birth either! :)
It is currently SO surreal to think that I will actually go into labour any time, ever, let alone soon, that I just can't think straight at all about it really happening. I just have no expectations of it yet. I can't imagine really going into labour, or having actually given birth and being on the other side of it! There's so much going on at home, so much still to do, and it just seems so unlikely that I'll go ahead and add giving birth to the whole shebang, hehe! Christmas preparations are making it seem even less possible, and I'm much more able to think about and focus on stuff to get done for Christmas than the fact that I will be having a baby BEFORE Christmas arrives! So very surreal.
I am wondering about when it WILL happen though. So far - and it doesn't mean it will be this way again, I know - so far, all my babies have been born between the 9th and 14th of the month, no matter when they were due, like I said last entry. I have never gone into labour naturally before my due date (with Nathan he was obviously born way before my due date but I had to be induced when my waters broke), and my due date is the 13th. So based on that, I still wonder if I will have a baby on the 13th or 14th (14th sticking in my head as the most likely, as I was that exact gestation when Benjamin was born too). If I do, then I think a pattern is emerging! ;) Arthur on the 9th, Matthew on the 14th, Nathan on the 12th. Benjamin starts it off again by being born on the 9th, and then if Samuel comes on the 14th, that leaves us another son to be born on the 12th of some month at some point! ;) I always say now that "my window" is the 9th to the 14th of the month, so I feel like I could give birth anywhere in that window. I told everyone that with confidence last time, and Benjamin WAS born on the 9th. I just knew he wouldn't come earlier than my window! :) So today is the 9th - my window has begun! :) I am still not really expecting him before the weekend, or even until the weekend is over, because my due date isn't until Monday. My scans all put me due on the 11th (Saturday) but my chart disagrees, and I'm pretty sure about it, so I am sticking with the 13th.
Okay, I MUST go to bed! So glad to have updated to actually record some important stuff before the whirlwind blur of labour posts and postnatal ramblings when pregnancy suddenly seems a long way in the past and less relevant to catch up posting about! Oh, and I have updated my belly gallery. I still feel bad that I haven't kept up with Samuel's belly pictures like I have all the other boys, but I'm accepting the fact that I just HAVEN'T, now. Neil and I are just not getting the same kind of time together that we used to, and he always used to take the belly pictures. I discovered I can set the camera with a timer to take my own picture, so that's what I've done for the last few. Still not as many as I usually take, and they're more spaced out, but oh well. Also one of them is really out of focus, hehe! But never mind! So my last one that I posted in the gallery was 28 weeks. I have now put one up for 33 weeks (or it might have been taken the day before I turned 33 weeks, I think), and 37 weeks and 5 days. I fully intend to take one this week/weekend, in case I have a baby before I get to take my "due date" photo, or forget to or something. Then I'll have a record of the very END of my pregnancy with a photo. I feel HUGE. My maternity trousers and jeans do not fit, and haven't fit over my bump since 37 weeks. I just can't wear them! I do have one very comfy pair of maternity PJs which I live in, hehe! And I have the soft stretchy brown trousers that at least don't HURT to wear, but which slide under my bump continually and fall down - I'm constantly hoisting them over my non-existant hips, but like I say, at least they're comfy and less embarrassing to open the door in than pyjamas! I'll pretty much be wearing one of those two things in any more belly pics I take - and I am wearing them in the 37 week picture (they've slid under my bump already!).
I'll try to update again soon. I have had no signs of labour impending so far, though tonight I am mildly crampy in a vaguely periody way for the first time. Right now I can't feel any crampiness, I just noticed a bit of it earlier in the evening when I was resting on the bed. Nothing else to report yet though! I'll keep the blog posted as soon as "things" really start to happen, unless there's urgency to the situation and I don't get time.
Sunday, 21 November 2010
36 weeks, 6 days
Well I can't believe I've neglected this blog so very much this pregnancy! I just can't seem to find time enough to update. I usually don't think to write small bits and pieces since I always end up writing so much more and spending ages when I didn't plan to. I SHOULD just try writing small bits and pieces, because that's better than nothing at all. Oh well. I will try to catch up a bit now, but really what I should be doing is writing a LITTLE BIT and then going to bed, since it's getting late. We moved Benjamin into the boys' bedroom this evening at bedtime and I am reluctant to go to bed, because HOW I'll miss my sweet little man in my room with me at night :( My room looks so cold and lonely and empty and makes me feel sad, even knowing that Samuel is coming soon to fill it with babyness again. The first night is always the hardest, and I'm just procrastinating downstairs while the rest of the household sleeps.... I love Benjamin so incredibly much, I just can't explain, and just his companionship, even when he's sleeping. Hope he will be okay in the other bedroom and not get upset if he wakes...
Anyway, pregnancy!
I can hardly believe that tomorrow I will be 37 weeks pregnant, and thus FULL TERM!!!! Can you believe that Samuel will be here SO soon?!?! I'm so glad to have made it to full term because now I can have a homebirth if I want to, and he should be fine and dandy. Also I am breathing a big sigh of relief tonight because Heather (my doula) has been running a stall at a Christmas craft fair, Friday, Saturday and Sunday (today), and would not have been available if my waters had broken or something! I know it wasn't likely, but I have really felt anxious about it this weekend, and I'm glad she's finished the craft fair today! :) She officially goes "on call" for me from 38 weeks until December 23rd. I'm sure I won't go that far but if it gets to Christmas Eve she can't be with me :( I'm still thinking Samuel will come right around his due date. So far all my babies have been born between the 9th and 14th of the month, regardless of when they were due:
Arthur: Due Nov 5th, born Nov 9th
Matthew: Due June 7th, born June 14th
Nathan: Due Feb 10th, born Jan 12th
Benjamin: Due July 8th, born July 9th
Samuel is due Dec 13th (or 11th if you're asking the sonographer, which I am not!), and I am pretty much thinking he'll be born in that 9th-14th window, but since he's due on the 13th and (other than Nathan) I give birth after my due date, I think he'll come either on his due date or on the 14th. We shall see! :)
I am feeling huge lately, of course - what 37-weeks-pregnant mama does not?! I think I am gaining weight REALLY fast these last few weeks, but I haven't weighed myself in that time. The last time I weighed myself - I can't remember my gestation, perhaps it was even something I mentioned last entry? - I had suddenly gained 9lbs in 9 days, and I certainly FEEL physically as though I'm continuing the trend, unfortunately! :S I am craving all manner of sweet and sugary things which isn't helping! I've given up bothering about it, and just eating what I enjoy right now. I still fit in my largest maternity jeans and for the first time my wedding ring is STILL on! :) I hope I can keep it on right the way through now. I don't think I have managed to do that before, but then again, I often have some last minute water retention in my hands, and haven't arrived at that stage yet.
Samuel is very wiggly, but just squirms and pushes his legs lately. He changes several times a day in his position from my left side to my right, but he's always head down with his back up against my tummy (one side or the other) which is good. At my last midwife appointment (36 weeks) I finally had my first ever record in my notes of his head in relation to my pelvis - four fifths palpable still, but I like that better than "high and free"! :) He has spent so much time over my pregnancy with his head in my left hip that I'm relieved that 1/5 of it is squarely in my pelvis now! He gets hiccups several times a day, and seems to me to be a very laid-back baby, not agitated in his movements at all. He can get a bit more vigorous during a bout of hiccups, but nothing like some of my other boys did! He doesn't poke or flick or hurt me with little movements like one or two of my other babies have either. He just pushes and squirms with his legs and shoulders most of the time. Sometimes he grinds his head around and it feels very low when he does that, so it makes quite a sharp pain while he's doing it, I guess around my cervical area or my bladder - I can't quite pinpoint where exactly.
At my 36 week appointment (which was done at home, thankfully, and I've asked for home visits only from now on since Neil is now at his new job and I can't fathom hauling all the little ones out to a midwife appointment every week or so at this huge stage of pregnancy!), the midwife asked me about the scan and consultant appointment I had (which I don't think I've even updated about - BAD Alice!) and what my thoughts were on where to give birth.
That appointment was at 34 weeks and 3 days. I went by myself because Heather could not go with me that day, and Neil needed to be at home to look after the boys. I had a scan first to check on my placenta. At first she could not find the lobe at all but it turned out that Samuel was lying on it! ;) He was very happy and calm and content, and did not feel like moving, no matter how she jiggled my poor tummy! In the end she was able to get an angle where she could see it. So it's still the same situation with my succenturiate placenta. It still is a normal placenta with an extra lobe. The main placenta is high and anterior, and the lobe is now lateral (on the side of my uterus) where before it was posterior. It's high, which is the best place for it to be. The blood flow is normal in the lobe and to the main placenta, and Samuel's umbilical cord is inserted into the middle of the main placenta, and the blood flow to him is normal too. Which is all good! All his measurements were fine for 34 weeks apparently. He was sucking calmly at the amniotic fluid some of the time, and just seemed to be quite chilled out in there! It was LOVELY to see him again! I have never had a late scan before, and one thing I noticed was how chubby his little cheeks looked compared with at the 20 week scan! So sweet! It was also lovely to see his sweet little chinny again - ohhh I can't wait to see that for real! It's definitely like Nathan's from what I can see - quite a dip in under his lower lip, and with a cleft/dimple down the centre :) I heart Nathan's little cleft chinny (and Benjamin's is similar but not so deep) so I'm eager to use my little finger to gentle stroke that sweet dimple when I finally have my tiny boy in my arms! :)
He's also definitely still a boy, lol! The first thing we saw when the screen was switched on were his boy bits, and the sonographer moved the image quickly and asked if I knew what I was having! ;) I said yes, and she said that was good because she was not sure how she could hide it, since he was so obviously a boy, hehe! Here's a picture that she kindly gave me of my sweet precious:
Then came the consultant appointment, with my lovely, very open-minded and laid-back consultant. It was almost the end of the day by this time and when he came in he seemed kind of tired and stressed, and that seemed to affect the appointment unfortunately. He said basically the same stuff as last time, but with a slightly more stressy/pessimistic spin on it, which was a bummer. He said I could have a homebirth if the community midwives would agree to take me on with my high risks, and that I should discuss it with them and have them call him and discuss the plan for my case. Well, firstly I can have a homebirth whether or not the midwives think they want to take me on, since it's MY choice, but whatever! ;) Secondly I did not end up getting one of my midwives to call the consultant and discuss me, because I didn't think it was necessary. I'M the decision-maker here, not the midwives or the consultant. But I need to decide carefully, and I have been having terrible trouble doing so.
The midwife asked me at 36 weeks, and I said that my current thinking is to book a homebirth whilst staying open-minded to choosing a hospital birth at the last minute. Heather told me it's much better to book a homebirth and change my mind than the other way around - much easier apparently! So that's what I said, and she didn't bat at eyelid, simply started the process of booking my homebirth there and then! :) I had to go through the risk/transfer list AGAIN, but I asked her if I could take it away and read it in my own time, rather than her verbally take me through it, because all my children were in the room watching and listening and I did not want them made anxious about any aspect of the birth. So I am booked for a homebirth! I have the usual list of stuff I need to accumulate, but I have most of it in a box that we got down from the loft, labelled, "Homebirth/Postnatal", so I need to open that and go through it soon to find out what's in it.
