9DPO - reeeally confused! :/

 So it's much earlier than I said I would update, but having updated my chart this morning, there's so much stuff that will make people go, "Woohoo!!" followed by, "Oh no!" followed by, "What the...?!" So I figured I had better come here and explain my chart, hehe!

I am so confused this morning. M temperature dropped, and I am frustrated again, because I didn't have a good run of sleep leading to temp time (lots of wakings from little ones, especially very near to waking for the day, etc.) and then Lydia and I were woken AN HOUR AND A HALF EARLIER THAN MY USUAL TEMP TIME, GRRRR!!! I can't really blame her brothers for it, because they were so excited at seeing freshly fallen snow, but I knew that 90 minutes would make a massive difference to my temp. Worst of all, my mouth was as dry as a bone when I woke, because I had been mouth breathing on top of all of it!!!! SO frustrating! I was encouraged that at least my temperature hadn't dropped enough to warrant worrying about my period or anything. I planned to test when I finally got chance to go for a wee, after I sorted breakfast and clothes for the kiddies, and figured I would have to wait for a better opportunity for an accurate temp tomorrow, to see what's really going on.

I went to get clothes for the kiddies while they ate breakfast, and suddenly felt slightly... leaky. I was sure it was more of the CM I've been having, so I went to the loo armed with a test stick, and was SO surprised and confused to see bright red blood on my underwear. It seemed heavy for a moment as I sat there on the toilet, and then it eased off. I was so taken-aback by it, I just sat there holding the test stick, and then I decided to test anyway, since the tests are needing to be used, and it would give me closure.

Then, if that were not confusing enough, as I watched the pink clear across the freshly dipped test stick, a line came up (faint, but definite) within a minute or two, seriously! Even before the pink had cleared, I could see it. It faded a bit as it cleared, but still there. It's SO faint, I have had trouble getting it to show on a photo, and wondering if I'm crazy. It's nothing like the tests from 7 or 8DPO though, and 8DPO I felt like it was a bit more shadowy on the line area than 7DPO even though it was definitely negative. I would actually call this a positive test, not a maybe. SO faint though. If I wasn't bleeding I would not be concerned about that at only 9DPO.

Also, with Elijah I had a BIG temp drop (well below coverline) and bleeding at 7DPO and I stopped temping/charting, and treated it exactly as a period. Only to find 10 days later that my "period" wasn't behaving like a normal one, and I was feeling tired and yucky - BFP the same day! ;) I remember I wished I'd continued temping, so I will continue until a definite confirmation with my temps - today's little drop wasn't enough, and I'm surprised to see a period so quickly to be honest. Usually I will get a PLUNGE in temperature, and my period will start later in the day. Today my temp hasn't dropped all that much, and yet my period (if it's that) seems to be here right away. I'm keeping an eye on the pad I'm wearing. So far I am having only light bleeding, since the initial start. I feel crampy since starting bleeding, but I wasn't at all crampy beforehand. Not bad cramps really though.

Tomorrow is Saturday, which is a big relief, as Neil usually lets me lie-in after I'm woken by little ones getting up for the day - he gets up with them (which is a lie-in for him of 3 or 4 hours, as he tells me! He gets up for work at 4.30am!!!). This means I should have a great chance of an accurate temp tomorrow. With all the circumstances right, if my temp has dropped down, I KNOW this pregnancy has ended and the period is a true one. If it doesn't drop (or goes up) then I am suspicious and will test again! ;)

Here's the best I could do with a photo - I personally think the line is well visible on this photo, however faint it is, but it's not as clear as if you're really holding the stick and looking at it. I am definitely calling it a positive test. When it's dry later, I can compare it to my tests from 7DPO and 8DPO, which will be helpful, but already I know it's a totally different result from the last two, however faint.

 

[ETA: urgh, I am not liking the quality of photo that Blogger has created with my NOT grainy photo! :/ Not sure what to do about it, except maybe upload it to photobucket and post it from there instead? Here's another try, from photobucket:]

 

 

 

8DPO!!!

I'm still here!!! At 8 days past ovulation!!! Can't believe it! :)

I had a headache last night when I went to bed, and thought maybe it meant my period was coming. But this morning my temp was still up there! 36.72, a bit lower than yesterday but still well up! Tested with first morning urine, though I really had to work on holding it in the night, from 4am onwards - REALLY needed to wee. Very unusual for me! :) The test was negative, but I felt SURE I could see a shadowy greyish line. Then I thought not, but when I got yesterday's test and held them together, there was more of a shadow on today's test than yesterday's. Still negative though - I can't even photograph it to show anything, so I'm just being crazy-obsessoo woman (I hate the new spell correct that WON'T allow me to type the word crazy-obsess0 with one 'o'!!!! Tsk!).

