Here I am again at 9 days past ovulation. I finally got my CT scan appointment through for the old waterworks, which they have rescheduled for next week in case I am pregnant and it's too early to tell. I am pretty much 99% convinced that it's not a kidney stone or anything related to my urinary tract. The ache in my side is almost a muscular feeling, and it's intermittent and I'm used to it now so it's less bothersome and worrisome in general. I am suspicious that maybe it's an ovarian cyst or something - also I have a couple of cysts on my ribcage and hip on that side which ache and can be pretty painful at times. Maybe they are referring pain into my side? I need to ask the doctor if she will send me for an ovarian ultrasound instead. I had one 2 years ago which was clear, because my periods stopped for ages, and then they were normal looking during my pregnancy with Rosie, but ovarian cysts are very common and can cause urinary symptoms as well so who knows. My urinary symptoms have cleared up, and the second urine sample after the antibiotics was clear, so who knows!
As always, we have not prevented pregnancy, and are trusting God with the outcome. I'm honestly (HONESTLY, lol! I see you rolling your eyes in disbelief! ;) ) not really thinking about it. I have no idea what's changed with being in my 40s, but there has literally been more... parsnips (!!) since turning 40 than probably in the whole decade beforehand, haha! Bit TMI but hey ho. I am seriously not even thinking about getting pregnant.
So, there is a good chance this cycle, and I'm temping since just before ovulation so that I could confirm my ovulation when it occurred. My temps are so-so, highish, but down a little these last two mornings. I do not know if I'm pregnant or not. In some ways things make me wonder if I am, but then I can't be pregnant EVERY cycle there's a chance, can I?! :P
The one thing that is really odd for me is that I am horribly crampy today, and I was yesterday and the day before as well. The evening of 7DPO I began feeling a little more crampy than "mild cramps", but I couldn't chart it as "bad cramps" because it wasn't as bad as that. I had the same crampiness the next day, on and off throughout the day, along with a weird pressure sensation, almost like constipation, but not in the right place. Maybe that's a typical sensation with an ovarian cyst at a certain part of a cycle though? It feels a lot like very early pregnancy. Today I have definitely had BAD cramps. I also keep feeling leaky and running to the loo expecting bleeding, but nothing yet. It was bad enough (with low backache and pressure and the whole works) while I was making lunch that I would have curled up with a hot water bottle if I'd had the chance (I didn't, of course), and that is really odd for me in a normal luteal phase.
The weird thing is, my norm for my periods now is that they are fairly light/moderate, and almost cramp-free. I used to have SUCH crippling cramps in my teens, and then through my 20s it was pretty bad, but I could still function on day 1, just about. Over my child-bearing years, from my late 20s until now, they've gradually become less painful. Still yucky and crampy, and I would chart the cramps as "bad cramps" but only because they don't class as "mild cramps", which I need to differentiate for reasons of pregnancy symptom spotting over the years. Since having Elijah (and more so after Lydia), I would only have mild cramps with a period. And since Rosie, sometimes I've wondered if I was pregnant because of the almost non-existent cramps! I think it is just my body changing as I get older. My periods themselves are about the same length and heaviness.
Anyway, it's REALLY different for me to have cramping in my luteal phase. Something I get when I'm pregnant, but never when I'm not. I have had it the last few cycles without really having confirmation of any pregnancies, it being too early to test (though I'm sure I have been pregnant, maybe every cycle, maybe not, but definitely in there somewhere). I'm also wondering if maybe cramping in my LP and then almost no cramping during my period could be a new norm for me or something? Who knows, anything can happen with changes towards menopause, I guess, so I'm open-minded to the possibility. I don't really buy it, but it's a possibility.
So, I'm crampy, and REALLY bloated, like water-retention over my tummy (squishy-skin, not bowel-y). I am irritable and exhausted, and not sleeping great when I do go to bed because I can't fall asleep sometimes. Also my restless leg syndrome is kicking my butt for the first time since my last pregnancy, this week. I need to start taking magnesium again.
I took my last FRER pregnancy test this morning because it was staring at me from my drawer (!!), and I got a shadowy line that I am now getting frustrated to see, because I keep getting those. Only one cycle did I get a stark white negative on those tests. The others I've had a faint line, and since I also felt pregnant (and had a good chance of being so), I presumed I was, and that it was a chemical pregnancy. I do still feel like I was, and the faint lines were confirmation of that, but I'm starting to feel silly, looking at stats and having people scoff at me - I can't be pregnant EVERY cycle there's a chance, cycle after cycle!! Apparently. Statistically it's like a 30% chance each cycle even for the most fertile couple at their peak fertile age. That has NOT been my experience, so I am confused on that stat, but anyway. I'm 40 now, so I can't just assume I'm pregnant every cycle just because I might be. Maybe my symptoms can be explained away with "gearing up for menopause". Maybe the faint lines on the tests are just... I don't know, evaps? (others who use that brand say not though, and I would tend to agree) Or maybe there's no faint line, I'm just seeing things?! Because the alternative is that I'm conceiving pretty much every cycle that parsnips is timed with ovulation, which the world says is not likely.
*sigh*
Anyway. I have no tests left. I don't care if I'm pregnant or not. If I am, I will be thrilled. Tired and anxious, but thrilled. If I'm not, I will be happy. Time to continue recovering from the last pregnancy, the ability to attend the CT scan (that my GP might still cancel if it isn't necessary), and more time to... um... enjoy my husband, since pregnancy usually = bleeding for me early on, and thus pelvic rest. :)
I just wanted to update for this cycle, so it's here. Busy otherwise with family life, school (six kids now doing school work!! How did that happen?!), and little people! Rosie is 9 months old tomorrow, crawling everywhere and standing at the furniture. She is exploring more each day, though thankfully not climbing yet! ;) Outgrowing the 6-9 month baby clothes. Still just the 4 teeth, though she is teething hard at the moment so I think the next two at the top won't be long in coming. She's babbling and very noisy with it, lol! Eating whatever I give her enthusiastically. Everybody loves her so much!
[Just editing to add this morning (12 hours after I wrote this entry) - my temp dropped some more and my period turned up late morning. I knew I would likely not get chance to write an entry saying that, so I thought I'd edit this one, rather than say nothing at all! ;) I've ordered more pregnancy tests, but just cheapy sticks so that I've got something in the house to test if I need to know one way or the other, another cycle. See you next month!]