I am still not sure whether to just go ahead and give birth in the hospital. When I was at my appointment, it was downstairs below the labour ward, and just being there made me feel itchy, like I had some sort of constant mild adrenaline and just wanted to get up and run away from there and get home. That made me think I really did want to have a homebirth, if I felt that way in the hospital. Obviously there are childcare issues to consider as well. If I have a hospital birth the likely scenario for us is that Neil will miss it entirely, since we just don't have any childcare help at ALL. We only have my brother, and he looked after the boys overnight when Nathan was born, but he hasn't got back to us about it since I asked him whether he'd mind doing it again if we needed him to a couple of weeks ago. I will probably follow up and call him soon but he has a couple of little kiddies now and it's ever so close to Christmas (they'll probably visit family in the run-up to Christmas and be away from home therefore). We don't really have anyone we can ask, but even so, the boys would probably not be happy with anyone other than Bennie anyway. So far we are thinking that if I have to go into hospital (or choose to), Neil will stay home and I will at least have my doula with me for support. I would so hate for him to miss seeing Samuel being born though.... If I was at home, he would be able to look after the boys but NOT miss the baby being born, just as it worked out at Benjamin's birth - that was wonderful!
I love being in my own home, it's so much more comforting, relaxing and familiar. It requires so much less energy from me, physically and emotionally. I think it's a reason my labour last time was the fastest yet, and pretty smooth and easy (until the last bit!) as well. I would like that again, and I just feel like there are way too many things to complicate the natural process of allowing labour to progress as it should, just getting myself into hospital, let alone being there and not being in my favourite place as I try to go with what my body is doing.
So homebirth is the obvious choice for me. BUT. The big but. I don't want to put myself at risk! Or the baby, for that matter - I had my GBS swab done at my 36 week appointment and I will try to remember to phone the midwife tomorrow to find out the result. It's likely (but not necessarily certain) to be positive, which of course presents a miniscule risk to the baby. In hospital I would get IV antibiotics which would reduce the risk to the baby enormously, and I don't want my baby to be at risk! Last time I was GBS positive and still had a homebirth with no antibiotics. I was careful, I watched for signs of GBS infection, my waters broke right at the very end of labour as he was being born (a GOOD thing with GBS), and I was careful to observe him for the first 24 hours or so to make sure he was staying well. All went fine, and having been there and done that, I would choose the same thing again this time. It's just the risk of bleeding with the type of placenta I've got that makes me anxious and not know what to do.
When I got to 35 weeks and 5 days - the day my waters broke with Nathan - I had a sudden overwhelming urge for my waters to just break again so that the decision could be made for me! If they did, I would automatically be going into hospital, getting IV antibiotics, and being induced, like with Nathan. I would be there already, and that would be that. If I had a heavy bleed after the birth, I would be in a very good place for it. For a few days I hoped and hoped my waters would break, even knowing that was DAFT because it was too early and would not be good for my little one if that happened! *sigh*
Then I got over it a bit, but started to wonder if I should just book a hospital birth after all, since I felt such a sense of relief at the idea of just having another reason to be in the hospital. But CHOOSING to be there is different. Choosing not to be in my own home, choosing to be away from my little ones, and choosing for Neil to miss the birth.... I don't want any of those things. Heather suggested that I pray and ask God to show me where I should give birth. I just can't seem to find any clarity of thought at all lately - all my thoughts are scrambled with the new demands of Neil being out 12 hours a day through the week, and I just have mush for a brain all the time! It's Sunday evening after Neil's second full week at work, and for the first time I am able to think straight! :) Perhaps I'm adjusting at last?! Anyway, Heather suggested I ask God to show me in my dreams if I wasn't able to think about it. I did have a dream the very first night I prayed about it, and it was a bit weird but basically I was in hospital and it did NOT feel nice to be there. I felt anxious and tense and wanted to leave all the time. I am asking God for more, or for confirmation. Meanwhile I am just noticing day by day that I feel more and more relaxed about the idea of just going into labour and staying at home. I don't know why. Perhaps it's answer to prayer?
Anyway, I am still undecided about it all, but so far I am happy to have booked the homebirth and be starting to plan that out, even though part of me is still wondering about the hospital birth idea. I just don't want to bleeeeeed! At all! :S
Well, I'm sure there's more, as always, but it's getting late and I need to go to bed. I'm glad to be relaxing more about the birth over these last few days, because it has FINALLY enabled me to start planning for it - before that I was too anxious to want to go there, and was not getting stuff done in preparation for Samuel to be here.
Now we've moved Benjamin into the boys' room, and my room has a lot of boxes in it which need sorting or putting in the loft. Not much time left, but hopefully we'll get there before Samuel comes! I started packing a hospital bag yesterday which was surprisingly exciting, to my relief! :) So far I have only packed some of my things, no baby things yet. I have written the packing list though - I basically copied Benjamin's, and it was amusing that when I wrote the title of my list at the top of the page, I nearly wrote, "Hospital Bag - 2010", hahaha! Sort of like a Christmas card list, to differentiate it from the lists I've written for the previous years! ;) I do seem to have babies that often lately, hehe! Nathan was born in 2008, Benjamin in 2009, and Samuel will be born in 2010 - so 3 calendar years in a row! I'm almost 100% positive that we'll miss out 2011 though! ;)
Benjamin still needs his cot, and there isn't enough room for the Amby hammock that Benjamin used, in the smaller bedroom with me. We have a Moses basket but those never last more than a few weeks for my babies as they grow so fast. So we bought a bedside crib, which should hopefully last until 5 or so months, as those are bigger than a Moses basket and say "up to 6 months". It's still boxed right now because I haven't had time or space to set it up, but now that Benjamin is in the other bedroom I can get to clearing boxes and then set it up! I can't wait - such a fun project! I bought a crib coverlet from eBay in neutral colours, and can probably get away with using flat Moses basket sheets for the crib mattress instead of having to buy fitted crib-sized sheets. I have plenty of the little flat sheets. I am planning to swaddle Samuel (which we never really managed with the others) so hopefully he'll fit the crib for a good while since he'll be all bundled up! :) We'll see how that pans out.
MUST go to bed! I will probably start to update here more frequently as the due date draws near - I just seem to naturally be drawn to wanting to write my thoughts about things as I get near to giving birth, so that's at least a good thing for my poor neglected pregnancy blog! ;) Thanks for the comments asking if everything is okay - it's usually those that give me the reminder to get another post written at last, and I really appreciate you thinking of me even when I'm quiet for ages here! xxx
[edited to add a note to self: I forgot to write about my Pelvic Girdle Pain - new experience for me this pregnancy! Will try to remember it next post!]
Anyway, pregnancy!
I can hardly believe that tomorrow I will be 37 weeks pregnant, and thus FULL TERM!!!! Can you believe that Samuel will be here SO soon?!?! I'm so glad to have made it to full term because now I can have a homebirth if I want to, and he should be fine and dandy. Also I am breathing a big sigh of relief tonight because Heather (my doula) has been running a stall at a Christmas craft fair, Friday, Saturday and Sunday (today), and would not have been available if my waters had broken or something! I know it wasn't likely, but I have really felt anxious about it this weekend, and I'm glad she's finished the craft fair today! :) She officially goes "on call" for me from 38 weeks until December 23rd. I'm sure I won't go that far but if it gets to Christmas Eve she can't be with me :( I'm still thinking Samuel will come right around his due date. So far all my babies have been born between the 9th and 14th of the month, regardless of when they were due:
Arthur: Due Nov 5th, born Nov 9th
Matthew: Due June 7th, born June 14th
Nathan: Due Feb 10th, born Jan 12th
Benjamin: Due July 8th, born July 9th
Samuel is due Dec 13th (or 11th if you're asking the sonographer, which I am not!), and I am pretty much thinking he'll be born in that 9th-14th window, but since he's due on the 13th and (other than Nathan) I give birth after my due date, I think he'll come either on his due date or on the 14th. We shall see! :)
I am feeling huge lately, of course - what 37-weeks-pregnant mama does not?! I think I am gaining weight REALLY fast these last few weeks, but I haven't weighed myself in that time. The last time I weighed myself - I can't remember my gestation, perhaps it was even something I mentioned last entry? - I had suddenly gained 9lbs in 9 days, and I certainly FEEL physically as though I'm continuing the trend, unfortunately! :S I am craving all manner of sweet and sugary things which isn't helping! I've given up bothering about it, and just eating what I enjoy right now. I still fit in my largest maternity jeans and for the first time my wedding ring is STILL on! :) I hope I can keep it on right the way through now. I don't think I have managed to do that before, but then again, I often have some last minute water retention in my hands, and haven't arrived at that stage yet.
Samuel is very wiggly, but just squirms and pushes his legs lately. He changes several times a day in his position from my left side to my right, but he's always head down with his back up against my tummy (one side or the other) which is good. At my last midwife appointment (36 weeks) I finally had my first ever record in my notes of his head in relation to my pelvis - four fifths palpable still, but I like that better than "high and free"! :) He has spent so much time over my pregnancy with his head in my left hip that I'm relieved that 1/5 of it is squarely in my pelvis now! He gets hiccups several times a day, and seems to me to be a very laid-back baby, not agitated in his movements at all. He can get a bit more vigorous during a bout of hiccups, but nothing like some of my other boys did! He doesn't poke or flick or hurt me with little movements like one or two of my other babies have either. He just pushes and squirms with his legs and shoulders most of the time. Sometimes he grinds his head around and it feels very low when he does that, so it makes quite a sharp pain while he's doing it, I guess around my cervical area or my bladder - I can't quite pinpoint where exactly.
At my 36 week appointment (which was done at home, thankfully, and I've asked for home visits only from now on since Neil is now at his new job and I can't fathom hauling all the little ones out to a midwife appointment every week or so at this huge stage of pregnancy!), the midwife asked me about the scan and consultant appointment I had (which I don't think I've even updated about - BAD Alice!) and what my thoughts were on where to give birth.
That appointment was at 34 weeks and 3 days. I went by myself because Heather could not go with me that day, and Neil needed to be at home to look after the boys. I had a scan first to check on my placenta. At first she could not find the lobe at all but it turned out that Samuel was lying on it! ;) He was very happy and calm and content, and did not feel like moving, no matter how she jiggled my poor tummy! In the end she was able to get an angle where she could see it. So it's still the same situation with my succenturiate placenta. It still is a normal placenta with an extra lobe. The main placenta is high and anterior, and the lobe is now lateral (on the side of my uterus) where before it was posterior. It's high, which is the best place for it to be. The blood flow is normal in the lobe and to the main placenta, and Samuel's umbilical cord is inserted into the middle of the main placenta, and the blood flow to him is normal too. Which is all good! All his measurements were fine for 34 weeks apparently. He was sucking calmly at the amniotic fluid some of the time, and just seemed to be quite chilled out in there! It was LOVELY to see him again! I have never had a late scan before, and one thing I noticed was how chubby his little cheeks looked compared with at the 20 week scan! So sweet! It was also lovely to see his sweet little chinny again - ohhh I can't wait to see that for real! It's definitely like Nathan's from what I can see - quite a dip in under his lower lip, and with a cleft/dimple down the centre :) I heart Nathan's little cleft chinny (and Benjamin's is similar but not so deep) so I'm eager to use my little finger to gentle stroke that sweet dimple when I finally have my tiny boy in my arms! :)
He's also definitely still a boy, lol! The first thing we saw when the screen was switched on were his boy bits, and the sonographer moved the image quickly and asked if I knew what I was having! ;) I said yes, and she said that was good because she was not sure how she could hide it, since he was so obviously a boy, hehe! Here's a picture that she kindly gave me of my sweet precious:
Then came the consultant appointment, with my lovely, very open-minded and laid-back consultant. It was almost the end of the day by this time and when he came in he seemed kind of tired and stressed, and that seemed to affect the appointment unfortunately. He said basically the same stuff as last time, but with a slightly more stressy/pessimistic spin on it, which was a bummer. He said I could have a homebirth if the community midwives would agree to take me on with my high risks, and that I should discuss it with them and have them call him and discuss the plan for my case. Well, firstly I can have a homebirth whether or not the midwives think they want to take me on, since it's MY choice, but whatever! ;) Secondly I did not end up getting one of my midwives to call the consultant and discuss me, because I didn't think it was necessary. I'M the decision-maker here, not the midwives or the consultant. But I need to decide carefully, and I have been having terrible trouble doing so.