My headache was gone when I woke, but it started up again this morning after I'd been up an hour or two. Mild and dull and nagging in my eyes, temples and neck - could be sinusy or dehydration though. It has bothered me mildly (not a bad headache at all) on and off through the day and is hanging around now. I've noticed I'm having to blow my nose quite a bit (not that there's much to blow) since about 2DPO, maybe 3DPO - I kept forgetting to mention it, but when I read in previous pregnancy chart comments that I had this mildly snotty nose a lot before, I knew it was significant to mention! :)

I'm tired tonight. Exactly like yesterday (which was an improvement on the days before), my energy levels are not bad, but I generally feel fatigued, and quite dizzy/white-out-y with it at times. We had snow today, so I was happily distracted with getting the children in and out of snow clothes much of the day! ;) I feel irritable, but strangely calm in some of the ways I've been handling difficulties with the boys today (this was true yesterday too) - maybe someone is praying for me? :)

Not so much pain today. When I was first up this morning, I only felt mildly crampy, and that's all. I have charted backache, but really it has only been occasional and very mild. I'm not charting bad cramps today, for the first time in a few days, although I did have some mild periody pain at times, and again this evening. I considered charting bad cramps, but it just wasn't quite bad enough, so I haven't. Still definite crampiness though. I have an almost prickly hot sensation in the pit of my abdomen that I feel almost out to my hips on both sides. Odd, that one! Not unpleasant, just... different. I also noticed this evening when I was curled up on the sofa hugging my knees, that I had a sensation of a definite "ball of something" like a pressure deep inside. NOT like constipation, but... similar, somehow. I know what it is - I've felt it many times before. I'm just noting it here to say I'm feeling it. :) I've charted one-sided pinching cramp, but I guess that's not accurate either - I've had the odd sharp twinge or flash of pain in my pubic bone to the right side, or inside my right hip and inch or so above my pubic bone, but that's it. The closest description on the check boxes on my chart was the one-sided pinching cramp one, so I charted it. This is the same kind of pattern that I have had with my other pregnancies when implantation is taking place - a few days in a row of cramps/twinges, etc. then it all calms down. I have had times today when I've felt very "neutral" like nothing is happening. Again, this was how I described things in many of my pregnancies at this kind of stage - I think I wrote exactly this at 7 and 8DPO with Lydia...

My breasts are tender today, more so than before (but so far just achy, rather than those pregnant "flashes" of sharp pain), and I am DEFINITELY sore when breastfeeding today. It's worse than yesterday, which was the first day it made me sit up and take notice. Very uncomfortable after only a few seconds of feeding someone. Something new that I can't remember if I mentioned yesterday, is the nursing aversion thing that started the day before yesterday, where I feel extremely irritable towards the nursling in question, and like my skin is crawling if it goes on too long. This is VERY pregnant of me. It's much worse today than it was yesterday. I can't BEAR them fidgeting about or putting their hands anywhere on my breasts while they are feeding. I have pushed little hands away a LOT today, and turned down requests for milky once or twice just because I didn't want to - which never happens normally.

I am queasy, and still windy. Not quite so bad in the gassy department as recent days, but still bothersome. I am also really bloated and my appetite isn't so great because of it. This evening/late afternoon I felt more queasy than in the day - the strangest feeling was that I felt like that would be the case. It feels a LITTLE like very mild morning sickness to me, the travel queasy feeling. I hope not, as I would only be 3 weeks and 2 days today, WAY too early for me to start that! :/ Makes me very anxious about how things will be at 6 weeks, if so! I have continued to feel gaggy various times during the day - Elijah's pooey nappy, the thought of certain foods a couple of times, Lydia's pooey nappy (the smell, urrrghhh!), the nappies waiting to go out to the outside bin, saliva (someone's chewed top), even just the THOUGHT of the saliva smell later. Bleurgh. This is totally totally totally pregnancy, for me. No way it's anything else, no matter how this turns out. Preg. Nant. That's me right now. ;)

I have had a little heartburn this evening which, though I have issues with GERD, I don't really get much any more as an isolated symptom. I found United Bates of America on YouTube tonight, for the first time, and watched the first episode which featured a new baby, and various lovely large family inter-relationships, and I got very weepy watching it, which is not that usual for me - this is why I have a box to check on my chart if I ever get weepy like this, lol! It's very pregnant of me! ;)

I was in the bathroom this afternoon and went to get something out of the medicine cabinet, where I've hidden my pregnancy tests that I've taken so far. I can never bear to throw them away until I get my period and KNOW it's a closed book. Anyway, I pulled them out again, even though it had been HOURS and so it was pointless looking at them. With them both now fully dry (only yesterday's was, this morning), today's DOES look like there's a shade of colour to the line-that-would-be-the-pregnant-line, against the white of the test stick. Compared with yesterday's which has absolutely no shade of any sort. It's so slight that it's more of a grey hue, so definitely a negative test. Because there's a difference from yesterday though, however slight, I'm wondering... I'm not at ALL wondering if maybe I'm pregnant - there's no doubt about it with the way I'm feeling. I just wonder if the hormone levels are okay, and therefore will I even get a proper positive test, or are my levels already falling and I'll get my period soon? It's so early to have such obvious symptoms while nothing shows up on a test stick, so as the days go by, if I still don't have my period and the tests stay negative, it will be a bit confusing. I presume that will be to do with a non-viable pregnancy, if so...

I know what I forgot to do! Neil was so tired tonight after work (he has such a long commute to drive now) that he went to bed while I was putting the littlest ones to bed. At 8DPO I could have asked him to check the skin on my face to see if I have "weirdly soft skin" - he's my expert! ;) That has been my unique, classic pregnancy sign for all my pregnancies, that he has been able to confirm before a test stick could! :) Awkward to say this, but now that I'm getting older, I think my skin is softening as it's not so firm as it once was (read: wrinkling!), and so it might be harder to tell if it's "weirdly soft" or "wrinkly soft", haha! ;) Now that I have written this, and thought to stop and stroke my own cheeks, I personally think they feel VERY much "weirdly soft" to me, not just "wrinkly soft" any more. I am going to change the subject now! :P Except that I'm frustrated to have only remembered the skin sign JUST NOW while writing this, and Neil will be off to work before I'm awake in the morning. I am going to chart weirdly soft skin - checking it again, it's suuuuper soft.... just like when I've been pregnant before. If Neil disagrees tomorrow I will delete it off my chart, but I am sure he will agree.