The midwife asked me at 36 weeks, and I said that my current thinking is to book a homebirth whilst staying open-minded to choosing a hospital birth at the last minute. Heather told me it's much better to book a homebirth and change my mind than the other way around - much easier apparently! So that's what I said, and she didn't bat at eyelid, simply started the process of booking my homebirth there and then! :) I had to go through the risk/transfer list AGAIN, but I asked her if I could take it away and read it in my own time, rather than her verbally take me through it, because all my children were in the room watching and listening and I did not want them made anxious about any aspect of the birth. So I am booked for a homebirth! I have the usual list of stuff I need to accumulate, but I have most of it in a box that we got down from the loft, labelled, "Homebirth/Postnatal", so I need to open that and go through it soon to find out what's in it.
I am still not sure whether to just go ahead and give birth in the hospital. When I was at my appointment, it was downstairs below the labour ward, and just being there made me feel itchy, like I had some sort of constant mild adrenaline and just wanted to get up and run away from there and get home. That made me think I really did want to have a homebirth, if I felt that way in the hospital. Obviously there are childcare issues to consider as well. If I have a hospital birth the likely scenario for us is that Neil will miss it entirely, since we just don't have any childcare help at ALL. We only have my brother, and he looked after the boys overnight when Nathan was born, but he hasn't got back to us about it since I asked him whether he'd mind doing it again if we needed him to a couple of weeks ago. I will probably follow up and call him soon but he has a couple of little kiddies now and it's ever so close to Christmas (they'll probably visit family in the run-up to Christmas and be away from home therefore). We don't really have anyone we can ask, but even so, the boys would probably not be happy with anyone other than Bennie anyway. So far we are thinking that if I have to go into hospital (or choose to), Neil will stay home and I will at least have my doula with me for support. I would so hate for him to miss seeing Samuel being born though.... If I was at home, he would be able to look after the boys but NOT miss the baby being born, just as it worked out at Benjamin's birth - that was wonderful!
I love being in my own home, it's so much more comforting, relaxing and familiar. It requires so much less energy from me, physically and emotionally. I think it's a reason my labour last time was the fastest yet, and pretty smooth and easy (until the last bit!) as well. I would like that again, and I just feel like there are way too many things to complicate the natural process of allowing labour to progress as it should, just getting myself into hospital, let alone being there and not being in my favourite place as I try to go with what my body is doing.
So homebirth is the obvious choice for me. BUT. The big but. I don't want to put myself at risk! Or the baby, for that matter - I had my GBS swab done at my 36 week appointment and I will try to remember to phone the midwife tomorrow to find out the result. It's likely (but not necessarily certain) to be positive, which of course presents a miniscule risk to the baby. In hospital I would get IV antibiotics which would reduce the risk to the baby enormously, and I don't want my baby to be at risk! Last time I was GBS positive and still had a homebirth with no antibiotics. I was careful, I watched for signs of GBS infection, my waters broke right at the very end of labour as he was being born (a GOOD thing with GBS), and I was careful to observe him for the first 24 hours or so to make sure he was staying well. All went fine, and having been there and done that, I would choose the same thing again this time. It's just the risk of bleeding with the type of placenta I've got that makes me anxious and not know what to do.
When I got to 35 weeks and 5 days - the day my waters broke with Nathan - I had a sudden overwhelming urge for my waters to just break again so that the decision could be made for me! If they did, I would automatically be going into hospital, getting IV antibiotics, and being induced, like with Nathan. I would be there already, and that would be that. If I had a heavy bleed after the birth, I would be in a very good place for it. For a few days I hoped and hoped my waters would break, even knowing that was DAFT because it was too early and would not be good for my little one if that happened! *sigh*
Then I got over it a bit, but started to wonder if I should just book a hospital birth after all, since I felt such a sense of relief at the idea of just having another reason to be in the hospital. But CHOOSING to be there is different. Choosing not to be in my own home, choosing to be away from my little ones, and choosing for Neil to miss the birth.... I don't want any of those things. Heather suggested that I pray and ask God to show me where I should give birth. I just can't seem to find any clarity of thought at all lately - all my thoughts are scrambled with the new demands of Neil being out 12 hours a day through the week, and I just have mush for a brain all the time! It's Sunday evening after Neil's second full week at work, and for the first time I am able to think straight! :) Perhaps I'm adjusting at last?! Anyway, Heather suggested I ask God to show me in my dreams if I wasn't able to think about it. I did have a dream the very first night I prayed about it, and it was a bit weird but basically I was in hospital and it did NOT feel nice to be there. I felt anxious and tense and wanted to leave all the time. I am asking God for more, or for confirmation. Meanwhile I am just noticing day by day that I feel more and more relaxed about the idea of just going into labour and staying at home. I don't know why. Perhaps it's answer to prayer?
Anyway, I am still undecided about it all, but so far I am happy to have booked the homebirth and be starting to plan that out, even though part of me is still wondering about the hospital birth idea. I just don't want to bleeeeeed! At all! :S
Well, I'm sure there's more, as always, but it's getting late and I need to go to bed. I'm glad to be relaxing more about the birth over these last few days, because it has FINALLY enabled me to start planning for it - before that I was too anxious to want to go there, and was not getting stuff done in preparation for Samuel to be here.
Now we've moved Benjamin into the boys' room, and my room has a lot of boxes in it which need sorting or putting in the loft. Not much time left, but hopefully we'll get there before Samuel comes! I started packing a hospital bag yesterday which was surprisingly exciting, to my relief! :) So far I have only packed some of my things, no baby things yet. I have written the packing list though - I basically copied Benjamin's, and it was amusing that when I wrote the title of my list at the top of the page, I nearly wrote, "Hospital Bag - 2010", hahaha! Sort of like a Christmas card list, to differentiate it from the lists I've written for the previous years! ;) I do seem to have babies that often lately, hehe! Nathan was born in 2008, Benjamin in 2009, and Samuel will be born in 2010 - so 3 calendar years in a row! I'm almost 100% positive that we'll miss out 2011 though! ;)
Benjamin still needs his cot, and there isn't enough room for the Amby hammock that Benjamin used, in the smaller bedroom with me. We have a Moses basket but those never last more than a few weeks for my babies as they grow so fast. So we bought a bedside crib, which should hopefully last until 5 or so months, as those are bigger than a Moses basket and say "up to 6 months". It's still boxed right now because I haven't had time or space to set it up, but now that Benjamin is in the other bedroom I can get to clearing boxes and then set it up! I can't wait - such a fun project! I bought a crib coverlet from eBay in neutral colours, and can probably get away with using flat Moses basket sheets for the crib mattress instead of having to buy fitted crib-sized sheets. I have plenty of the little flat sheets. I am planning to swaddle Samuel (which we never really managed with the others) so hopefully he'll fit the crib for a good while since he'll be all bundled up! :) We'll see how that pans out.
MUST go to bed! I will probably start to update here more frequently as the due date draws near - I just seem to naturally be drawn to wanting to write my thoughts about things as I get near to giving birth, so that's at least a good thing for my poor neglected pregnancy blog! ;) Thanks for the comments asking if everything is okay - it's usually those that give me the reminder to get another post written at last, and I really appreciate you thinking of me even when I'm quiet for ages here! xxx
[edited to add a note to self: I forgot to write about my Pelvic Girdle Pain - new experience for me this pregnancy! Will try to remember it next post!]
Monday, 25 October 2010
32 weeks, 6 days!
Really and honestly a SHORTER entry tonight! ;)
I just saw that I had not updated here since just before 30 weeks, so even though I was about to shut down the laptop and go to bed, I wanted to QUICKLY update (we'll see, hehe!) just so this poor blog isn't being so neglected! I'll try to be brief and pad out the details in a later entry.
Sooo I will be 33 weeks pregnant tomorrow! Where is the time going?! Only 7 weeks to go until my due date - amazing! I absolutely CAN'T WAIT to meet Samuel now! Except that I am so so so enjoying carrying him inside me, so I am in no way wishing pregnancy away, and I hope I never do, even when it gets really uncomfy at the end and all the hormones kick in. I. Love. Being pregnant. Totally love it. It's such an amazing blessing. Can't believe I have nearly been through an entire pregnancy five times now! It really doesn't feel possible!
It's less than three weeks to the time in Nathan's pregnancy where my waters broke and he was born. My tiny little manny is getting not-so-tiny-any-more! He now weighs about 4.5lbs already, and is only a couple of inches short of normal newborn baby length!
I was so happy with my weight gain (yes, I started weighing myself at last, haha!) - at 29 weeks I had gained only 17lbs which is WAY less than any of my previous pregnancies (usually at this kind of stage I gave gained about a lb per week of pregnancy). At 31 weeks I had gained another 2lbs, putting my total gain at about 19lbs. I was really mainly weighing myself so soon after the previous time because I was so agog at the scales - still only 11 stone 5lbs! I think I was up to 13 stone last time - yikes!
This past week I have been feeling like there has been (yet another - there have been lots recently!) a major growth spurt going on for Samuel. Sure enough yesterday and the day before I felt horrible and sluggish and yucky, as I am becoming very familiar with over the years when my little ones have major growth spurts. I had no appetite and just felt exhausted and lethargic all the time. I slept like a log for hours any time I got chance, which believe me is a WONDERFUL improvement on the previous FOUR weeks, urgh! I have really struggled with insomnia this pregnancy, way more than the previous times, and pretty much only got one "good" night of sleep a week for a few weeks running (a good night is about 6 broken hours. It's wonderful in comparison with the 1-2 broken hours I was getting outside of that! I have no idea how I was functioning!).
Then today my appetite seemed better and I didn't feel gross and like a slug. At the same time I am just huffing and puffing around the house in an almost ridiculous manner. I just feel so huge, but I know it's not that I'm necessarily that HUGE, just that I have really grown in just a couple of days, so there's a certain adjustment to be made! I just can't stand being in the kitchen these days, because there's very little space in there to move about around our big family table in a small kitchen. It's cluttered and the floor is the laundry-sorting zone, and ugh. I can't get down to the floor (or up again if I should dare to try!), and I have to move chairs out of the way to get around the table to the sink! It drives me crazy and I just feel so HUGE and cumbersome. I'm also opening the fridge door against my bump and various similar silly things because I'm not used to how far it sticks out! Little manny has really grown suddenly.
Tonight I was feeling so heavy and large that I got to wondering if I had put on some more weight. My jeans are feeling tighter too. I was kind of taken aback to discover I now weigh exactly 12 stone - that's a gain of 9lbs since I weighed myself 9 days ago!!!!! Yikers. That explains a lot, and it should NOT be a big deal, but I am kind of bummed, just a little bit. Mainly because I wasn't expecting to put so much on so fast! And I was pretty glad to be gaining less this pregnancy. I think that puts my total gain now at 29lbs - getting close to the "one lb per week of pregnancy" thing again after all.
I am having a lot of pelvic and lower back pain if I move at all. It's worst when I move from being still for any length of time, but especially from lying on my side like at night or reclining in the evening. I have had quite a lot of pelvic/back pain this pregnancy but not in a way to make me feel like I'm having a hard time with it. It is there a lot, but sometimes it is worse than other times. Right now I guess my pelvis and back are under more strain suddenly with the fast weight gain? I don't know. Anyway, it's very painful to get up from lying down - mostly on my left side of my pelvis at the back. Samuel is mostly head down now at last (yay!) but I notice he does prefer to be oblique with his head in my left hip. I feel his head blipping against that hip (right IN it sometimes!) when he has hiccups. Sometimes I feel his head central in my pelvis when he is hiccuping but more often than not he is slightly oblique. Perhaps that's why that side of my pelvis is complaining so much?
The last two days I have also had some awful ligament pains just lying in bed. The searing type that are hard to breathe through. I usually would only get those twisting funny as I get up or something (which I am careful not to do!), but I was just lying in bed! I changed position but nothing made it go away, even hoisting my bump onto a little wedge-shaped pillow. Usually if I take the strain of my ligaments by supporting my bump or changing position, the searing pain fades off, but my guess is that it was something to do with a bigger-than-the-day-before baby in a slightly awkward position in there putting the strain on things. I had to get up and lean right forwards with my bump sort of "hanging" down in the end to get the pain to ease off, and then when I lay back down again it was okay. Weird! A few weeks ago that happened one time and when I felt my tummy, Samuel was transverse - head in my side and bottom in the other, which is where the pain was! Not this time though. I can't fathom how uncomfortable it must be to have a full-term baby in transverse position!
Admittedly I am snacking more during the evening these days! :S And I really am getting a sweet tooth again now too. Loving chocolate and mint imperials at the moment, but TRYING not to eat too much of the stuff! My appetite is pretty normal otherwise, and I'm eating normal sized portions of meals, not crazy pregnant lady sized portions like I have done with some of my other pregnancies! ;) Maybe that's still to come though? No cravings to report for a while now, but I'm enjoying food in general (unless I'm post-growth-spurt, in which case I don't want a THING to eat).
Samuel feels so much bigger in there lately! Even before the growth spurt he did. Now if I feel my tummy to check his position and find his head low and central, it feels SO WIDE compared to a few weeks ago! It seems to fill my pelvis much more. I don't think he's any lower though. He is usually high and free out of my pelvis still, or oblique. His movements are nearly all squirms and wiggles now, and I can really tell he has almost run out of space in there. No more big thumps or kicks, though he does try on occasion - when he does, it HURTS! There is not much room to give me a big kick, and he's much stronger than he used to be. It takes my breath away when he kicks me, but it's not very often now. I feel his fingers fidgetting and "pinging" at my insides sometimes. I love that feeling, because I like to be able to identify his little fingers just from the way it feels. I can't wait to kiss and stroke those tiny little fingies in a couple of months! It seems so surreal - I can hardly believe it's going to happen even! His feet are much bigger than they were a few weeks ago. Sometimes when he pushes one out high up near my ribs, I can almost take hold of it, and they are much more than an inch long now. A few days ago he was head down for a day or two, with his back along the right side of my bump. I am SURE he had one leg curled under him (which he could kick my ribs with - I can't believe my womb comes up so high now! I still have a hard time believing I am THIS far along already, so it's very surreal sometimes!), and the other leg splinted up his body. He would push both legs at the same time and one would poke my ribs upwards while the other pushed hard out of my side near my hip, low down. That low down foot was VERY uncomfortable when he pushed it out! I could feel with my hands that they were both feet though, so I'm sure that was his position.
I have my next midwife appointment at 34 weeks on November 1st. I MUST remember to ask for my maternity NHS exemption card and the grant thingy that I'm eligible for from 25 weeks (£190). We REALLY need any little bit of money we can find, and my last exemption card ran out in July when Benjamin turned one. I admit they didn't question my status when I went to the dentist a couple of weeks ago though, even without my card! ;) Free dental care for me, due to looking like the side of a house, haha! ;)
On November 4th I have my scan to check my placenta, and the consultant appointment after it. I wish Heather could go with me, but she can't this time. I will be going on my own so that Neil can watch the boys. I am noticing (over the past couple of weeks) that I am getting kind of anxious about the birth - specifically over the possibility of bleeding afterwards. Neil said last week that it must be getting time for me to write my birth plan, and I just did NOT want to think about it at all - that made me stop and think why not, because it was odd of me to feel that strongly when he mentioned it. I discovered I have been squashing down all sorts of anxious thoughts about it. Hmmm. I have random thoughts when doing things like ordering Christmas presents for the boys sometimes too - like, "I hope I'm still here to see him open this..." I know it sounds CRAZY but somewhere along the line I have got myself pretty scared of bleeding to DEATH when the placenta is delivered. Urgh. I think that's probably silly because I don't think it's likely that I would DIE from it if I did haemmorhage? I will ask the consultant to put my mind at rest! It would still be an emergency situation, obviously, but I don't think a fatal one if action was being taken, even in a homebirth situation (as the consultant told me last time). So I should get that kind of thought out of my head! I didn't even realise it was there until I stopped to question... so subtle and scary. I still feel very anxious about the birth - not the BIRTH itself, but my anxiety about the 3rd stage is high enough that I think it would begin to hinder me labouring and birthing effectively as the 2nd stage approached. Hmmm.
Once I had realised all this, I asked Neil to pray with me and he did. And as we prayed, God showed me that I have nothing to fear. Not because it'll all be fine and dandy, but because He loves me, and I am in His hands, and I can trust Him no matter what happens. Because His plan is perfect and good, and He has plans to prosper me and not to harm me. He is the Creator of the universe and there I was worrying about my placenta! Suddenly it seems so silly! ;) He also reminded me that He cares about the details, and He is more than able to handle it. So I felt MUCH better after that, but a week later the anxiety is creeping back.
I also decided that I would like to book a homebirth. The setting really doesn't matter to me, because the risk is no lower at home than at hospital, I live literally 5 minutes from a major hospital, and my anxiety over bleeding will honestly be just as high in hospital as at home. If all goes well and I DON'T bleed or need a manual removal of that extra lobe, I will be so so so so glad to be at home. There is a lot of stress and inconvenience for me with having a hospital birth, aside from the placenta issue this time around, so that has to be considered as well. If the scan and consultant appointment goes fine and he is still happy for me to give birth at home, I'll plan to do that. If he has reason to say I should not be at home, then I'll take that into proper consideration (and probably have a hospital birth). I decided I'll have a "managed" 3rd stage though, wherever I am. I didn't want to before, but I think it's probably for the best and it will lower my risk (at home or in hospital). I'm obviously praying that I will have NO excessive bleeding of any sort, and that my placenta just plops out intact, lobe and all, and that's it and all about it! But I am also praying that I might labour and give birth after the boys are in bed for the night this time, so that I can be downstairs in the living room. It's more open and less claustrophobic than the tiny bedroom I've recently moved into (I was in the bigger one for Benjamin's birth and even that wasn't too roomy when full of midwives!), and it's also right at the front door if I needed to transfer to hospital for any reason. The boys also would not have to see anything "difficult" if anything did go wrong.
Oh I so hope it doesn't! It really really makes no difference where I am, I just so want it all to go okay. The bleeding issue that everyone keeps on at me about is making me so anxious! :( The majority of these placentas do just pop out in one piece without any complications, but I know I have to be prepared for it not to as well. Please pray for me that it will be okay, and that I won't be scared, because I really sort of am.
My sweet little Samuel is awake suddenly and sweeping a tiny foot gently back and forth at the top of my bump. Okay less gently now, lol! I think because I am leaning forward over my bump to type this and he doesn't really like it when I squash my bump in any way now. I wonder how big he'll be when he's born?! I'm guessing over 8lbs for sure if he goes to my due date - well, mayyyybe not - Matthew was a week late and still only 7lbs 11oz... But I think it's more likely he'll weigh over 8lbs. I would love it if Benjamin remained the record holder though! ;) 8lbs 11oz is heavy enough for my little frame, even if it IS bigger than it used to be!
Okay I must go to bed. I'll update again soon! There's sure to be stuff I haven't said but I am purposely cutting this short so I can get some sleep now! Thanks for the comments on my last entry! :) Oh! I do have a 30 week belly picture which I haven't put on the computer yet (I'll get to it soon!), but I just realised I didn't get a 32 week one and I'm 33 weeks tomorrow! Poo! Oh well, maybe I'll get a 33 week one instead, and another at 34 weeks? I'll update with pics soon!
I just saw that I had not updated here since just before 30 weeks, so even though I was about to shut down the laptop and go to bed, I wanted to QUICKLY update (we'll see, hehe!) just so this poor blog isn't being so neglected! I'll try to be brief and pad out the details in a later entry.
Sooo I will be 33 weeks pregnant tomorrow! Where is the time going?! Only 7 weeks to go until my due date - amazing! I absolutely CAN'T WAIT to meet Samuel now! Except that I am so so so enjoying carrying him inside me, so I am in no way wishing pregnancy away, and I hope I never do, even when it gets really uncomfy at the end and all the hormones kick in. I. Love. Being pregnant. Totally love it. It's such an amazing blessing. Can't believe I have nearly been through an entire pregnancy five times now! It really doesn't feel possible!
It's less than three weeks to the time in Nathan's pregnancy where my waters broke and he was born. My tiny little manny is getting not-so-tiny-any-more! He now weighs about 4.5lbs already, and is only a couple of inches short of normal newborn baby length!
I was so happy with my weight gain (yes, I started weighing myself at last, haha!) - at 29 weeks I had gained only 17lbs which is WAY less than any of my previous pregnancies (usually at this kind of stage I gave gained about a lb per week of pregnancy). At 31 weeks I had gained another 2lbs, putting my total gain at about 19lbs. I was really mainly weighing myself so soon after the previous time because I was so agog at the scales - still only 11 stone 5lbs! I think I was up to 13 stone last time - yikes!
This past week I have been feeling like there has been (yet another - there have been lots recently!) a major growth spurt going on for Samuel. Sure enough yesterday and the day before I felt horrible and sluggish and yucky, as I am becoming very familiar with over the years when my little ones have major growth spurts. I had no appetite and just felt exhausted and lethargic all the time. I slept like a log for hours any time I got chance, which believe me is a WONDERFUL improvement on the previous FOUR weeks, urgh! I have really struggled with insomnia this pregnancy, way more than the previous times, and pretty much only got one "good" night of sleep a week for a few weeks running (a good night is about 6 broken hours. It's wonderful in comparison with the 1-2 broken hours I was getting outside of that! I have no idea how I was functioning!).
Then today my appetite seemed better and I didn't feel gross and like a slug. At the same time I am just huffing and puffing around the house in an almost ridiculous manner. I just feel so huge, but I know it's not that I'm necessarily that HUGE, just that I have really grown in just a couple of days, so there's a certain adjustment to be made! I just can't stand being in the kitchen these days, because there's very little space in there to move about around our big family table in a small kitchen. It's cluttered and the floor is the laundry-sorting zone, and ugh. I can't get down to the floor (or up again if I should dare to try!), and I have to move chairs out of the way to get around the table to the sink! It drives me crazy and I just feel so HUGE and cumbersome. I'm also opening the fridge door against my bump and various similar silly things because I'm not used to how far it sticks out! Little manny has really grown suddenly.
Tonight I was feeling so heavy and large that I got to wondering if I had put on some more weight. My jeans are feeling tighter too. I was kind of taken aback to discover I now weigh exactly 12 stone - that's a gain of 9lbs since I weighed myself 9 days ago!!!!! Yikers. That explains a lot, and it should NOT be a big deal, but I am kind of bummed, just a little bit. Mainly because I wasn't expecting to put so much on so fast! And I was pretty glad to be gaining less this pregnancy. I think that puts my total gain now at 29lbs - getting close to the "one lb per week of pregnancy" thing again after all.