So now it just remains to do exactly the same thing as the last few nights. Go to bed, try to sleep (I had more wakings with the little ones in the wrong zone - near to my waking time) but managed to be asleep for a little bit before waking and temping, and I kept warm enough and wasn't mouth breathing, so that was good! I am always so anxious to have the right conditions for temping when I'm at a stage in my cycle where everything is hanging on what the temperature is that very day!! If my temp is still around where it is today, or hasn't dropped too far down, I will test again - NINE days past ovulation tomorrow, I can't believe it! I never dreamed that I'd get that far into my luteal phase this cycle, pregnant or not, after a 4 day luteal phase!!! :) Even if I get my period tomorrow, I will have had an 8 day luteal phase, which is great! :) I'm sure it's because I'm pregnant, and it would have been much shorter without that factor.

This is so exciting!! I'm still continually prepared to see my temp drop every morning, and to get my period. I will update my chart in the morning, and my blog later when I can (evening, likely).

7DPO!

Well, my night was much better than last night - yay! Thank you, if you prayed for my sleep! :) There were wakings and I did have to get up and out of bed a few times, but I had a good block of sleep leading up to the proper up-for-the-day waking with Lydia, and that was at a normal time for me to temp - hooray! I was also warm enough and not mouth-breathing! :) And guess what?! In a way, I was so surprised - my temp shot up to 36.81!!!! But on the other hand, I knew it! I know I'm only 7DPO but I do feel totally pregnant.

This morning I felt queasy/metallic in my mouth and stomach and delicate. Still bothered a bit by the yucky tummy leftover from my IBS issues a couple of days ago, and also still really bothered by the crazy gassiness! I felt a little bit gaggy on nothing at all. And the whole sensation made me suddenly nervous, because if it's because I'm pregnant then there's MUCH more to come... :/ I have had this feeling so many times before, lol!

I needed to wee in the night despite weeing at 1am, though I decided to save it for peeing on a stick, so I didn't go (uncomfortable!). I know it's too early, but I had set myself a cut-off of 7DPO to start testing if I was LONGING so much to take a pregnancy test after all this time, so I decided to test anyway with a 10mIU early stick. The test was negative, no matter how I squinted and angled, of course, lol! ;) Not surprising, so I was not disappointed. It was SO MUCH FUN to take a pregnancy test again! :D

Through the day, I have felt yucky. Bloated and queasy almost the whole day. I ate okay though. I have still continued to have on-and-off cramps and twinges, and I have had pubic bone pain (mostly left side) today as the past couple of days, but quite a bit less than yesterday. I've had some backache that has felt hot and crampy occasionally (like previous days), and some yucky feeling periody cramps low in the front for a short while this afternoon. They have all come and gone, not been sustained. I've mostly tried to keep busy so I can focus on things other than feeling yucky. My energy hasn't been bad today, though I am still feeling tired. Less crushingly exhausted today, I think - better night's sleep maybe? I don't think it was THAT much better to make me feel rested though. I have felt gaggy a few times, mainly when I got a taste of the boys' baked beans at dinner time (Neil and I are having lasagne and garlic bread in a little while, which I have my concerns about, but hope to enjoy successfully anyway!).

New thing today: MAJOR sweet tooth! I had to have Swizzels sweeties (refresher chews and little sweets, and love hearts, drumstick lollies, boiled fruit sweets, etc.). I felt like that a couple of days ago, a little bit, so I threw a bag of them into the usual grocery order that we have delivered, and now they're in the cupboard. I nearly went out of my mind while I had to wait for Arthur to finish baking the cake he was working on in the kitchen this afternoon, I SO badly had to have some of those sweeties and I didn't want him to see me snuffling them down, lol! In the end I couldn't wait, and he tutted as I ate them and said, "You know those things are addictive, don't you?" ;) I found an old doughnut and ate that on the stairs (sneaking sugar where I can today, hehe!), and scraped the bowl to eat all the leftover icing once Arthur was finished and out of the kitchen!

An hour or so later I developed a really yucky headache, which made me think my period was on its way again (since I sometimes get a HORRIBLE headache the day before it shows), but then I remembered the crazy amount of sugar I'd recently consumed, and felt kind of silly! It didn't last more than an hour as well, which isn't like my pre-period ones. Those always last minimum 8 hours and are debilitating eventually.

Another new thing today: I found it a bit sore to breastfeed, both Elijah and Lydia, at various different times from lunchtime onwards (okay this morning), so it wasn't some weird latch issue as it was both of them. I had to cut a nursing session short twice this afternoon because it became too sore. I don't think that tends to happen to me before a period, and it doesn't always happen when I'm pregnant (I don't *think* - I can't really remember every time), but it definitely has happened sometimes when pregnant, this early.

I'm still irritable and have a short fuse, but I am handling it a bit better today, or else maybe it's just not quite so bad today? I've apologised a few times for outbursts towards a child that just wasn't fair, for example. Ugh!