I am having a lot of pelvic and lower back pain if I move at all. It's worst when I move from being still for any length of time, but especially from lying on my side like at night or reclining in the evening. I have had quite a lot of pelvic/back pain this pregnancy but not in a way to make me feel like I'm having a hard time with it. It is there a lot, but sometimes it is worse than other times. Right now I guess my pelvis and back are under more strain suddenly with the fast weight gain? I don't know. Anyway, it's very painful to get up from lying down - mostly on my left side of my pelvis at the back. Samuel is mostly head down now at last (yay!) but I notice he does prefer to be oblique with his head in my left hip. I feel his head blipping against that hip (right IN it sometimes!) when he has hiccups. Sometimes I feel his head central in my pelvis when he is hiccuping but more often than not he is slightly oblique. Perhaps that's why that side of my pelvis is complaining so much?
The last two days I have also had some awful ligament pains just lying in bed. The searing type that are hard to breathe through. I usually would only get those twisting funny as I get up or something (which I am careful not to do!), but I was just lying in bed! I changed position but nothing made it go away, even hoisting my bump onto a little wedge-shaped pillow. Usually if I take the strain of my ligaments by supporting my bump or changing position, the searing pain fades off, but my guess is that it was something to do with a bigger-than-the-day-before baby in a slightly awkward position in there putting the strain on things. I had to get up and lean right forwards with my bump sort of "hanging" down in the end to get the pain to ease off, and then when I lay back down again it was okay. Weird! A few weeks ago that happened one time and when I felt my tummy, Samuel was transverse - head in my side and bottom in the other, which is where the pain was! Not this time though. I can't fathom how uncomfortable it must be to have a full-term baby in transverse position!
Admittedly I am snacking more during the evening these days! :S And I really am getting a sweet tooth again now too. Loving chocolate and mint imperials at the moment, but TRYING not to eat too much of the stuff! My appetite is pretty normal otherwise, and I'm eating normal sized portions of meals, not crazy pregnant lady sized portions like I have done with some of my other pregnancies! ;) Maybe that's still to come though? No cravings to report for a while now, but I'm enjoying food in general (unless I'm post-growth-spurt, in which case I don't want a THING to eat).
Samuel feels so much bigger in there lately! Even before the growth spurt he did. Now if I feel my tummy to check his position and find his head low and central, it feels SO WIDE compared to a few weeks ago! It seems to fill my pelvis much more. I don't think he's any lower though. He is usually high and free out of my pelvis still, or oblique. His movements are nearly all squirms and wiggles now, and I can really tell he has almost run out of space in there. No more big thumps or kicks, though he does try on occasion - when he does, it HURTS! There is not much room to give me a big kick, and he's much stronger than he used to be. It takes my breath away when he kicks me, but it's not very often now. I feel his fingers fidgetting and "pinging" at my insides sometimes. I love that feeling, because I like to be able to identify his little fingers just from the way it feels. I can't wait to kiss and stroke those tiny little fingies in a couple of months! It seems so surreal - I can hardly believe it's going to happen even! His feet are much bigger than they were a few weeks ago. Sometimes when he pushes one out high up near my ribs, I can almost take hold of it, and they are much more than an inch long now. A few days ago he was head down for a day or two, with his back along the right side of my bump. I am SURE he had one leg curled under him (which he could kick my ribs with - I can't believe my womb comes up so high now! I still have a hard time believing I am THIS far along already, so it's very surreal sometimes!), and the other leg splinted up his body. He would push both legs at the same time and one would poke my ribs upwards while the other pushed hard out of my side near my hip, low down. That low down foot was VERY uncomfortable when he pushed it out! I could feel with my hands that they were both feet though, so I'm sure that was his position.
I have my next midwife appointment at 34 weeks on November 1st. I MUST remember to ask for my maternity NHS exemption card and the grant thingy that I'm eligible for from 25 weeks (£190). We REALLY need any little bit of money we can find, and my last exemption card ran out in July when Benjamin turned one. I admit they didn't question my status when I went to the dentist a couple of weeks ago though, even without my card! ;) Free dental care for me, due to looking like the side of a house, haha! ;)
On November 4th I have my scan to check my placenta, and the consultant appointment after it. I wish Heather could go with me, but she can't this time. I will be going on my own so that Neil can watch the boys. I am noticing (over the past couple of weeks) that I am getting kind of anxious about the birth - specifically over the possibility of bleeding afterwards. Neil said last week that it must be getting time for me to write my birth plan, and I just did NOT want to think about it at all - that made me stop and think why not, because it was odd of me to feel that strongly when he mentioned it. I discovered I have been squashing down all sorts of anxious thoughts about it. Hmmm. I have random thoughts when doing things like ordering Christmas presents for the boys sometimes too - like, "I hope I'm still here to see him open this..." I know it sounds CRAZY but somewhere along the line I have got myself pretty scared of bleeding to DEATH when the placenta is delivered. Urgh. I think that's probably silly because I don't think it's likely that I would DIE from it if I did haemmorhage? I will ask the consultant to put my mind at rest! It would still be an emergency situation, obviously, but I don't think a fatal one if action was being taken, even in a homebirth situation (as the consultant told me last time). So I should get that kind of thought out of my head! I didn't even realise it was there until I stopped to question... so subtle and scary. I still feel very anxious about the birth - not the BIRTH itself, but my anxiety about the 3rd stage is high enough that I think it would begin to hinder me labouring and birthing effectively as the 2nd stage approached. Hmmm.
Once I had realised all this, I asked Neil to pray with me and he did. And as we prayed, God showed me that I have nothing to fear. Not because it'll all be fine and dandy, but because He loves me, and I am in His hands, and I can trust Him no matter what happens. Because His plan is perfect and good, and He has plans to prosper me and not to harm me. He is the Creator of the universe and there I was worrying about my placenta! Suddenly it seems so silly! ;) He also reminded me that He cares about the details, and He is more than able to handle it. So I felt MUCH better after that, but a week later the anxiety is creeping back.
I also decided that I would like to book a homebirth. The setting really doesn't matter to me, because the risk is no lower at home than at hospital, I live literally 5 minutes from a major hospital, and my anxiety over bleeding will honestly be just as high in hospital as at home. If all goes well and I DON'T bleed or need a manual removal of that extra lobe, I will be so so so so glad to be at home. There is a lot of stress and inconvenience for me with having a hospital birth, aside from the placenta issue this time around, so that has to be considered as well. If the scan and consultant appointment goes fine and he is still happy for me to give birth at home, I'll plan to do that. If he has reason to say I should not be at home, then I'll take that into proper consideration (and probably have a hospital birth). I decided I'll have a "managed" 3rd stage though, wherever I am. I didn't want to before, but I think it's probably for the best and it will lower my risk (at home or in hospital). I'm obviously praying that I will have NO excessive bleeding of any sort, and that my placenta just plops out intact, lobe and all, and that's it and all about it! But I am also praying that I might labour and give birth after the boys are in bed for the night this time, so that I can be downstairs in the living room. It's more open and less claustrophobic than the tiny bedroom I've recently moved into (I was in the bigger one for Benjamin's birth and even that wasn't too roomy when full of midwives!), and it's also right at the front door if I needed to transfer to hospital for any reason. The boys also would not have to see anything "difficult" if anything did go wrong.
Oh I so hope it doesn't! It really really makes no difference where I am, I just so want it all to go okay. The bleeding issue that everyone keeps on at me about is making me so anxious! :( The majority of these placentas do just pop out in one piece without any complications, but I know I have to be prepared for it not to as well. Please pray for me that it will be okay, and that I won't be scared, because I really sort of am.
My sweet little Samuel is awake suddenly and sweeping a tiny foot gently back and forth at the top of my bump. Okay less gently now, lol! I think because I am leaning forward over my bump to type this and he doesn't really like it when I squash my bump in any way now. I wonder how big he'll be when he's born?! I'm guessing over 8lbs for sure if he goes to my due date - well, mayyyybe not - Matthew was a week late and still only 7lbs 11oz... But I think it's more likely he'll weigh over 8lbs. I would love it if Benjamin remained the record holder though! ;) 8lbs 11oz is heavy enough for my little frame, even if it IS bigger than it used to be!
Okay I must go to bed. I'll update again soon! There's sure to be stuff I haven't said but I am purposely cutting this short so I can get some sleep now! Thanks for the comments on my last entry! :) Oh! I do have a 30 week belly picture which I haven't put on the computer yet (I'll get to it soon!), but I just realised I didn't get a 32 week one and I'm 33 weeks tomorrow! Poo! Oh well, maybe I'll get a 33 week one instead, and another at 34 weeks? I'll update with pics soon!
Saturday, 2 October 2010
29 weeks, 5 days
THIRTY weeks pregnant on Monday!!!! I always get excited about the 30s because that's definitely the "home stretch" - there's nothing left after the 30s except arriving at my due date! :)
I'm also so excited to have actually updated within a week of my last entry, haha! ;) Yay! I put the 28 week belly picture up in the gallery tonight, but I've just realised that I MUST remember to take another one in a few days for 30 weeks! I really really want to keep up with the remaining belly pics for the rest of this pregnancy. It's all going by so fast and I want memories to LOOK at! I'm loving it so much...
Well, I have had an interesting week, pregnancy-wise! It's been a really stressy week and quite intensive physically too, given that we've moved the bedrooms round in preparation for Samuel's arrival (the boys are finally in their new bedroom and no longer sleeping on the living room floor - hoorah!), and THEN we had some sweet friends come round and help us lay laminate floor in our living room and porch! Well, I say "help" but actually Neil was in charge of occupying the boys (taking them out for a whole day by himself one of the two days it was being laid!) and I was only slightly helping with the floor, since they wouldn't let me do much because I'm pregnant! Sooooooooo sweet of them, and Neil was a wonder man with the boys. Now we have beautiful new floor and are working on getting the furniture (and contents) back to normal all over the house. We had stuff piled EVERYWHERE to get it all out of the living room for a few days. It was NO FUN but soooooo worth it, and I'm so grateful! :)
I found it really stressy having everything in upheaval in my home when I'm huge and hormonal and getting distinctly nesty. I spent a lot of time packing things in boxes and carrying SMALL (!) piles of things from bedroom to bedroom, and rebuilding the bunk beds, etc. And one evening I had bad backache and very strong Braxton Hicks contractions that started late afternoon and by the boys' bedtime I wasn't feeling very well. I felt sort of faint and queasy. I had a bath but didn't feel better, and then I just lay down in the junk room that was the boys'-bedroom-to-be (while they slept on the living room floor) and tried to relax. My Braxton Hicks ranged from bothersomely uncomfortable (distracting me from things) to painful, and they were regular, coming between 2 and 3.5 minutes apart and lasting anywhere between 45 seconds and 1.5 minutes. Not ideal! But even as I tried to relax for the entire evening, they kept on like that without stopping. By 9.45pm it had been over an hour, so I went to Contraction Master online and started to time them properly. Regular as clockwork, very close together and stronger than I'm used to as far as Braxton Hicks go. I still didn't feel well either. I wondered if it could have been down to dehydration so I started to drink water at that point. I hadn't had much to drink and I'd done lots of stuff that made me sweat a lot during the afternoon.
By 11pm I was feeling MUCH better, but the contractions were continuing to come frequently and regularly. I posted at Facebook about it and people were saying I should phone the midwife, but I was reluctant because they DID still feel like Braxton Hicks (and hadn't got stronger over the hours), albeit strong ones, and I just REALLY didn't want the midwife to say I should go into hospital to be checked at 11pm! I just wanted to go to bed, I was so tired! I happened to find an email from Heather (my doula) and replied to it, and ended up writing all about the Braxton Hicks and the way I had been feeling that evening. I knew she wouldn't get it till the next morning, but I felt better for just SAYING to someone about it and then going to bed.
I wasn't particularly bothered by Braxton Hicks during the night whenever I was up with Benjamin, and the next morning all seemed calm. Heather phoned to say that she was going to a meeting at the hospital with the Head of Midwifery and would I like her to mention my Braxton Hicks and see if she had any advice? I had some fairly strong Braxton Hicks through the day but quite far and few between really, not frequent or regular, so that was okay. Heather phoned later in the day to have a long chat. She had seen two different midwives in management at the hospital and asked each of them about my placenta (Heather is brilliant!), and also mentioned my Braxton Hicks. She said they were not concerned, though it was not normal, because it hadn't progressed into anything and had all cleared up overnight, but if it happened again before my consultant appointment on Thursday (a couple of days later) I should probably phone labour ward and perhaps go in to be checked if they suggest it, just to rule out two possible causes: UTI or constipation. I had no symptoms of a urine infection, but hmmmm, I'm nearly always constipated, pregnant or not. I just hadn't given it any thought as a cause since it's a norm for me.
That day I did much less active stuff and was more careful! But as I was putting Benjamin to bed, right on cue the Braxton Hicks began again, close together and quite strong. This time I chose to ignore them as much as I possibly could and just do my normal thing. It helped that I felt well that evening, and not yucky and weak like the evening before. I know I'm stubborn and should probably have phoned the midwife or something, but I honestly felt that it would turn out to be nothing and I did NOT want to go in for monitoring when it was 99% likely to be just that, late at night! So I ignored it, mostly! I didn't time them, but they came pretty frequently. I just relaxed and pootled about online and drank lots of water, and then went to bed when bedtime came along. Sure enough, in the night and the next day - no significant Braxton Hicks :) That day we were laying laminate floor and I constantly felt like I needed to go to the loo and felt quite uncomfy, but never really had the chance to go. By the afternoon the Braxton Hicks started up again, earlier than the previous times, and they were pretty strong by the evening. THEN I finally went for a BM and lo and behold, calm womb since then! So I guess it must have been related. The midwife said that the more babies you have, the more your uterus can become irritable. Things that can irritate it might affect it more with a 5th baby than with the 2nd, for example, so I guess it makes sense! I'm glad it has calmed down though!
The other big thing this week was my consultant appointment. Heather had spoken to a friend of hers who is a very experienced independent midwife, about my succenturiate placenta (that is, a placenta with an extra lobe in a different part of the womb, attached to the main placenta by membranes and blood vessels). She was at a homebirth a few towns away from here last Tuesday and afterwards she was talking to the two midwives there and asked them about me and my succenturiate placenta. She had also discussed it with the Head of Midwifery at the hospital and another midwife there who is pretty high up in management and very experienced. She asked all of them whether this type of placenta precludes having a homebirth. The midwives at the homebirth were from a different hospital to my local one, and were very wary of the idea of a homebirth with a succenturiate placenta. Heather asked what they considered the risks to be, and they listed all these disaster scenarios which had Heather wondering if it was really going to be a BAD idea for me to give birth anywhere except the hospital! Then she asked them how often they'd seen any of those things happen, and they said, "Oh, we've never actually SEEN it happen..." So she supposed that must mean they hadn't actually experienced a succenturiate placenta before, and at that they both said that they'd seen LOTS, but that they had no idea the women HAD a succenturiate placenta in any of the cases - they only discovered it when the placenta popped out with an extra lobe attached to it and they went, "Oooh look!" So that made Heather (and me!) feel better! ;)
The Head of Midwifery and the other "high up" (!) midwife at the hospital both said, "Absolutely not!" when Heather asked them if a succenturiate placenta precludes having a homebirth, and that was encouraging too! They said that it depends on lots of factors - where the placenta is located, where the lobe is located, how many lobes there are, how big they are, the baby's position, etc. Those would be the determining factors in whether to opt for a homebirth or hospital birth. They suggested that I might want to ask the consultant if I can have a scan later in my pregnancy to get some more information about my placenta to help assess the risks. Great idea! I've never had a late pregnancy scan before! :)
So on Thursday morning Neil and I frantically tried to corral kiddies around the task of laying the edging to the new floor (we did not pull this off!) and I ended up setting off to pick Heather up for my appointment leaving Neil with a bad headache (poor love!), 4 "battery" children (having been cooped up in only the upstairs for over 24 hours by then!), a partly finished, very dusty floor, and no furniture at all in the only room that I'd be bringing Heather back to in a couple of hours (we'd arranged a while back that she'd come home with me to see the boys, as they LOVE her and have been longing to see her, and it has been a while!)! I felt so bad leaving but I had to go to my appointment.
It being a consultant appointment, we had to wait AGES as usual, but that was fine. We chatted a lot and Heather knitted. We talked about births a lot - Heather has seen such a lot of gorgeous births, and is a brilliant advocate for change in supporting women's desires for their birth experiences. In August she and an expectant couple made history at our local hospital by having the first ever twin waterbirth in the midwife-led unit!!! Yay for Heather! :) The mother turned up 9cm dilated (having opted to labour at home as long as possible), got straight in the water, pushed out the first twin and then pushed out the second! Brilliant! :) She was 39 weeks and 2 days, and had refused to be induced when they say you have to with twins, at 38 weeks. Two perfect healthy baby girls - 6lbs 8oz and 7lbs 4oz! They went home a few hours later! Amazing, and just how it should be! :) How exciting would that have been to be present at?!?! The midwives must have been on a high for ages! :)
Anyway, I digress! We finally saw my very lovely consultant - the same one we saw last time at 18 weeks. He was very laid-back and supportive as before, and surprised us both by saying he did not feel that I HAD to have a hospital birth at all, but like the Head of Midwifery said, it would depend on many factors. I asked if I could have a scan and he immediately agreed. He said that my 20-week scan indicated that both the placenta and the lobe are high up, at the top of the uterus - my placenta on the front and the lobe on the back. This removes the main risk factor, of bleeding occuring during labour or when the waters break, since it's all up out of the way. The only risk factor he sees is the lobe not coming away and thus me having a big old haemmorrhage. He said that usually the lobe comes away. But sometimes it doesn't. Which sort of sums it up, in a nutshell! ;)
He asked if I had any questions and in my head there was this sort of chirping crickets sound as they both looked at me - my head just felt EMPTY! I had a total pregnancy brain moment! So he changed the question to, "What are your thoughts?" and again, tumbleweeds rolling... I had to admit to having no thoughts of any sort in my head at all, other than the thought of being embarrassed to be having such a brainless moment, haha! Thankfully Heather stepped in and started asking a ton of questions while I listened and took in the answers! So glad she was with me! :)
She asked what the procedure would be in hospital if I bleed, and exactly how they would treat me. Then she asked how that would differ at home. It turns out that the midwives can do exactly the same thing for me at home as they would do in hospital - the only difference is that at home it would be without doctors, and in hospital there would be some around to look after me if there was a problem. If I had a heavy bleed at home, they would immediately call for an ambulance and set up an intravenous drip (which Heather confirmed with him that they'd be able to do for me at home in an emergency) to give me fluids. The ambulance crew would take over when they arrived and I would be transferred to hospital. If I was stable before the ambulance turned up, I would still need a transfer for observation and a thorough examination. The other thing the consultant said they have at the hospital that they wouldn't have at home is blood, if I should need it. I got decidedly nervous as we discussed the rest of the worst-case scenario stuff! I asked if I needed a transfer from home, what they would DO for me. He said, "They'll resuscitate you with fluids until you get to hospital and then we can give you blood." That sentence did not make me feel good! :S I am not crazy about the words "resuscitate" and "blood" in the same sentence in application to myself!
I told Heather that, to be honest, it really makes no difference to me WHERE I give birth, as far as anxiety over bleeding goes. I am just plain SCARED of bleeding heavily when the placenta is delivered, whether I'm at home or in the hospital. I don't want to bleed heavily anywhere! The consultant did also say that he would definitely like a managed 3rd stage. They pretty much would want to administer the syntometrine jab immediately that the baby was born to reduce the risk as much as possible, and I'm beginning to just think that's the best thing to do. I would like Samuel to get more blood from my placenta before the cord is cut, but I'll discuss that in more detail with him next time I see him perhaps. Even a minute is better than no time, for Samuel. So long as it doesn't put me at risk I guess.
The other possibility is that the placenta is delivered with no heavy bleed, but the lobe does not come with it all the same, and remains inside. Then I would need a transfer to hospital (if I have a homebirth) to go into theatre for a manual removal of the lobe. Which I am not excited about! So I really really really REALLY hope the whole thing just plops out and I don't bleed, and that's it and all about it! I am still not sure WHERE to give birth, and I am not keen to make the decision right now because I'm anxious, and it's not a good idea to make a decision based on anxiety. I need to PRAY about and seek the Lord - see what He wants me to do.
The consultant has booked me in for a scan at 34 weeks, a few days before Arthur's birthday, on November 4th. It's not until 4.30pm but even so, I will see the consultant right after my scan. I hope it won't be a long wait because that's a fiddly time of day with the little ones! Neil might even have a job by then and I can't fathom taking 4 little children to a maternity unit waiting room on my own at 34 weeks pregnant, being unable to "parent" them whilst being scanned, and then waiting to see the consultant and actually being able to discuss it with him once in the room, with allllll the boys there, late for their dinner, tired and cranky! :S Heather is unable to come with me as she's going to be in Norfolk on that day, and I'm sad about that, but hopefully it'll be straightforward and go okay, and I won't have too much pregnancy brain! ;)
Obviously the scan is to focus in detail on my placenta, but I know I'll get a sneak peek at my sweet tiny, and I am so excited about that!!! :D I had no idea I'd get to see him again before his arrival - what a bonus! :) Love my tiny new manny! I hope I see his dear little face. I think about his face a lot, because I remember his facial features from the last scan and I just. fell. in love. with that teeny little boy when I saw his face in grainy 3D. He's the cutest pie and I love him completely! I can't wait to meet him!
Samuel's name is still unknown to my other children. Thankfully they still haven't asked! :) I talk to him when he wiggles and call him by name when the boys aren't around, usually in the evening after they've gone to bed. He often gets called Samuel-Bamuel, or Samble when I am feeling soppy and rubbing his little feet as he pushes them out against my tummy. *sigh* I adore being pregnant. The boy is destined to have a squillion strange and soppy nicknames just like my other little ones! ;)
One of the things the consultant reminded me about was the whole position thing - that I would need to come and see him again if the baby was not in a good position for birth late in pregnancy. He said the same last time. He says it because I've had lots of babies and that means it's more likely that I could have a baby in any old position when it comes time to give birth! So I told him that Samuel was head down last week at my 28-week appointment. He started to feel low down on my tummy and into my pelvis for Samuel's head. The room went all quiet while he felt about. Bit higher? Bit higher still? He stood back and looked at my tummy, then started again up near my ribs, where I remember thinking it felt a bit tender, took a gentle hold of a sort of orange-sized part in my right side with finger and thumb, and said, "There's a head here!" :) Soooo, not head down any more then! Samuel was lying oblique with his head against my ribs right out in my side, and his bottom sat squarely on my left hip. Boy can he kick my cervix good from that position! He wasn't worried about the position, and said there was plenty of time for him to turn head down, and he'd check him next time.