Well, I am taking each day as it comes. I know that I am still unlikely to sustain this pregnancy (I totally see it as one - I am not even 0.001% doubtful that I'm pregnant. I have such clear and obvious symptoms, and have been there and done that so many times, that I'm SURE as sure. The question is, can it stick? And if not, how long will it last? Literally any day, my temp could drop and I could start to bleed later that day. That's how it has happened so many times before, no matter how obvious my pregnancy symptoms up to that point. I'm expecting that to happen, but I don't know when. I know I said yesterday that I didn't expect my temp to rise in the morning, and it did more than just rise! ;) But even so, I'm saying again that I don't expect it to stay up there tomorrow. I will be 8DPO, after a 4 day luteal phase last cycle, which is such a jump for me that it's sure to be because I've conceived. If my temp drops and I get my period, then it gives me a 7 day luteal phase this cycle, which is better. Not enough, still, but better. If my temp hangs about somewhat high then I will test again, just for the fun of it! :) As each day goes by now, I have a better chance at seeing a faint line before it's all over. That sounds so pessimistic of me! I don't feel sad about it, I just feel like I'm being realistic about it. I'm also suddenly slightly anxious about going through the difficult parts of pregnancy again, now that the symptoms I'm having are making that more real! But OH how worth it, it would be!

I will update my chart in the morning again, and have chance to update my blog later in the day/evening. Thanks for reading and commenting! :)

6DPO, still here!

Well, I'm still here at the end of 6DPO, despite a temp drop this morning to 36.48. I was very frustrated because as soon as Neil got up and went to work (4.30am or so), all the little ones began waking in rounds and I basically didn't get much further sleep to note, urgh! They do this more nights than not, these days, and I'm SO tired from it. It is also NOT useful for temping when I particularly  need an accurate temp!!! :/

Last night after I updated here, I had an IBS attack, which meant trips to the loo and feeling crampy and nauseated and anxious, bleurgh. So I always wait those out and THEN go to bed, otherwise I tend to wake again in the night with the same troubles. I rarely have that kind of IBS issue these days though, so it was a bit unusual for me. It seemed to be part of the crazy gassy troubles (sorry!) that I'm rather pregnant-ly having! ;) Those are typical for me at this stage, every time.

Aaargh I am suddenly having a nosebleed! What is up with that?! Back in a minute.

Weird. My nose feels a bit delicate and not sure if it's finished bleeding yet, but it seems to have stopped for now. I've been a bit sneezy (allergy-ish) since last night so I've been blowing my nose a bit more than usual, but I don't usually get nosebleeds from just blowing my nose! I can't think whether that could be pregnancy related or not?! Or just very random of me!

ANYWAY! So I felt too horrible to lie down anyway, and was grateful for Lydia sleeping soundly for a few hours during the evening. My tummy started to settle enough to get ready for bed after midnight. I was so tired. I was up and out of bed here and there to resettle Elijah, put covers on Samuel, pray for Benji after a dream, etc. And of course Lydia woke and wanted to feed at least twice in that time. I think I dozed for who knows how long, but let's guess 20 minutes - a total guess - it felt like anywhere between a few minutes and maybe 30 minutes for the rest of the entire night, very light sleep and not cosied up in bed properly, just hoping not to wake anyone by moving! And then Elijah came to my bedside again and whispered, and that woke Lydia, and she would not go back to sleep despite my efforts for 10 minutes. It was an hour earlier than they usually get up for the day (especially Lydia). So I had no choice but to temp right then, and it was such a bummer because even as I waited for the beeps, I knew it would be a totally inaccurately low temp, as several things can cause my temp reading to be lower than it really is: 1) too early compared with my normal temp time, 2) not being cosy and warm upon waking, 3) no proper sleep for a good while before temping, and 4) being up and out of bed without a good block of sleep before temping. ALL of the above applied!! Urrrggghhh! I was so frustrated about it all - my temp looks like it's really dropping off, and it MIGHT well be, and I might well be getting a period any minute now, BUT I know that's not my accurate core body temp for this morning and I would have liked to know what that was, for progression of things and future reference, etc.

So, on the subject of frustrations (!), I have been way more irritable than before, today. Maybe tiredness is a major factor, but this feels different. I have a very short fuse, overreacting like CRAZY with the boys over things like spills, etc. Their noise is unbearable! It was yesterday too, actually, but more so today. Ugh. So irritable, more so with Neil than usual today as well (though not too bad overall, just more than for a while).

Plenty of things to report still, despite the temp drop. I continue to feel exactly as before. Nothing has changed. I've had a few patches of bad cramps, that don't last long. More prolonged patches of pubic bone pain (a very uncomfortable sort of "boring" type of pain) in both sides of my pubic bone (over the top and under/above), but especially on my left. I have had groin twinges, quite sharp and deep at times, otherwise dragging and boring, almost crampy, through from pubic bone and down through my groin into my thigh a bit. Both sides but not usually at the same time. I've actually had more of that than general cramps today. Most hours of the day, I have had some of the pubic bone area pain going on, varying degrees of discomfort and varying types of sensation. Also more of the hot backache, on and off. I've had a deep ache inside my right hip. Mild but uncomfortable.
I haven't felt much like eating today because my IBS has continued a bit through the day today. That's usually the case after an attack, the next day. I still feel sensitive in my tummy and generally yucky, and I don't usually feel like eating much. But today, at the same time as the off-my-food thing, I'm painfully hungry (I also was in the night while awake, and for breakfast when I got up this morning). Same at lunch time, though I didn't feel like actually eating - weird to be so hungry at the same time! So I've eaten as usual, because I'm scrunchingly hungry if I don't.

Late this afternoon and during this evening I have felt actually gaggy, just a little bit. We had sweet corn with dinner tonight, and it made me feel like gagging (this rings a bell - definitely pregnancy related, period coming or not! I'm sure it was sweet corn in the previous pregnancy I'm thinking of as well!). Feel really quite nauseated this evening. The just-beginning-to-die flowers in a vase on the mantelpiece made me feel sick and like I couldn't be near them (halfway across the room from them) - I thought the smell was mildew at first and was surprised it made me feel sick as I quite like the smell of mildew! ;)

Oh! I had a butter-fingers incident this evening, making custard for dessert. Wasn't it custard and apple pie/crumble that I dropped at 7 or 8DPO when pregnant with Matthew or Nathan (or both of them)?! Interesting isn't it?! ;) Anyway, I reached up to get the stashed lemon sponge pudding that I'd made yesterday, out of the high cupboard and knocked the sugar container out (just pure clumsiness really), which of course fell onto my glass of water and so there was sugar and water all over the kitchen surfaces and floor. And of course I majorly overreacted. I was aware of how pregnant it was of me though (as was Neil!)!

I'm still so very tired out, but then I had a bad night. Just so tired though. I have felt lightheaded/dizzy with it at times. I'm having very... *specific* CM since a day or so after I ovulated... I can spare you all the details, but the personal notes I write for my chart (which nobody else can see) are detailed, and I was pretty happy to randomly discover tonight that a paragraph I wrote about today and yesterday's CM was almost identical to a paragraph I wrote about my CM at 6 and 7DPO on Lydia's pregnancy, even though such CM is unusual for me! :) Yes, I write *paragraphs* about CM, lol! :P

I felt a bit headachy for a while today and thought, "Oh no, here's the pre-period headache starting!" but it never really kicked in at all. I feel quite sinusy today, and for the first time in a while I have been sneezy and a bit allergy-ish (NOT a cold, I can tell the difference), and that was another annoyance in the night, my nose was snuffly sometimes after sneezing and I didn't want to risk mouth-breathing before temping!! Tsk!

Oh! I knew there was something I'd been meaning to mention - for several days now I have had a mild scratchy/sore throat. Not turned into anything (I have had zero exposure to any viruses and my glands are all down and normal), but I've had a little bit of gunk in my throat with it (need to clear it at night) and woke up this morning with a slightly gravelly voice (part of the allergy in the night??). Anyway, my throat tickles/grates a LITTLE (very little, but enough to make note of) in the night sometimes and I've noticed that it's a bit irritated, so I remembered that sore throat is quite common in early pregnancy charts, so I thought I'd better note it here! I know I've had it before several times at this stage of the 2WW in pregnant cycles. 

I guess I am totally waiting until tomorrow morning's temp to know for sure what is going on. I still have no sign of a period coming, now at bedtime, after this morning's temp drop. If it was a drop for that reason, tomorrow it will have dropped RIGHT OFF below the coverline. If it rises, then I know! :) I will test if so, at 7DPO (do not care if it's too early!), but I'm not really expecting a rise. It feels SO weird to say that, because I totally 100% feel pregnant. Often when I have a temp drop because my period is impending, I notice (if not straight away, then over the course of the day) that my symptoms are changing. "Pregnant" ones are disappearing or fading, and maybe I will get some new ones that are more typical pre-period ones. Or just neutral-ness, no symptoms of any sort, just waiting for my period to kick in. But I don't know. With today's drop I'm expecting a further drop tomorrow, but I have allll these pregnancy symptoms still going strong anyway, AND some new definite pregnancy symptoms starting today SINCE the temp drop (the gagginess and sensitive smell, the clumsiness, etc. - those are the main ones). I'm still getting these cramps and twinges that I have never ever ever had before a period, only ever because I'm pregnant, even if the pregnancy ends early and I get a period, so to speak. Those haven't faded or disappeared - they seem more prevalent than ever before, today.

If my temp stays on a level with today's, that will be odd, but it has happened once I think, with a short luteal phase that ended up a chemical pregnancy (two days the same, before the big drop and the period). Two days the same will give me a definite feeling of chemical pregnancy, I think. I won't be thinking, "Oh, it might go back up?" Anyway. Nothing more to do now but go to bed, PRAY for a good night's sleep tonight (there don't seem to be many of those with my little ones lately), and see what happens with my temp in the morning. I will be BEYOND frustrated if I have the same shenanigans with the children's wakings in the morning as I did today! I NEED MY SLEEEEEP!! It's crazy how little they are giving me lately, in the hours from 4am onwards. I can't get an accurate temp without a good block of sleep in that time, and a normal waking time, warm enough in bed and NOT mouth-breathing! I hope I can have everything as it should be just so I can rest assured that whatever temp I get in the morning, it'll be accurate and I know where I stand.

I will update my chart in the morning with my temp, which will be many hours before I get chance to update here again, so if you're on tenterhooks (gasp! lol!) then that's the place to check - link to my chart on the right hand side here. Thanks for hanging in there with this crazy obsesso-woman!! ;)

5DPO

My temp went up this morning! :) So at least I will have a longer luteal phase than last time! I hope it will be longer still, or that I'll have my miracle and be healthily pregnant, but we'll see.

The bad cramps I had last night went away this morning, surprise surprise! ;) This afternoon I was cooking for over an hour, making a lamb hotpot, and partway through standing doing that, I got some hot, periody, crampy pains low in my abdomen. They stayed for a couple of hours and that was it. TOTALLY pregnant. I have never had this without being pregnant, and I've experienced it many times, but only when I AM pregnant (chemical pregnancies as well), so I know it.

I'm continuing to be weirdly tired, and I think I am feeling more irritable today than usual. I have more CM than usual, since the day I ovulated actually - quite unusual for me, so I'm making note of it at my chart. Today I am... ahem... REALLY gassy. Bleurgh! I was lying awake last night wondering when that would kick in, and lo and behold! ;) It's an early pregnancy symptom for me, although obviously I get it from time to time when not pregnant too, so on its own it wouldn't be much of a symptom.