Later that evening Samuel was so busy in there, and I thought maybe he'd changed position but I could still feel his head in the same place up high. Next morning (yesterday) it wasn't there! I could feel it low down with his feet kicking me in my left side when I checked my tummy. I was pretty pleased, but by the evening I couldn't find anything solid low down when I checked, just a sort of wiggly bunch of grapes, hehe! Lo and behold there was a sweet little boulder smack dab in the centre of my bump under my rib cage. Why don't I feel him swing round like that?! Seems crazy to me that he can make such big movements and I don't know about it! I did see him turn round at the 20 week scan though, and I remember it clearly because of how neatly he did it. Others of my babies have flipped with a big movement at scans and I have felt it clearly, but Samuel turned so quickly and neatly that I didn't even feel it, even though I was watching it on the screen and could feel other typical movements he was making like kicks and such. He was lying pretty spread out, and then made a quick movement, tucking himself into a ball and sort of ducking round and stretching back out again - all in one quick move without any great effort or rippling of my tummy, and yet he was flipped right round the other way once he'd done it! So maybe that's how he's wiggling about into all sorts of positions in there? He tucks and rolls! :)
Tonight while I was nursing Benjamin at bedtime, Samuel woke up (he often does as I'm doing that, which is lovely!) and started to move about, and I noticed there was a very "feety" feel to the movements up near my ribs. After Benjamin was asleep I lay down and checked his position, and he's head down again :) His head actually feels lower than I've known it before. I can't feel all of it and it doesn't move much if I gently push on one side. Funny little boy - he certainly likes to move about in there! I don't mind where he sits for now, so long as he settles on head DOWN in the last few weeks, and ideally well before then because I'm sure it's going to get increasingly uncomfy to have him turning around as he gets bigger!
He feels so BIG this week in there. I am waddling all the time now. The back of my pelvis hurts a lot when I walk and it's just so much easier to walk slowly with my legs not all that close together, lol! The less scissory movements I do with my legs the less uncomfortable it is. So I sort of stump along like a penguin around the house. I try a bit harder to look vaguely dignified if I'm out and about though! ;) The boys comment frequently now on the size of my tummy. Benjamin surprised me by lifting my top for milk the other day (I don't let him totally help himself, but if he lifts the hem of my top and says, "Gick" or "Gilk" then we know between us that he is asking me for milky :) I always oblige, but this one time as I offered him the breast, instead of joyfully latching on, he seemed to do a double-take as he leaned over my tummy and just STARED at it, haha! He started patting it and as he was getting a bit over-zealous with the patting I said, "Be gentle with Mummy's tummy - there's a baby inside!" I knew he wouldn't understand me, but he gave me a look of clear understanding, smiled, looked down at my tummy and laid his hand on it, and said, "Bah-bee!" Since then he often lifts my top to pat my tummy and say, "Bah-bee!" with enthusiasm. So sweet!! It's my very first experience like this because until now, ALL my previous youngest little ones have not been able to talk yet when I've been big and pregnant. Benjamin's younger than any of them were at this stage even, but he has tons of words and seems to understand an awful lot of things we say. Of course he has NO IDEA what it really means that there's a baby in Mummy's tummy - he will find out in December, hehe! So sweet anyway! :)
Well there's probably more to say but I think I've written enough for one entry, and it's late now so I'll go to bed! I am not being too good with my bedtimes lately, so I need to sort that out! Once the house stuff is more sorted (and it's nearly there!!!), I will breathe a huge sigh of relief. I'm just SO GLAD and thankful that all this upheaval is happening at 29 weeks and not 35 weeks - BIG difference! And that's when stuff tends to be left until, so I'm really really really glad about it happening earlier this time! There's still plenty of stuff to be done though, so I'm sure I'll still be in the thick of it at 35 weeks - hopefully not to stressy about it by then though! Once the house stuff settles down I will feel more able to get on with the next stage of preparing for Samuel's arrival - making lists of things to get sorted and so on. I am already beginning to fidget wanting to get that stuff sorted in my head and listing it and working on checking off lists, but I am not letting myself just yet. There is still too much going on with the big changes in the house, and I think it's not wise to start trying to organise a lot of other big stuff while the house stuff hasn't quite finished being sorted yet.
Anyway! Enough for tonight! I will update again soon, and try my best to remember a 30 week belly picture! :) Thanks so much for the comments, especially about the placenta issue - so interesting to read others' experiences and thoughts on the subject! xx
I'm also so excited to have actually updated within a week of my last entry, haha! ;) Yay! I put the 28 week belly picture up in the gallery tonight, but I've just realised that I MUST remember to take another one in a few days for 30 weeks! I really really want to keep up with the remaining belly pics for the rest of this pregnancy. It's all going by so fast and I want memories to LOOK at! I'm loving it so much...
Well, I have had an interesting week, pregnancy-wise! It's been a really stressy week and quite intensive physically too, given that we've moved the bedrooms round in preparation for Samuel's arrival (the boys are finally in their new bedroom and no longer sleeping on the living room floor - hoorah!), and THEN we had some sweet friends come round and help us lay laminate floor in our living room and porch! Well, I say "help" but actually Neil was in charge of occupying the boys (taking them out for a whole day by himself one of the two days it was being laid!) and I was only slightly helping with the floor, since they wouldn't let me do much because I'm pregnant! Sooooooooo sweet of them, and Neil was a wonder man with the boys. Now we have beautiful new floor and are working on getting the furniture (and contents) back to normal all over the house. We had stuff piled EVERYWHERE to get it all out of the living room for a few days. It was NO FUN but soooooo worth it, and I'm so grateful! :)
I found it really stressy having everything in upheaval in my home when I'm huge and hormonal and getting distinctly nesty. I spent a lot of time packing things in boxes and carrying SMALL (!) piles of things from bedroom to bedroom, and rebuilding the bunk beds, etc. And one evening I had bad backache and very strong Braxton Hicks contractions that started late afternoon and by the boys' bedtime I wasn't feeling very well. I felt sort of faint and queasy. I had a bath but didn't feel better, and then I just lay down in the junk room that was the boys'-bedroom-to-be (while they slept on the living room floor) and tried to relax. My Braxton Hicks ranged from bothersomely uncomfortable (distracting me from things) to painful, and they were regular, coming between 2 and 3.5 minutes apart and lasting anywhere between 45 seconds and 1.5 minutes. Not ideal! But even as I tried to relax for the entire evening, they kept on like that without stopping. By 9.45pm it had been over an hour, so I went to Contraction Master online and started to time them properly. Regular as clockwork, very close together and stronger than I'm used to as far as Braxton Hicks go. I still didn't feel well either. I wondered if it could have been down to dehydration so I started to drink water at that point. I hadn't had much to drink and I'd done lots of stuff that made me sweat a lot during the afternoon.
By 11pm I was feeling MUCH better, but the contractions were continuing to come frequently and regularly. I posted at Facebook about it and people were saying I should phone the midwife, but I was reluctant because they DID still feel like Braxton Hicks (and hadn't got stronger over the hours), albeit strong ones, and I just REALLY didn't want the midwife to say I should go into hospital to be checked at 11pm! I just wanted to go to bed, I was so tired! I happened to find an email from Heather (my doula) and replied to it, and ended up writing all about the Braxton Hicks and the way I had been feeling that evening. I knew she wouldn't get it till the next morning, but I felt better for just SAYING to someone about it and then going to bed.
I wasn't particularly bothered by Braxton Hicks during the night whenever I was up with Benjamin, and the next morning all seemed calm. Heather phoned to say that she was going to a meeting at the hospital with the Head of Midwifery and would I like her to mention my Braxton Hicks and see if she had any advice? I had some fairly strong Braxton Hicks through the day but quite far and few between really, not frequent or regular, so that was okay. Heather phoned later in the day to have a long chat. She had seen two different midwives in management at the hospital and asked each of them about my placenta (Heather is brilliant!), and also mentioned my Braxton Hicks. She said they were not concerned, though it was not normal, because it hadn't progressed into anything and had all cleared up overnight, but if it happened again before my consultant appointment on Thursday (a couple of days later) I should probably phone labour ward and perhaps go in to be checked if they suggest it, just to rule out two possible causes: UTI or constipation. I had no symptoms of a urine infection, but hmmmm, I'm nearly always constipated, pregnant or not. I just hadn't given it any thought as a cause since it's a norm for me.
That day I did much less active stuff and was more careful! But as I was putting Benjamin to bed, right on cue the Braxton Hicks began again, close together and quite strong. This time I chose to ignore them as much as I possibly could and just do my normal thing. It helped that I felt well that evening, and not yucky and weak like the evening before. I know I'm stubborn and should probably have phoned the midwife or something, but I honestly felt that it would turn out to be nothing and I did NOT want to go in for monitoring when it was 99% likely to be just that, late at night! So I ignored it, mostly! I didn't time them, but they came pretty frequently. I just relaxed and pootled about online and drank lots of water, and then went to bed when bedtime came along. Sure enough, in the night and the next day - no significant Braxton Hicks :) That day we were laying laminate floor and I constantly felt like I needed to go to the loo and felt quite uncomfy, but never really had the chance to go. By the afternoon the Braxton Hicks started up again, earlier than the previous times, and they were pretty strong by the evening. THEN I finally went for a BM and lo and behold, calm womb since then! So I guess it must have been related. The midwife said that the more babies you have, the more your uterus can become irritable. Things that can irritate it might affect it more with a 5th baby than with the 2nd, for example, so I guess it makes sense! I'm glad it has calmed down though!
The other big thing this week was my consultant appointment. Heather had spoken to a friend of hers who is a very experienced independent midwife, about my succenturiate placenta (that is, a placenta with an extra lobe in a different part of the womb, attached to the main placenta by membranes and blood vessels). She was at a homebirth a few towns away from here last Tuesday and afterwards she was talking to the two midwives there and asked them about me and my succenturiate placenta. She had also discussed it with the Head of Midwifery at the hospital and another midwife there who is pretty high up in management and very experienced. She asked all of them whether this type of placenta precludes having a homebirth. The midwives at the homebirth were from a different hospital to my local one, and were very wary of the idea of a homebirth with a succenturiate placenta. Heather asked what they considered the risks to be, and they listed all these disaster scenarios which had Heather wondering if it was really going to be a BAD idea for me to give birth anywhere except the hospital! Then she asked them how often they'd seen any of those things happen, and they said, "Oh, we've never actually SEEN it happen..." So she supposed that must mean they hadn't actually experienced a succenturiate placenta before, and at that they both said that they'd seen LOTS, but that they had no idea the women HAD a succenturiate placenta in any of the cases - they only discovered it when the placenta popped out with an extra lobe attached to it and they went, "Oooh look!" So that made Heather (and me!) feel better! ;)
The Head of Midwifery and the other "high up" (!) midwife at the hospital both said, "Absolutely not!" when Heather asked them if a succenturiate placenta precludes having a homebirth, and that was encouraging too! They said that it depends on lots of factors - where the placenta is located, where the lobe is located, how many lobes there are, how big they are, the baby's position, etc. Those would be the determining factors in whether to opt for a homebirth or hospital birth. They suggested that I might want to ask the consultant if I can have a scan later in my pregnancy to get some more information about my placenta to help assess the risks. Great idea! I've never had a late pregnancy scan before! :)
So on Thursday morning Neil and I frantically tried to corral kiddies around the task of laying the edging to the new floor (we did not pull this off!) and I ended up setting off to pick Heather up for my appointment leaving Neil with a bad headache (poor love!), 4 "battery" children (having been cooped up in only the upstairs for over 24 hours by then!), a partly finished, very dusty floor, and no furniture at all in the only room that I'd be bringing Heather back to in a couple of hours (we'd arranged a while back that she'd come home with me to see the boys, as they LOVE her and have been longing to see her, and it has been a while!)! I felt so bad leaving but I had to go to my appointment.