What else? I have a solitary spot on my face that came up tonight. I only get spots (even solitary ones) when they are hormonally influenced, and I remember that starting in the 2WW when pregnant, but I can't remember much about whether I get that before a period? Stinking memory! I have had some sharp ligament type pains on both sides at different times today, inside my hip area, and also some sharp twinges and pains under/on and just above my pubic bone, mostly on my right, but once on my left too. These are all familiar to me, but again, only when I've been pregnant.

No increased weeing or hunger today. Right now I have pain in my left lower abdomen which goes through my pubic bone, out my lower back on that side, and radiates into my groin. It's that kind of thing, that I've had on and off today at various times. Not much proper cramping, that's mostly been confined to that one block of an hour or two this afternoon. I have the hot/heavy pit-of-the-abdomen feeling still - that's there all the time, and I just feel overly warm in my face all the time, like my skin is flushed even when it's not. I am kind of aware of my core temperature being raised a bit more than it usually is. I know when I've had chemical pregnancies before, sometimes I've actually been aware of that no longer being there, and then I know. And it's confirmed by a temp drop the next morning and then a period.

I want to get excited! I will let myself start testing at 7DPO (too early, yes yes) with the super sensitive 10mIU tests (instead of the standard 25mIU ones). My cheapy sticks (both the 10 and the 25s) JUST expired, but I still plan to use them. I also have a Clearblue Digital leftover from the twin pack I bought when I was testing early in Lydia's pregnancy (my first one I had ever used!), and I got a "pregnant 1-2" with that, remember?! :) So this test is its... twin! ;) Waiting to be used. And the expiry date isn't until June, thankfully. I wouldn't use that until I was sure that I wanted to confirm a cheapy stick with some sort of a line. Anyway 7DPO is just the day after tomorrow!!!!

I am teetering on the brink of excitement over it. I WANT to be excited, because it is exciting! But I KNOW my stats. I know I've never had a 4 day luteal phase and then pregnant the next cycle. I've had lots of conceptions that haven't progressed after a 4 day luteal phase though... :( Then I think, well I shouldn't look at stats. God is bigger. I know that too. But it's not likely really. I know... I feel sure, that I have conceived. I FEEL pregnant, already. I feel pregnant. But the chances of my body having the right levels of hormones, etc. to sustain it through implantation (first couple of weeks) is really low. :(

I find my thoughts starting to wonder though, today, and I'm trying to shake back to reality and keep my feet on the ground. I know my due date would be October 14th, 9 days before Lydia's 2nd birthday. All my babies have their own birth month - I LOVE how that has worked out! :) They were born in January, May, June, July, October, November and December. If this pregnancy sticks then it would be the first baby born in a month that someone else was already born in... so of course my imagination then runs to: My first girl was born in October, and here would be another October baby - maybe my girls would be born in October, while my boys have their own month each?!?!! Aaannnd cue excitement. *sigh* I have to STOP IT!!! I could very likely have a big plummet in the temp department tomorrow and start my period by this time tomorrow! So I shouldn't let my mind run away with things. I should just wait and see and be "neutral". But it's hard!

So, I will update tomorrow. If my temp drops then at least I will have made it to a 5 day luteal phase this cycle. I wouldn't be THAT thrilled with just 5 days though. :/ I hope my LP will lengthen a bit more than that, otherwise it could take many cycles to get to a point where I could sustain a pregnancy, and I'm getting impatient, lol! ;) :P

Thanks so much for the happy, excited comments! xxx

4DPO symptoms and stuff

First, thank you for the comments! :) So sweet that after all this time, and with my perpetual wafflings about having, or hoping to have babies, people STILL tell me they are excited for me! Thanks, people! :)

So today I am 4 days past ovulation! I got my ovulation confirmed by my chart yesterday, and my temps are pretty good so far. Last cycle, my temp plopped WAY down at 5DPO and I got my period that day, so we'll see.

I honestly feel like there's almost NO chance that my luteal phase could possibly support a pregnancy at this stage (given last cycle), so I am just going to experience and ride out what goes on. What is currently going on, is that (yes, I know I'm only 4DPO) I have some of my usual very early pregnancy symptoms, and I'm just waiting to see how long I can go before it ends. I wish it wouldn't, but I'm sure it will. It's not as downcast as I make it sound. I would LOVE to be pregnant and for everything to go well, but I feel like it can't, yet, and so I'm okay with that, I think. I am excited to have a few DAYS even, with the beginnings of a life inside me, even if it ends too quickly for there to ever be proof. I have learned to cherish every day with my children. And each day is a precious gift!

I so wanted to update tonight, despite feeling TOO tired to do it really. That's one of the things - last night I was CRUSHINGLY exhausted. I felt sick and dizzy with exhaustion and everything seemed to look more white than it should (don't know if that makes sense, but anyway!). It felt like the kind of exhaustion the night before I get my period (hormonal, for sure), but I do get that kind of exhaustion in early pregnancy too. I went to bed really early last night, for me anyway, and had kind of a rotten night's sleep with various children waking (I was awake for a solid 2 hours between 3 and 5am, and then again for a bit from 5.45am!), but I slept in a bit this morning. I have had waves of faint-tiredness here and there today. Tonight I feel exactly as exhausted as last night, and it's only 10pm (I usually am wide awake, even if I'm tired - it's not this kind of tired at ALL - until at least midnight). I think I will have to call it a night as soon as I've done this entry.