It being a consultant appointment, we had to wait AGES as usual, but that was fine. We chatted a lot and Heather knitted. We talked about births a lot - Heather has seen such a lot of gorgeous births, and is a brilliant advocate for change in supporting women's desires for their birth experiences. In August she and an expectant couple made history at our local hospital by having the first ever twin waterbirth in the midwife-led unit!!! Yay for Heather! :) The mother turned up 9cm dilated (having opted to labour at home as long as possible), got straight in the water, pushed out the first twin and then pushed out the second! Brilliant! :) She was 39 weeks and 2 days, and had refused to be induced when they say you have to with twins, at 38 weeks. Two perfect healthy baby girls - 6lbs 8oz and 7lbs 4oz! They went home a few hours later! Amazing, and just how it should be! :) How exciting would that have been to be present at?!?! The midwives must have been on a high for ages! :)
Anyway, I digress! We finally saw my very lovely consultant - the same one we saw last time at 18 weeks. He was very laid-back and supportive as before, and surprised us both by saying he did not feel that I HAD to have a hospital birth at all, but like the Head of Midwifery said, it would depend on many factors. I asked if I could have a scan and he immediately agreed. He said that my 20-week scan indicated that both the placenta and the lobe are high up, at the top of the uterus - my placenta on the front and the lobe on the back. This removes the main risk factor, of bleeding occuring during labour or when the waters break, since it's all up out of the way. The only risk factor he sees is the lobe not coming away and thus me having a big old haemmorrhage. He said that usually the lobe comes away. But sometimes it doesn't. Which sort of sums it up, in a nutshell! ;)
He asked if I had any questions and in my head there was this sort of chirping crickets sound as they both looked at me - my head just felt EMPTY! I had a total pregnancy brain moment! So he changed the question to, "What are your thoughts?" and again, tumbleweeds rolling... I had to admit to having no thoughts of any sort in my head at all, other than the thought of being embarrassed to be having such a brainless moment, haha! Thankfully Heather stepped in and started asking a ton of questions while I listened and took in the answers! So glad she was with me! :)
She asked what the procedure would be in hospital if I bleed, and exactly how they would treat me. Then she asked how that would differ at home. It turns out that the midwives can do exactly the same thing for me at home as they would do in hospital - the only difference is that at home it would be without doctors, and in hospital there would be some around to look after me if there was a problem. If I had a heavy bleed at home, they would immediately call for an ambulance and set up an intravenous drip (which Heather confirmed with him that they'd be able to do for me at home in an emergency) to give me fluids. The ambulance crew would take over when they arrived and I would be transferred to hospital. If I was stable before the ambulance turned up, I would still need a transfer for observation and a thorough examination. The other thing the consultant said they have at the hospital that they wouldn't have at home is blood, if I should need it. I got decidedly nervous as we discussed the rest of the worst-case scenario stuff! I asked if I needed a transfer from home, what they would DO for me. He said, "They'll resuscitate you with fluids until you get to hospital and then we can give you blood." That sentence did not make me feel good! :S I am not crazy about the words "resuscitate" and "blood" in the same sentence in application to myself!
I told Heather that, to be honest, it really makes no difference to me WHERE I give birth, as far as anxiety over bleeding goes. I am just plain SCARED of bleeding heavily when the placenta is delivered, whether I'm at home or in the hospital. I don't want to bleed heavily anywhere! The consultant did also say that he would definitely like a managed 3rd stage. They pretty much would want to administer the syntometrine jab immediately that the baby was born to reduce the risk as much as possible, and I'm beginning to just think that's the best thing to do. I would like Samuel to get more blood from my placenta before the cord is cut, but I'll discuss that in more detail with him next time I see him perhaps. Even a minute is better than no time, for Samuel. So long as it doesn't put me at risk I guess.
The other possibility is that the placenta is delivered with no heavy bleed, but the lobe does not come with it all the same, and remains inside. Then I would need a transfer to hospital (if I have a homebirth) to go into theatre for a manual removal of the lobe. Which I am not excited about! So I really really really REALLY hope the whole thing just plops out and I don't bleed, and that's it and all about it! I am still not sure WHERE to give birth, and I am not keen to make the decision right now because I'm anxious, and it's not a good idea to make a decision based on anxiety. I need to PRAY about and seek the Lord - see what He wants me to do.
The consultant has booked me in for a scan at 34 weeks, a few days before Arthur's birthday, on November 4th. It's not until 4.30pm but even so, I will see the consultant right after my scan. I hope it won't be a long wait because that's a fiddly time of day with the little ones! Neil might even have a job by then and I can't fathom taking 4 little children to a maternity unit waiting room on my own at 34 weeks pregnant, being unable to "parent" them whilst being scanned, and then waiting to see the consultant and actually being able to discuss it with him once in the room, with allllll the boys there, late for their dinner, tired and cranky! :S Heather is unable to come with me as she's going to be in Norfolk on that day, and I'm sad about that, but hopefully it'll be straightforward and go okay, and I won't have too much pregnancy brain! ;)
Obviously the scan is to focus in detail on my placenta, but I know I'll get a sneak peek at my sweet tiny, and I am so excited about that!!! :D I had no idea I'd get to see him again before his arrival - what a bonus! :) Love my tiny new manny! I hope I see his dear little face. I think about his face a lot, because I remember his facial features from the last scan and I just. fell. in love. with that teeny little boy when I saw his face in grainy 3D. He's the cutest pie and I love him completely! I can't wait to meet him!
Samuel's name is still unknown to my other children. Thankfully they still haven't asked! :) I talk to him when he wiggles and call him by name when the boys aren't around, usually in the evening after they've gone to bed. He often gets called Samuel-Bamuel, or Samble when I am feeling soppy and rubbing his little feet as he pushes them out against my tummy. *sigh* I adore being pregnant. The boy is destined to have a squillion strange and soppy nicknames just like my other little ones! ;)
One of the things the consultant reminded me about was the whole position thing - that I would need to come and see him again if the baby was not in a good position for birth late in pregnancy. He said the same last time. He says it because I've had lots of babies and that means it's more likely that I could have a baby in any old position when it comes time to give birth! So I told him that Samuel was head down last week at my 28-week appointment. He started to feel low down on my tummy and into my pelvis for Samuel's head. The room went all quiet while he felt about. Bit higher? Bit higher still? He stood back and looked at my tummy, then started again up near my ribs, where I remember thinking it felt a bit tender, took a gentle hold of a sort of orange-sized part in my right side with finger and thumb, and said, "There's a head here!" :) Soooo, not head down any more then! Samuel was lying oblique with his head against my ribs right out in my side, and his bottom sat squarely on my left hip. Boy can he kick my cervix good from that position! He wasn't worried about the position, and said there was plenty of time for him to turn head down, and he'd check him next time.
Later that evening Samuel was so busy in there, and I thought maybe he'd changed position but I could still feel his head in the same place up high. Next morning (yesterday) it wasn't there! I could feel it low down with his feet kicking me in my left side when I checked my tummy. I was pretty pleased, but by the evening I couldn't find anything solid low down when I checked, just a sort of wiggly bunch of grapes, hehe! Lo and behold there was a sweet little boulder smack dab in the centre of my bump under my rib cage. Why don't I feel him swing round like that?! Seems crazy to me that he can make such big movements and I don't know about it! I did see him turn round at the 20 week scan though, and I remember it clearly because of how neatly he did it. Others of my babies have flipped with a big movement at scans and I have felt it clearly, but Samuel turned so quickly and neatly that I didn't even feel it, even though I was watching it on the screen and could feel other typical movements he was making like kicks and such. He was lying pretty spread out, and then made a quick movement, tucking himself into a ball and sort of ducking round and stretching back out again - all in one quick move without any great effort or rippling of my tummy, and yet he was flipped right round the other way once he'd done it! So maybe that's how he's wiggling about into all sorts of positions in there? He tucks and rolls! :)
Tonight while I was nursing Benjamin at bedtime, Samuel woke up (he often does as I'm doing that, which is lovely!) and started to move about, and I noticed there was a very "feety" feel to the movements up near my ribs. After Benjamin was asleep I lay down and checked his position, and he's head down again :) His head actually feels lower than I've known it before. I can't feel all of it and it doesn't move much if I gently push on one side. Funny little boy - he certainly likes to move about in there! I don't mind where he sits for now, so long as he settles on head DOWN in the last few weeks, and ideally well before then because I'm sure it's going to get increasingly uncomfy to have him turning around as he gets bigger!
He feels so BIG this week in there. I am waddling all the time now. The back of my pelvis hurts a lot when I walk and it's just so much easier to walk slowly with my legs not all that close together, lol! The less scissory movements I do with my legs the less uncomfortable it is. So I sort of stump along like a penguin around the house. I try a bit harder to look vaguely dignified if I'm out and about though! ;) The boys comment frequently now on the size of my tummy. Benjamin surprised me by lifting my top for milk the other day (I don't let him totally help himself, but if he lifts the hem of my top and says, "Gick" or "Gilk" then we know between us that he is asking me for milky :) I always oblige, but this one time as I offered him the breast, instead of joyfully latching on, he seemed to do a double-take as he leaned over my tummy and just STARED at it, haha! He started patting it and as he was getting a bit over-zealous with the patting I said, "Be gentle with Mummy's tummy - there's a baby inside!" I knew he wouldn't understand me, but he gave me a look of clear understanding, smiled, looked down at my tummy and laid his hand on it, and said, "Bah-bee!" Since then he often lifts my top to pat my tummy and say, "Bah-bee!" with enthusiasm. So sweet!! It's my very first experience like this because until now, ALL my previous youngest little ones have not been able to talk yet when I've been big and pregnant. Benjamin's younger than any of them were at this stage even, but he has tons of words and seems to understand an awful lot of things we say. Of course he has NO IDEA what it really means that there's a baby in Mummy's tummy - he will find out in December, hehe! So sweet anyway! :)
Well there's probably more to say but I think I've written enough for one entry, and it's late now so I'll go to bed! I am not being too good with my bedtimes lately, so I need to sort that out! Once the house stuff is more sorted (and it's nearly there!!!), I will breathe a huge sigh of relief. I'm just SO GLAD and thankful that all this upheaval is happening at 29 weeks and not 35 weeks - BIG difference! And that's when stuff tends to be left until, so I'm really really really glad about it happening earlier this time! There's still plenty of stuff to be done though, so I'm sure I'll still be in the thick of it at 35 weeks - hopefully not to stressy about it by then though! Once the house stuff settles down I will feel more able to get on with the next stage of preparing for Samuel's arrival - making lists of things to get sorted and so on. I am already beginning to fidget wanting to get that stuff sorted in my head and listing it and working on checking off lists, but I am not letting myself just yet. There is still too much going on with the big changes in the house, and I think it's not wise to start trying to organise a lot of other big stuff while the house stuff hasn't quite finished being sorted yet.
Anyway! Enough for tonight! I will update again soon, and try my best to remember a 30 week belly picture! :) Thanks so much for the comments, especially about the placenta issue - so interesting to read others' experiences and thoughts on the subject! xx
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