I am hungrier than usual today, and today and yesterday was painfully hungry upon waking. I went for a wee in the night last night - way too early to be pregnancy-related I think, but worth noting all the same because the last time I had to wee in the night was when I was last pregnant! I NEVER get up for a wee in the night outside of pregnancy, or at least, I could probably count the occasions on one hand over the years, if I took that much notice, that is! ;) I can chug two tall glasses of water before bed, and still make it through to morning before going to the toilet, normally!

Only a couple of other subtle things to note so far. Yesterday at only 3DPO, I had a sudden craving for Dominos pizza, and those fizzy Refresher sweets. I totally had to have them, one after the other. Neil was making toast, and I went in the kitchen and said, "You know what I feel like? Pizza, and then Refreshers!" His head whipped up from looking down to spread the toast, and he gave me a very sharp look, lol! He has been the husband of a pregnant wife 7 times, so it amused me (and encouraged me!) to see his instant reaction! ;)

I have "that feeling" in the pit of my abdomen. I only started it this morning, but it has been there all day and is still there now. I can't really describe it, which is a bit useless of me, but I'm noting it anyway. It's a sort of warm and heavy sensation, really deep inside, and just... I don't know, it has a sort of "something is going on" feeling with it. Sounds daft, unless you know what I'm talking about (and I have a dear friend who gets the same feeling this early in her pregnancies, so at least I know I'm not alone!).

This afternoon I have been distracted several times by a bruisey pressurey type of pain under/just above my pubic bone on my right side. Not pinching or cramping (though I checked the box on my chart for "one-sided pinching pain" because it's one-sided and painful, and worth charting) just a sort of pressing discomfort - I have felt that before and put it down to implantation in past pregnancies (along with other symptoms and signs which ended up confirming that implantation did take place then) - both healthy ones and chemical pregnancies, though I don't always get the same sensation as this. Of note, anyway. When we were putting the little ones to bed tonight, and I'd finished nursing Lydia on our bed, I got up to let Neil take over cuddling her while I went to Elijah, and had a sudden pain in the same place, but it was proper painful. Neil said, "What's wrong?!", as I was holding it and couldn't straighten up. I said, "I don't know... ligament pain, maybe?" and he gave me that same look, lol! But I am not sure about it being ligament pain. It was the same location and intensity of pain, but it wasn't quite as sharp. It had more of a cramp-like quality. Otherwise very ligament pain-like though - it faded off in about the same time as ligament pains usually do, so I don't know. I NEVER have ligament pain outside of pregnancy (or newly postpartum) and it does start very early, but I am not sure if I've noticed it THIS early before, so hmmm... I think I've noticed it from 7DPO before. I can't remember now.

Right before I started writing this, Lydia woke and I went to feed her to resettle her, and I noticed while I lay feeding her, that the hot ball of "something going on" in the pit of my abdomen was giving me crampy backache, and quite a periody crampy feeling in the front as well. After 10 minutes it was worse - it came from nowhere! My lower back was burning up, radiating so much heat - like it was the only warm part of me! So weird. I still have a hot crampy lower back - it feels very periody, and I am crampy both sides low in my abdomen now with it, but not quite like a period. I would normally chart this as "bad cramps", so we shall see tomorrow if I get a temperature drop and my period. I actually don't get bad cramps in my luteal phase unless I'm pregnant though, so even if I do get my period it would be odd. I will have to obsess over my past charts to see if I've charted bad cramps as early as 4DPO before - I think I might have. My memory is rubbish these days!

I'm sure there were a couple of other little thing to note, but I just can't remember them now, my head is too tired. I most definitely feel pregnant, so far. If I were to make it to 7DPO without a temp drop, I would start testing absolutely right away, lol! I don't care if it's too early! :P It feels like ages since I've been pregnant - by far the longest gap since I started having babies, and I've been through the emotions and anxiety wondering if that's IT, if I'll never ovulate again, or conceive again, or be pregnant again, have another baby again, etc. I'm so much more excited and feel so much more thankful and privileged than ever before, thinking of the possibility that I might be so blessed as to experience it another time! :)

Right now, I don't care about what people think. This is for me. On this isolated day, 4 days after ovulating, I feel pretty much 100% sure that I am 4 days past conception, and that the implantation process must be starting (4DPO has been implantation day for me several times before - it's always between 4 and 7 days, with all my pregnancies, chemical or not). I am going to bed rejoicing in the blessing of a new life beginning inside of me tonight, a tiny new person making those first connections, without concerning myself with thinking ahead, even as far as tomorrow. It won't make me sad if it ends (disclaimer: it *might*, but that's not a reason NOT to think joyfully about it now), and even a day or four days, or five, is worth celebrating and cherishing, so that's my plan, until... whenever.

I will update tomorrow. :)

Ovulation?

I'm excited that I think I might have ovulated!! I'm on CD32, and I am pretty sure I ovulated yesterday. It's a "late ovulation" but I'm thrilled because I've ovulated much later in a cycle before, and of course last cycle was the first time I ovulated in 11 months!! So I'm happy! :) Also I have only had one round of EWCM, which is great too, because on my long cycles I will often have more than one round, as though my body is trying to ovulate and then not managing to, so it gives up for a bit longer and then has another round to try again!

I had a crazy long round of EWCM this time, like last cycle. A couple of weeks of it! I also had the painful pressure like a balloon in my lower pelvis (both sides, though lingering more on my left, even now) for several days. Last cycle I had this and worried about it, but was relieved to have a normal ultrasound of my ovaries after I ovulated. I thought it couldn't have been to do with ovulation, then. But the same pain is back this time, and with the EWCM I wondered if it WAS actually to do with being about to ovulate. It's still there today, and I'm sure I ovulated yesterday, so I'm not sure... I will have to just make note of it and see. It's not normal! It's not my normal ovulation pain, but it's accompanied by some mild cramping, which IS my normal ovulation pain, so who can say.

My temps have been my usual pre-ovulatory temps for 31 days in a row, and this morning I got a spike into my post-ovulatory temp range, so I'm SURE. I need two more days of raised temps for my chart to confirm it though.

So, parsnips occurred 4 days before ovulation, and then again, bang on ovulation day, so if I was more fertile right now I would be extremely excited! :) BUT, my last luteal phase was a puny 4 days. It really needs to be approaching 10 days to sustain a pregnancy, and many are the times I've had a chemical pregnancy because although I've conceived, my luteal phase has simply been too short to allow implantation to complete. :( I feel pretty good about the chances of conception this cycle, but I think it is VERY unlikely that I can hang on to a teeny, rapidly-dividing ball of cells that could very well be rolling down my fallopian tube as I type this. I should probably try not to think about it - in any case it might NOT be happening! I just can't help but think about the positive possibilities though! :)

After my other babies, in ALL my other short luteal phase times, it has taken MANY cycles to go from 4 days to 10. My quickest progression was 4 days, 6 days, 6 days, and then 10 (chemical pregnancy), then pregnant. Going by my past history I could hope for a 6 day luteal phase this cycle, maybe.

Even though there is hardly any chance, I am SO EXCITED that I could have conceived! :) My pregnancy tests are sitting almost expired in the bathroom cupboard, leftover from when I tested positive with Lydia, and I long to actually have a reason to use them again, every time I open the cupboard to get other mundane things out! To have actually had parsnips during a real fertile stage is really exciting, after all this time of no cycles. :)

I have no idea what a bigger age gap would be like! I'm used to 16-19 month age gaps - all of my children are that number of months apart. The shortest gap I could have now, is if I were somehow pregnant this cycle - this month is when I conceived Lydia two years ago, so the baby would be due the in October again, probably a couple of weeks before Lydia's 2nd birthday. A two year age gap seems strange to me now, even though it's a really typical gap for most people. It's not something I've done before - it seems a really big gap, lol! And since I'm unlikely to be able to sustain a pregnancy this cycle or next, it will be an even bigger gap if I'm blessed with another baby.

This morning, right before I took my temperature to find a spike, I woke from a really weird, vivid dream. I dreamt that I realised I must be pregnant, and so I went for a scan to see how far along I was. The scan was so vivid, like really being there. The lady told me I had two empty sacs, both torn and "billowing" (lol, no idea why my brain creates such bizarre descriptions in my dreams!), and one sac with a live baby, measuring 12 weeks and 5 days. She didn't show me the screen, so I couldn't get a glimpse of the nub - I remember wishing she would! ;) The feelings were so real - I was so shocked that I had conceived and carried triplets, and heartbroken that two of them were lost already. I was also scared - where did they go? I hadn't been bleeding, and I hadn't passed anything, and I wondered if they were somehow hiding and were still to be passed. Weird dream. Then I woke up. I haven't had a pregnancy dream in a while.

Okay, I need to make lunch for the family now, so I will go. I just had to update here - it's my go-to place for rambling irrationally (or rationally, on occasion!) about things related to cycles and babies and such. I will update again soon.

General update on me...

Thank you so much for the comments yesterday and today! It warms my heart that you remembered me and asked how it went! :) xxx

I'm SO annoyed with Blogger right now, I spent a good while typing up a long update, using precious time while my children played (really rare to get the opportunity!), and my entry was eaten with a mistaken cut/paste command that my laptop keeps doing, and blogger autosaved it within a split second, aaaargh! So I haven't got time to write it again, and there was stuff I really needed to write about too. Urgh. So, quickly instead:

I had my scan yesterday and everything is FINE - big relief! :) Both my ovaries and my uterus look healthy and normal!

I got my period BEFORE Christmas - only a 4 day luteal phase, which I had hoped wouldn't be the case, but oh well. I just hope I ovulate again this cycle and don't have many months to wait again for another short luteal phase. I REALLY hope I can have another baby some day! :) This paragraph is a MAJORLY condensed form of various things I wrote originally, but never mind, it will have to do for now.

I'm temping and charting - CD18 so far and no EWCM so far. Usually when my periods are just getting going again and my LP is really short, I ovulate LATE in my cycles. Gradually my ovulation works back in the cycle until it gets near to 20 days, but it can be as late as 40-50 days before that happens. I would usually expect EWCM for 5 or more days before ovulating, and sometimes I don't ovulate even then, and have to wait for another round of it later in the cycle.

I have had back pain but I think it is muscular, as I followed an online video to release muscles that can cause back and hip pain, and over a few sessions of that, it has all but gone! If it starts to come back, I do the techniques again and it goes away. The only thing I'm left with is pretty bad pain in my left knee, which I think was there along with my back pain because of compensating or something. I have tried the release techniques for knees, but it hasn't worked yet.

Otherwise I'm feeling much better, and relieved to put most of my physical symptoms down to exhaustion and Anxiety Disorder (I have GAD and Health Anxiety - fun fun!). That way I can tackle it as anxiety, which is helpful.

I had much more to say, but my children are running wild now, and I have to make lunch! :)